The Downfall of the 'It Girl'

What are these......feelings I'm....feeling...??!

Approaching Jenna’s booth, I stood at the side in nearly the same exact spot that Calvin had moments before. “Uh, Jenna?” My voice was quiet, and unintentionally cracked a little. What the hell was up with me?!

Glancing up just long enough to register who was at her table, I felt the pains beginning to make their way back, and I fought to keep them at bay. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy, her usually perfect makeup slightly smeared, mostly at the outer corners of her eyes. Her hair that I used to love running my fingers through was now entangled around her own fingers in frizzy knots. A few small red patches had already appeared in random spots near her collarbone, which only seemed to happen when she was extremely upset.

‘….Like the night she ran out of your house…’ my subconscious whispered hauntingly. Yes, just like that night, I internally hissed back. 

“Landon, right now is really not a good time, okay?” Her voice broke and cracked, as if she was doing her absolute best to keep from bursting out into a fresh batch of tears and sobs. 

“I, uh, was throwing trash away…and saw…well, that Calvin guy seemed pretty pissed. And you seemed upset, so I just thought that…I don’t know…that I’d come over and see…..if, you know…if you were….alright, or whatever…” I tripped and stumbled over nearly every fucking word that fell out of my mouth. ‘What the actual fuck, Landon?!,’ I mentally scolded myself.

“You….what?” Jenna looked up, fresh tears brimming at the edges of her eyes, looking as though they were about to spill out onto her cheeks at any given moment. I had this sudden urge to just grab her and hold her. To tell her that everything was going to be alright. That….that I….loved her. 

“It just seemed like…I just wanted to make sure…” I paused, trying to regain my composure as quickly and as unnoticeably as possible. “I just wanted to check and make sure that you were okay,” I finally blurted out. Geez, finally.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” she huffed, and my mind raced to figure out what it was that I could have said or done to irritate her. Sure, I hadn’t been the nicest guy towards her lately, but hey, I had an image to uphold, after all. 

Reaching over to the napkin caddy, I pulled a couple free and slid them under the little ‘teepee’ Jenna had made with her arms by resting her elbows onto the table, and then interlacing her fingers in a sort of ‘praying’ stance. The top of her head rested against her thumbs; her face looking down at the Formica tabletop. After a few moments, I silently watched as she picked up the napkins, dabbed at her nose with one, and then at the outer corners of her eyes with the other, and then crumpled them both back together into her petite, delicate hands, interlacing her fingers once more.

“Why are you really here, Landon?” The sudden venomous tone in her voice didn’t go unnoticed. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, completely caught off-guard.

“Did you think that since Calvin and I were having a disagreement, or a fight, which it actually wasn’t either of those, if you must know, but if we were, that you could just swoop right in and do…..oh, I don’t know…whatever it is you thought you were gonna do?”  

Uh-oh. She was pissed. Or at least very quickly becoming that way. I’d seen her temper once or twice before. It wasn’t very becoming to her, but it took a lot to get her that angry, and I had somehow managed to accomplish getting her that pissed off in record time. And the bitch of it all was that I didn’t even know how I had done it. 

Shaking my head slowly, cautiously, from side to side a couple of times, I thought very carefully about each word before I actually said it, which was an extremely rare thing itself. “Jenna, no, no, that’s not it at all. I wasn’t trying to ‘swoop’ in and do anything, honest,” I paused, gauging her reaction so far, “Scout’s honor,” I said with a smile, holding up three fingers.