Same As Yesterday |rant book| *Completed*

Self Esteem

✖️Big thanks to reignofshady  for giving me the inspiration for this topic✖️

I used to have a sub level self esteem. Like it was really bad. I literally have this journal of offensive words about me and other people. A lot of bad things happened as a result of what I used to tell myself. It took an eff of a lot of effort and events to finally silence the voice inside of me. So, here's a few things that'll help you out if you're struggling with low self esteem + annoying things not to do. If this helps one person, it'll mean the world to me. Or if you know some people with a low self esteem, then this'll help you understand you're friend of someone who you think does. Tell me I'm the comments if any of these tips help you or can help me get to a better point.

^I am not a therapist by any means.
^If these tips don't help you, don't freak out.
^You may need professional help.
^Sorry if this takes you back to some dark places, that's not my intention

|Marshallisillmatic is not responsible for your negative actions|

So, here we go.

*If you get offended by me being honest about something sensitive, don't be mad at me, be mad at whoever or whatever lied to you*

*Sorry if some of these things get a little mixed up.
It's late I'm listening to the SSLP😂*

A Few Things to Remember If You Have Low Self Esteem
By: marshallisillmatic

What Does It Feel Like?
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Self loathing and low self esteem are not feeling low for an hour or taking an ugly selfie and deleting it. It's not when you're standing by your friends and you feel a fraction less than them. It's not getting little bit chubby after a huge dinner and feeling fat.

It's basically like being trapped. Having a self hate problem for two+ years, it's not being free. You can't do certain things without feeling too fat, too ugly or too stupid etc. It gives you soo many deeper mental illnesses. It's looking at your friends and feeling a thousand feet below them.

It's crying listening to "All About That Bass" because the girls in the video were happy and pretty and you aren't.

It's doing some regretful things to yourself because you don't care about your body. There's a pretty solid difference between feeling low for a day and for a few months.

Faking It Just Because
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For some reason, it's cool or attractive to have a mental illness. Everyone wants to be Alaska from Looking For Alaska and be an extremely unhappy person. Like no.

And trust me. Guys don't find it hot or like girlfriend material. It just makes you look like a thirsty thot. I can get if you have a self esteem and you're extremely outspoken, like me. But, for the love of Christ and for the avoidance of awkward silences:

DONT BE A THIRSTY THOT
IT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE
IT DOESNT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
IT MAKES YOU LOOK DESPERATE AS EFF

Looking Bigger Than Your Friends
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It's something that a lot of people are sensitive about. I'd hate to sound cliche as eff, but you're friends are different than you. This topic actually drove me to depression and anxiety. Being a DUFF wasn't happening for me. My friends are lighter than me, their thighs are slimmer, their smaller than me. They weighed like 90 pounds, I weighed wayy more lol. It's all in your genetics. This also goes for being skinnier than your friends too.

If you're bigger than your friends, it doesn't make you less desirable or the "fat friend". Now, if you weigh like 300 pounds, then yeah, you're pretty fat. But if you just have thicker everything than your friends, you are still beautiful. Your body is yours. All your imperfections make you you. So if you have thighs that bounce a little when you walk or have bigger boobs than your friends or you have or you have a natural thigh gap or naturally showing hip bones: it's you. It's your body and you can either spend 1818828327829193827366445281902383827278229 years hating it or 192939838219938282828328838292832883747474747 years learning to accept it for how it is.

Having White Best Friends When You're Black
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This is super true. So, I hang out with a lot of white people. I don't really mean to, but that's how it happens lol. My best friend, let's call her Hunter Hayes (long story at cheerleading tryouts) is white. She's also the prettiest girl in my year. A lot of guys like her and a shite ton of girls want to be her lol.

Basically, when you're a darker girl you're going to feel so terrible and ugly next to a pretty white girl. I got on some Blacker The Berry shite and basically hated myself for being black and being born black. I despised my skin color. I longed to be someone else. And plus all those reports saying that:

"Black girls are the ugliest race of girls"
"Black girls are no where near as desirable as Asian girls and white girls."
"No one wants a black girl."

Really didn't help either. And if you're a black girl and have never have felt like this, you simply either haven't lived enough or have been exposed to enough things.

I'm here to tell all of you guys and my future, black hating self, that you are desirable due to your skin tone. Just because a lot of society doesn't see you that way, does not mean that you aren't beautiful and that "nobody wants you". The fact that so many girls of my race get blue contacts, bleach their skin, get blonde wigs to be white is so sad imo.

You were pretty much born black for a freakin' reason the way I see it. So don't try to change yourself and your body because you are bombarded daily with pictures of pretty white, Asian, European and Hispanic girls.

Okay so sorry for that being so short. This is going to be a regular thing in this book, so get used or it lol. It's soo late omg. Anyways, catch ya later😉~marshallisillmatic