Emily.

Emily 2.

Emily

Things have been this strange since my parents left, I grew more and more to be silent, and I just stopped expressing myself. What else could you do? Everything in me was empty, no feelings. I think I'm so empty people know. They look in my hazel eyes and see absolutely nothing, it's not their fault. It wasn't God's fault either, it's life. Bad things sometimes takes over. I sat in my box room, this room was so filled with memories, it was my own secret place to feel something when I sat in it. There was not much to say really. I just remember moving in here after turning 17. I didn't have anyone to come see the flat with, Grandma wasn't here, there was no home owner to show me around. The only presence in this house was my dad's. Sometimes I feel I can almost here him in another room, whistling and laughing. I wouldn't move, I would listen to it like it was an addictive song. I stood up and moved the curtains over and looked at the quiet road, the rain smacked against the floor, and a man ran past to quickly find shelter. I needed someone, I mean yes, I had friends, but I wanted someone to be there, the ones here just went, they let go very well in fact. Mum and dad dead, Grandma was taken away from me, and him? Well he went away too, ?Just for awhile Emily, not too long..? Was all he said before going, but if so, this while, was taking a very long time, soon it will be two years, I won't see him again. That's for sure. I walked down my dark corridor, I never put the light on in this house, nothing to look at, I went into my room and sat on the bed and stared into the darkness...

*?You should be a proud man Jefferson, bringing this joy into the world!? My aunty said lightly squeezing my cheeks. I smiled and got up and ran to get the bowl of salad my mum prepared for the family. Aunties and Uncles came over every Sunday after church to have a family gathering. I saw most of my cousins, and we would play millions of games. I went back in the room and placed the bowl on the table and sat down.

?Good girl, Emily how old are you now?? My uncle leaned in and asked,

?EIGHT!? I put my fingers up to show the figures. My dad laughed and shook his head. My uncle joined in and nudged him.

?Just like her mum, full of joy and happiness, proud father aye.? He said. Grandma sat there in silence looking at them oddly. She shook her head got up and walked out. Uncle looked at her as she did then looked at my dad.

?Jeff, the money?? My dad sighed and looked at him.

?Already, I thought I gave you and Agnes some last week,? He looked at Aunty.

?Well it's all gone. Come on, we need this!? She pleaded. He looked at them and nodded.

?Alright.? He looked down at his food and began eating. I looked in silence, why did they always ask daddy for money? I guess family are here all the time. I got up and ran to play with everyone else...*

I didn't get that no more, no happy meals, family get-togethers, in fact no family. They all disappeared when dad died, and when Grandma didn't have any more money. I had a lot of family. It was surreal, now nobody.

?Oh mum I miss you, I say it everyday, but I miss you so much!? I mumbled and took a deep sigh. I held onto her bracelet she had given me, and just kept rocking myself as I mumbled how much I needed her guidance. I got in bed and said a prayer for their souls, and Grandma, and him. I knew God would protect them for me, especially Grandma and him. I went to bed keeping my eyes wide open for a few minutes, I closed them and slept.

The next day was like every other routine, get up, bath, get dressed, college. I did it and wore black clothes, I didn't like anything else, it was always black, simple and comfortable. My friends thought I was crazy, even some thought I was a creep at first. It was only Solange who had explained things to them about my past that, made them comfortable around me. The circle or friends? Not really. I hated the way they acted, yet I was around them for the sake of my close friend Solange. It was the way boys could treat them like rubbish, yet they would do anything to get the attention from them. To their boyfriends, I was a complete weirdo, who shouldn't be there. I see it in their eyes. I could read people's emotions quickly nowadays. Hardly anyone is able to make me smile...

*I sat at the back of the school field, crying. I had been sitting there all lunch, and I didn't know what to do, Solange was on holiday and I was on my own, and that bully took my money and phone. I was hungry, and Grandma was in hospital, I needed the phone to contact her after school, and I was scared now I couldn't. I sat away facing the fence and mumbling for my mum. I wanted my mum, no one else. I heard footsteps coming my way.

?Emily.? I heard his voice. I cried silently rocking my self and hiding my face away.

?Emily, what's wrong?? He put his arm around me.

?He took my money and phone, I need my phone to make sure my grandma is okay, she's not well and I'm really hungry! I can't even tell the teacher, he hit me.? I silently said. He grabbed my arm and looked and sighed. I just heard footsteps go into the distance, I really wanted to see Grandma, the only family left, who is not well and I can't call her. A few minutes latter I saw my money and my phone on my lap, and he was looking over me breathing heavily.

?What a motherfucking dickhead. Nahh he's a prick, when he touches you again tell me yeah?? I didn't say nothing. He sat down and got a tissue out of his pocket and wiped my eyes.

?You okay Emz?? I nodded. He sat there with me in silence and looked around.

?You can go if you want.? I silently said.

?Nah I wanna stay. I'm abit hungry though. Damn,? He laughed. I went into my bag and got out some chocolate and gave it to him.

?Nah that's your food.? I shook my head.

?I'll get a kebab after school, you can come as well if you want, moreover, I don't eat nuts!? I smiled. He smiled back and took it, and I gave him to drink. We sat in comfortable silence. We only just started talking, but he made me smile, and I felt like I finally made a friend...*

I smiled just thinking of him, our friendship couldn't be explained which confused much people when they looked at it closely. I liked it how things where. I left the house and made my way to the bus stop. I caught the first bus and made my way to college, on a very noisy bus. I didn't even have an iPOD or headphones to listen to music, that wasn't something I used, I used my book to get the rest of the world silent in my mind, and I read through the journey. I got to college and made my way to the common room area and sat in the corner reading. Everything around here was loud, people tutors, just everything. Solange walked in as happy as ever screaming with Candice. I sighed and looked down into my book.

?EMI-LAYYY !? She shouted and Candice laughed.

?Hi.? I quietly said. Solange hugged me. They sat down and Candice started talking about her last night shag session, I immediately got up and quickly grabbed my bag.

?Toilet.? I said quickly and walked out the room, I sighed and walked to my lesson, 20 minutes early. I sat outside on the floor reading feel satisfied with myself.

Life was difficult for me, nowadays I couldn't even go to my mum and dads grave, because of college work, gates were closed by 5. I really needed to go. I wanted time out with them, just sit there and think...that's all i wanted.