A Drunken Mistake

A Drunken Mistake - Dear Katy

And they never wanted me.

I wasn't born because they wanted a child; I was born because they wanted a better image. I understand and accept that now, I was never wanted.

But that's okay. It doesn't matter that I wasn't wanted, it just matters that I was had.

I watch Katy as she stares back at me. We're lying on our bed at the hotel, not talking just looking.

God, I could get lost in Katy's eyes. They practically shone as they stared at me and were filled with love. I hope mine looked like that as well.

I reach over and start to stroke her stomach. Katy's now twelve weeks along, and her stomach is getting bigger.

"We should go and have our scan soon," she says, looking at her stomach as my hand strokes it.

My face lights up in a smile. I'm going to get to see my baby, my little baby on that screen. I'll get to hear her or his heartbeat. I can't wait for that moment.

"We'll book it when we get back to California, it'll be easier there," I say.

"Okay," Katy whispers.

We haven't officially moved to England yet, this was only a visit after my parents died. We're going to stay in America we decided until the baby is born and then move when him or her is getting a little older.

I know that Amy and Kyle want to be there and see our baby after they're born; we don't want to take that away from them. They've been with us through everything, it's only right they're with us through this too. Also I can't bear the thought of leaving my best friend just yet.

I'm still in shock whenever I stare at her stomach and imagine the little person that's in there. A little person that Katy and I made. That's truly amazing.

I continue to stroke Katy's stomach as she stares at it; I think she's in awe with the baby in there as well.

"Can you believe it, we made a human being," she breathes out.

"I know, it's amazing."

"Promise me we'll never be like them. Promise me that we'll love our child no matter what and never forget to love them. I don't want our children to ever resent us the way that we resented ours; I want our children to always know how special and loved they are. Promise me this will be true," she pleads.

I have no doubt that it will.

We could never be like them. I can't ever imagine Katy turning that bitter or being that cruel. She's the kindest and most caring person I've ever met; she's nothing like Sarah or my mother.

And I'm nothing like my father. I could never be as cruel to Katy or my child as he was, I could never be that vile. I love them too much to ever be that way.

So no, we won't be like them. It's a certainty.

"I promise that that will never be us. We will love our child in every way possible and show them that love. Sure, we'll make mistakes and we'll mess up, but there will never be any doubt in that child's mind of the love with have for them," I promise to her.

She smiles at me as I say this, relief on her face. I think she knows we'll never be like them, but I think she needed to hear me say this for her to truly believe it.

"And I also promise that I'll never forget to love you too. I promise that as we grow older and life gets tougher, that'll I'll never take you for granted. I'll show you every day my love for you and will love you until the day I die," I smile at her as tear fill her eyes.