Worst Story In The History Of Wattpad

Chapter 3: *Thankfully* The Last Chapter

I stood there, my mouth gaping in an unfeminine style. In horror, I watched as the love of my life, Harry Styles, magically morphed into a bikini-clad reindeer-toad. I was frightened; Kyary's prophecy was coming true. I needed to come up with a genius solution, which is what I did.

To counter the attack from my future husband, I started to dance. Haphazardly, some background music began to play and a Hatsune Miku cosplayer appeared out of nowhere. This was a good signal. At least, it wasn't a bad one. Succesfully, I distracted Harry until my mum opened the door. She looked like she was about to cry.

"What's the matter, maarmy marmalade?" I question. Perhaps it was an onion.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. The time has come for me to tell you the truth. The terrible truth I've been hiding all these years from you". Tears welled up in her eyes like (insert-simile-here).  

"I-I-I'm..." she added, unable to continue from all the tears.

"What is it, māmāhǔhǔ?" I asked, trying to cheer her up.

"All these years, I lied to you. I'm not your mother." she whimpered.

"But mum, you'll always be a mother to me" I replied.

"You see", she paused for drama and to sob a little, "I could never have a kid of my own, so I went on an excursion to Africa to adopt some orphan from there" she completed the sentence, crying more water than the monsoon season.

"So that means... I'm an orphan and I was adopted?" I asked.

"No. I ended up not adopting an African child. Instead, I kidnapped my best friend's son. I wanted to send him to a temple so he could learn kung-fu and become a warrior" she said.

"And?" I intervened.

"Unfortunately, I stole the wrong child, and by the time I returned to correct my mistake, she had sold her son on Ebay for a sardine and a bowl of rice. I decided to be happy with what I had, and I said to myself: I shall raise this girl to be a ballerina warrior." She finished her mini speech, and consquently left the room in tears.

Even bikini-clad-reindeer Harry Styles cried. I pondered what my mom had just said. That means I failed her, because I absolutely detested ballet classes. Crying, I went downstairs to comfort my mum. But it was too late to apologize. She was leaving home, with slow yet painful steps. I could see sorrow in her eyes as she crossed the street with her backpack.

Before leaving me forever (maybe not that long), she bade me farewell. "Never forget, sweet daughter: the chicken is mighty." She loudly uttered those last words, and disappeared into the horizon like the horizon disappears into the horizon.

After these sad events, Harry went back to normal. The very next day, me and him got married in a gutter. Kyary and Miley were bridesmaids, and Brutishjocknesha... as for her, we had forgiven each other, and she was chosen to be the rapper of the wedding.

Alfredpinko, obviously, was the official stylist and make-up artist. He made me look 20% matrimonial-er. 

I invited everyone from my class, including the evil cheerleaders, to attend the wedding. Heck, even the Miku Hatsune cosplayer from earlier on came.

It was speckstacular; the bridesmaids chucked turds at everyone, and when it ended, everybody/pony ate the altar. Harry and I spent the rest of our lives happily together. After the wedding, I discovered he used to be a Harriett, and we had imaginary kids.

The end. This time, I mean it. Thank goodness *phew*. I bet you feel relieved.