The Downfall of the 'It Girl'

That's a heavy thing to go and lay on a girl......

But, then, soon after the night that everything went down, officially one of the worst nights of my life, it was almost like an invisible fog had begun to lift, and I started to see everything for how it truly was. Granted, I’d be lying through my teeth if I said that I didn’t think that Landon thought at least A little differently of me than he had any of his other girls, but I guess that’s the way it goes with your first love, or your first serious boyfriend, isn’t it? Regardless of who they’d been with in the past, or whoever they ended up with in the future, there always seemed to be at least a teeny tiny little part of us that holds onto the hope that we were different for them, someway, somehow. Even if it didn’t work out, we were different, we were special. And whether we consciously realize that we are or not, maybe we hold onto that hope or belief that we were different for them because they were so different and special to us? 

Suddenly, the sound of the bell dismissing us on to the next class jolted me from my thoughts, if for only temporarily. As I gathered my belongings and made my way out of the classroom with the rest of the sixth hour Spanish students, I said a small little prayer that I wouldn’t run into Landon or the rest of his group in the hallway. I didn’t think my psyche would be able to handle processing any new episodes right now.

****

Finally, after what seemed like just short of eternity, the final bell for the day rang loud overhead, freeing us from our seven hour prison sentence. With the speed and determination of a lioness out on a meal hunt, I made a beeline for my locker, and then for the exit doors. Stepping out into the fresh air and sunlight, I inhaled a deep breath, hoping to clear my mind some. Carefully making my way down the front steps of the school, I veered off to my left, catching myself automatically looking for Calvin’s car. 

But he, nor his car, were nowhere to be seen.

Sighing, I made my way across the parking lot towards the sidewalk and began the walk towards home, fighting back the tears in my eyes with everything that I had. Calvin must have really been upset earlier. He had given me a ride to and from school everyday since we had started talking and hanging out. It made sense for me to expect him to be there today, didn’t it? Was he just going to disappear into thin air after one insignificant little disagreement (or whatever it was)? 

Or….maybe something had happened? Maybe something was wrong? Had he gotten into an accident? Had an emergency or something come up at home that he had to deal with? Was he okay? 

Pulling my cell phone free from my purse, I quickly found his name in the ‘recent calls’ section and pressed the little green phone symbol without hesitation. Calvin didn’t have any kind of catchy ring-back song to listen to while you waited for him to answer; just the standard ringing tone for him. After four or five rings, his voicemail picked up, and I debated throughout the entire automated message whether or not I should leave him a voicemail. 

BEEEEEP!!!

“Hi, um, Calvin, uh, Cal…it’s Jenna. I was just calling because…well, I just wanted to make sure that everything was, you know… okay, or whatever. I didn’t see you in the parking lot at school, and that’s okay, I can walk home, I’m not calling about that, I was just….worried, I guess, I don’t know…Okay, well, uh, anyway, I guess call me back later if you get the chance…’Bye..” Pressing the red phone symbol on my screen to end the call, I felt like an utter moron. Oh, how I loathed leaving voicemail messages! I always got nervous and jittery and (I’m sure) sounded like a total ding-dong throughout the entire recording. Ugh…