Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

Stubborn One

Lena's POV

I loved seeing my grandbaby today. Oh my God she was the sweetest and she looks so much like her parents, like she's just perfect.

Seeing Stef looking at that little girl with so much love, like instantly... it was bittersweet, I couldn't help but think about Frankie, and that joy on Stef's face when she would have hold her for the first time... But it was a great time. That little human is a blessing, and we love her so dearly and God is that child gonna be spoiled.

At the hospital earlier, I had mostly only gifts in my suitcase, like I didn't bring much for myself, just gifts for Stefania and for Brandon and Eliza. Stef said that I went a bit overboard, but I didn't care. I liked purchasing those items for them and I had it plan way in advance, everything was ready for such a long time, I'm almost embarrassed to admit it.

This day was hard on Stef though... I guess new events like this makes her more aware of all the events that she doesn't remember, all the first time with our kids that she doesn't remember.

I was mad at her for the mean things she had said to me but when she was in such distress, when I saw that look in her eyes again, that I haven't seen since a long time... I couldn't just stand there. I had to be there for her and help her through it.

We had work so long and so hard on communication during our marriage that I've almost forgot how she used to be at the beginning, how good she was at hiding her feelings and distracting the conversation. The shut down is something that I thought was solved but apparently it was still there. We managed to bury it along the years, in order for us to function, but I guess that kind of thing never goes away, it's still there in you somewhere...

What happened at the hospital was a panic attack, which I know is triggered by stress, but the cause of it... I mean it can be really a lot of things... either it's her being a lesbian again, now even married to a woman, or it's the memory loss, or it's her father... I mean that woman had a lot of trauma in her life... the things that she saw when she was a cop, and even at the women and abused children shelter... the twins accident, losing Frankie, her own accident and now the shock of discovering what her life looks like twenty-five years later as in her mind she's still a young mom of a five year old, married to a man...

I know all those experiences helped making the amazing woman that she is, but... sometimes I wish I could just take all of her pain and sorrows away...

Anyway, right now we are both in Brandon's home for it was bedtime already. Our son stayed with his wife and newborn for the night, and he told us to use the guest room.

What Brandon doesn't really know is that Stef and I, still don't sleep in the same bed... so here at his house, he has only one bed for the both of us...

I don't want to use Brandon and Eliza's bedroom, because we didn't talk about this prior and I know how a bedroom can be private. I don't want to make Stef feels uncomfortable though... just because we had a nice time today doesn't mean that she didn't mean all the thing she said to me weeks ago. She doesn't love me, and she doesn't know me...

So as I finished using the bathroom that was into our room, I go through my stuff in my suitcase before I turn around to look at Stef, already under the cover, looking at her phone.

She's probably texting Tess, I guess... I hate it, but what can I say? She's her own person and she takes decisions for herself, and since in her mind I'm not her wife, then I have no say.

"So I... hum, I'm going to sleep on the couch. Good night." I say softly, making her lift her head from her phone.

"What? Why?" she says, surprising me a little for she's the one who made me understand that she didn't want to sleep in the same bad as me in the first place.

"Well, I... Look, I know you don't feel comfortable sleeping next to me. I understand, so I... I'm going to sleep on the couch." I say honestly as she sighs for some reason.

"Lena, Brandon gave us both this room, I don't see why you should be the one sleeping on the couch." She says as I sigh myself, for if it was just me, I would curl up into the bed, snuggle into her and fall asleep in her arms... but that's just not the way it is.

"You still need to sleep in a descent bed, your leg is not totally healed yet, I want you to be comfortable. Plus, I don't mind sleeping on the couch, it's okay, really." I say for I can feel she's feeling bad for me, and I don't want that at all.

"Lena... Come on, I won't feel right, B said that..." she starts again, but I cut her off.

"Stef, really, it's okay. I really don't mind. You need to rest, it was a long day and I know you, if you don't feel comfortable and safe, you won't get any sleep." I say for that is true... when this thing with Monte happened, she wasn't feeling safe with me anymore, and she couldn't sleep...

"Lena please, just... just come into the bed, okay?" she insists as I sigh deeply, for were we really getting into a fight again, for something as futile as sleeping in a bed.

"Stef..." I sigh again but this time she's the one cutting me off.

"Lena, I want you here, okay? I won't feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I... I feel better around you now, and I... I think I can survive a night next to the woman I married." She says as I look intensely at her, feeling like it's the first time that she acknowledges me as her wife since she woke up.

"Stef... are you sure?" I ask for... it was tempting if I'm honest for sleeping next to her is what I dream of every damn night when we're at home and that I'm alone in that damn guest room bed.

"Yes. I'm sure. Come under the cover now." she says as she pulls the cover on the side for me to get in.

I look a bit hesitant, debating if that was a good idea or not. My heart took the decision when I looked into those soft hazel eyes, and I sigh for I wish this meant that she wanted something with me, but I know it's just her being nice.

I finally slide my body under the cover as Stef has a satisfy look on her face that made me smile for, she just learned how to get her way with me.

"And they say I'm the stubborn one." she says smiling wide at me as I smile myself knowingly.

"Oh yes you are. I'm easy." I blurt out as she raises an eyebrow at me, her naughty mind wakening as we both laugh a little and damn was that nice to laugh with her again...

"Lena I... Thank you for today... you know for..." she says getting more serious but still not finding the words to express herself, as her eyes soften and so are mine.

"No problem." I say simply for I know I can't go deep right now, not when we are in the same bed for the first time for her as she smiles at me.

We quickly get lost into each other's eyes and that look in her face is so soft and just... almost like before, but... the love I used to see in her eyes is not there anymore.

"Good night, Lena." she whispers softly, pulling me out of thought. We are not too close in the bed, nothing of our body is touching and God do I wish this wasn't the case.

"Good night, Stef..." I whispers back before I lay back and she does the same, both of us turning off our bed lamp and as I lay next to my wife, next to that woman that I'm so in love with but that I can't touch, I feel my heart racing into my chest from the hurt of being away from her, from the love that she inspires in me and... from the desire of feeling her warmth right next to my body...