Same As Yesterday |rant book| *Completed*

Nightmare Friend Story Two + DUFFs

So I'm a bit tardy to the party about this one, I know. But this ties into something that actually happened yesterday. And I have quite a few things to say about this person that I wasted approximately nine months of my life on. So are you guys ready or nah? Fug that, your arse is ready. Let's go;

*Enter in August 2014*

Now, there is something about August of 2014 and August of 2015. Something about it was just amazing, the whole summer was tbh. The fact that I went to several things with my friends, actually appreciated myself for what I looked like and what I acted like and had like the best time on a swim team made it the best. Not to mention the countless hours working and meeting all y'all and listening to Marshall, Nas, Curtis, Kendrick and all that.

But August of 2014 couldn't have been more different. I was mad depressed then. Like-I'm-going-to-kill-myself-the-night-before-school and I'm-not-going-to-have-anymore-friends-bc-I'm-not-funny. It seems so stupid now but then it was like a serious issue.

And that summer, I formed friends with a person we'll call Duck Dynasty bc she was country as eff.  She we had known each other since I was like nine but she was always super intimidating. So when we started talking the year before, I freaked out.

And last year, I legit called her Doody bc that's how close we were. Or at least I thought.

The thing about Duck Dynasty was she was annoying. You know those people that always have to complain about their lives no matter how hardcore good they have it? Or complain about how ugly and fat they are and guys are literally killing themselves to talk to them? I cannot stand people like this, k?

My mind state and attitude was very fragile. Like someone could make a comment about how I say "like" a lot, which I really, really do, and I'd be ready to die. Yes, this actually happened. So her complaining about her life and herself made me look back on myself.

She had blue/green/gray eyes, I had brown.
She had like A cup boobs, I had Cs.
She was that mix of pale and tan that looked really pretty, I was convinced I had poop brown skin.
She had a thigh gap, my legs jiggled and rubbed together.
She was tall, I was short.
She had like rib length brown to blonde ombré hair, I had shoulder length, split ended black hair from how much I straightened it.

Just looking at her made me feel disgusting. It made me feel like I wasn't worthy of hanging out with her bc she was so pretty and all the guys talked to her. Guys never talked to me, why? She was white, skinny, pretty and had like four boyfriends. I was the complete opposite.

It made me resent my skin color to Hitler status. No really. This happened. I wanted all black people to die bc I thought we were a putrid race and that white people were automatically better bc they were born white. I made plans to get skin bleach as an adult and all that.

And it was all because every bit of media and all that I took in was with white people. All the people she thought were pretty were white. And I'm not gay but I wanted to be as pretty as her, you feel?

The other thing about Duck Dynasty was how she'd act with people. She'd pretend to be their friend one day and then the next she'd be mad at them for something they did like a year ago. Did anyone want to put up with that bullshlit? No. Did I? Yes.

Tbh, I don't even know why I liked her so much. We had some hardcore inside jokes but other than that, we never hung out outside of school. She always had plans to hang out with me but they always fell through. Like always. We had planned to go to like four concerts that year. Did we go? Blitch, please.

And then there's the boyfriend thing. So at the end of last year, she started dating this guy we'll call Ken, who has the personality of a fried piece of lettuce. And she always wanted me to hang out with them because she didn't want it to be awkward. So I did.

And then she'd go back and tell my now best friends, the squad I left for her, about how much of a stalker I was and how annoying I was.

Like really ho? With your daddy issues having, cheap bleached blonde, tumblr wanksta, scrawny arse, you have the bollocks to talk about me? Aight, aight. We good. One thing I despise is when people have a problem with me or something obnoxious I do and don't tell me but instead tell my friends. That is one way you are sure to end up at the tail end of my roasts, fr.

And also, Duck Dynasty is the one of the people your parents warn you not to hang out with bc they'll distract you from your studies and send you to some dark places. She didn't do 90% of her homework. And the other 10% she copied off of someone else. And I did that. I could've failed all my classes last year if I didn't hustle hard a few weeks pre exams. I didn't give a flying, fabulous, division of an eff about school. And she had a huge hand in that. Not all of it, but a lot.

But about the DUFF thing, I honestly just want to say to future J, don't compare yourself to other people. You aren't them, you aren't just going to wake up and become them, so freaking stop. You're fine the way you are, k? If you end up being the DUFF of a group, what does it matter? Like fr.

Whatever, just had to vent. And I'm about to see this blitch in a week so it's about to be a mother effing part three. *starts "Lifes on the Line"* K, catch ya later😉~thebiterphobia.