?Do you want anything to drink?? Vivi asked, I smiled and shook my head, she was a cool, she was short and had a really edgy hair style. I got here to a homely celebration, there was also Sammie another girl but she was more like me, quieter. Vivi was loud, I loved it. The accent, was amazing, I loved her talking. I had been here just a few days and already felt exhausted, they were quite a cute pair to live with; we all came from different parts, Viv was from Oklahoma and Sammie, well she was born in South Africa and moved here when she was 5. They knew I was pregnant.
?Who's the daddy then?? Sammie smiled.
?Oh this guy, he doesn't wanna speak to me again, and doesn't know about the baby.? I sighed.
?So this nigga is sitting on his fat ass back in United Kingdom, waitin' on what? Maynne if I could see this stupid little negro right now, I'd give him a few slaps around the corners!? Viv said angrily. The nigger and the negro thingi was terrifying, it was said with so much passion too.
?Mmm hmm, he'd be paying my baby's support; waste of space Emma.? They kept calling me that so I let them.
?Let him work when he wants to be in your baby's life,? She kissed her teeth and did her make-up.
?How many months have you gone now?? Sammie said.
?Just two, but 3 on the 5th.? I smiled.
?We'll take good care of you girl! Won't we Sam?? She nodded and rubbed my stomach.
?Any way, I'ma take you shopping, get your shit and lets go!? Viv dragged me up. I laughed and went upstairs and got ready, I wore something nice considering it was hot, and the summer here was like Africa! We all soon left and Viv drove into town, blasting out Drake, I think she's in love! I giggled and sighed, I was already enjoying myself, I would talk about the past, but it feels like half of it never happened, I'm happy, that's the best thing of all!
Back In England..
?SO WHERE IS SHE?? My mum shouted.
?I don't know mum, I don't have a clue.? I said, I looked everywhere for here, and I couldn't find her, it's been like three days, and I actually cannot find her. I was stressed and everything, I don't know anywhere she could be. My mum shook her head, she looked so disappointed. She walked out of my yard slamming the door. Lisa came in from the bedroom.
?What's up?? She smiled flicking her hair back. I shook my head.
?Nothing.? I sighed.
?Right well I'm gonna go get something for us to eat so I'll be back soon.? I nodded and we kissed and she left. I went up to my room and lay on the bed. I hadn't slept in days and I had a nasty headache, I needed to talk to Em, just see her and explain myself, I was such a dickhead, don't know where she is, what she's doing, nothing. I aired her when she wanted to talk and stop giving her all the love I wanted to, I just left her, I don't know what was running through my mind, stupid me! I actually thought it was the way to go, airing her and shit, but here I am regretting it, I didn't even say I loved her back, I just left everything. I picked up the envelope on my desk and opened it. Something dropped on my chest. I sat up and it was that engagement ring I got her, time ago! I've been looking for that for over a year! I pulled out the letter and read it.
Hiya! It's me! I'm abit dopey now, but the medication worked, I am better, and I'm happy. I know you don't like me no more, you hate me, but it's understandable because I'm quite stupid, but anyway! Remember the funny times when you would stay at mine and we would watch Teeth over and over again, and I made you watch it at midnight, then you'd scream in your sleep? It makes me laugh always, even when you aren't talking to me I think about it and laugh, because it feels like you are talking to me but your just away for a few days.
I'm not angry at you, your angry at me, and I can't take it, when your angry at me my world comes crushing down, my heart stops and I shut down, I can't communicate with anyone else, and I cry myself to sleep when you pretend that I don't exist. When I found that ring I felt so happy that you loved me that much to wanna be with me forever, but I ruin everything, and I got with someone who ruined us more, ruined my mind, the way we communicate, my friendships with friends, everything. I realise that. I just wanted comfort but I caused you a lot of anger, I hate making you angry, how do you feel about it? Do you feel like you gotta get away from me? Wow I'm asking questions I will never ever get told, because where I am now is miles away from home, don't worry I didn't top my self, I am just really far away from you, and I'm happy that I am, because I would have killed myself if I stayed around you and you were mad at me, your the last person I'd come to if I was about to die or something, because you would change my mind. I will always love and respect you for all the good things you've done for me. Your a wikiid friend and deserve happiness, maybe you should go parachuting like you always wanted to with some one crazy, you should also write that book you wanted to, it would sell you an amazing writer. I wrote this when I was tired sorry for the squiggly writing. I'm going to have an amazing time where I am, and that's for both of us, so go us! I wanna pursue my dreams and make life out here, maybe just maybe I'll come back one day when we're really old and we can watch Teeth again; and sleep round each others, act like kids for one day! It would be fun. I'm happy I'm better, because I can leave you alone like you wanted, I took your advice, I am stopping depending on you, well officially I have, I've done myself good and moved on, maybe this time I won't fall in love, I don't want to, but if I do, hopefully God will help me make the right choice, I don't want to come running back to you because he broke a bone or something, I wish I could find someone like you, but there's only one Denzel, you belong with someone who isn't mental who won't break you, who won't be crying every hour of the day. I need SOMEONE right, you were too perfect for me, I hope you the very best in life, and I've been praying for you everyday since I met you, that won't ever change,
P.S I love you; but don't let people hold you back, do something to make your mum proud, get married, have children, a big family, and be the happiest man I know alive! You deserve millions and more,
I sighed and felt my heart stopped, well where is she, I can't even ask her because her phone is off or some network thing and I don't know where else to look. That letter just made me depressed and down, what have I actually done? I've destroyed the longest ever friendship I've had with an amazing girl because she wasn't well, I had feelings for her but we always seem to fuck it up. I put the letter down and opened the card and smiled, aww she left me money;
Hope you stay safe and enjoy life,
I'm gone but I won't forget you (obv your constantly on my mind hehe)
If I could repay you in full, money wouldn't even be enough.
I have a good life, hope to see u in my next life,
still as Denzel lol,
I love you so much xx *
I put them down and lay under the covers, you know what I doubt I'll ever see her again, I know I won't, I know her too well, and I can't find her, she could be anywhere, across the universe, I mean anywhere, I can't find her, there's nothing I can do, she knows where I am if she needs me. Then it hit me, I told her not to depend on me, I should of thought about that before I said it, never tell a ill person negative things, they never look your way again. I groaned and put the card down and lay down hugging my pillow. I heard the door.
?BABES!? Lisa yelled. I groaned, should have been Em, every time the door went I'd think it was her. I keep saying her name without realising, everyone's in shock that she's gone, but we don't know where.
?Babes.? Lisa said sitting on the bed. She stroked my face smiling.
?I got us some food, what's wrong?? She said. I shook my head.
?Just lost something important, I doubt I'll get back, but it's okay, just let me rest a bit yeah, I'll eat later.? She nodded and smiled, I gave her a peck and she left the room, I closed my eyes and slept, I hadn't in day, because of thinking of Em, but if she was safe, then that's what matters, I just hope nothing happens to her, or me for that matter, I can't afford to go back to my old ways, no now, I'll wait for her, till I can possibly can, I just need a bit of hope and loads of gummy bears, then I can wait, for ages.