Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

Please, Kiss Me

Stef's POV

One step forward and two steps back. I mean what was I expecting? Of course, she wasn't going to choose me over her stupid phone.

That must be her precious Cindy. I swear I'm over it. Fuck tonight. It's ruined anyway. I don't even know why I let her come with me. I knew she wasn't going to be one hundred per cent with me. I'm so stupid for having even hoped, I mean... she really doesn't care that much about me anymore.

"Oh Stef, where is that wife of yours? You guys looked so cute on the dance floor." Chandra asks as I get passed her, heading right to the bar.

"Don't ask me." I say, frustrated and angry as hell.

I take a sit at the bar, isolating myself because at this point, I don't want to see or hear anyone except for the bartender.

"5 shots of tequila, please." I order as the young girl looked at me, nodded, and got to work immediately.

"Here you go." She says as she pours the liquor in the line in front of me, and she barely have the time to finish that I took them one after the other, before asking for 5 more.

"Are you sure?" she asks as I'm so angry that I physically have to hold myself not to scream at her as I give her a hard glare.

"Alright." She says, understanding the assignment.

I drink those too, in a row, feeling my throat burning, and my heart breaking at the same time for I'm so unhappy... I am and I don't know how to fix this because I love Lena, I don't want a life where she's not my wife, but at the same time, I don't really feel that married anymore.

"Now get me some whisky please. Make it a double." I ask, feeling the alcohol, slowly hitting my system, and I don't plan to stop drinking until I forget how empty my life is now that Lena is more in love with her job that with me, her wife.

I drank and drank and didn't stop until I felt a hand sliding on my shoulder.

"Stef, I've been looking for you in the whole bar." Lena says as I manage to look into her eyes, even though at this point I'm so drunk that I can barely see straight.

"Oh, now you're here, huh? Finish with your precious phone call, already? Was it... what's her name again?? Oh, Cindy, right? How could I forget?" I struggle to get out as I almost laugh for that situation is crazy to me. What the hell am I even doing here, with her.

"It was a very important call, Stef. It was about..." she starts to say, but I can't cut her off soon enough, for she's going to brag about what amazing thing she did with one phone call, and I'm going to hear about it for hours if I don't stop her.

"Oh Lena, I don't give a fuck of what it was about. In fact, fuck the assembly, and fuck Sacramento, oh and fuck Cindy! I mean if that is not done already, right?" I blurt out, more hurt and bitter than I've ever been.

"Oh my God Stef! Are you drunk?!" she exclaimed, looking so shocked, for the worst she had seen me was tipsy because I never drink until I am drunk ever, but tonight, oh dear Lord did tonight get me.

"Yeah, yeah I'm drunk, so what?" I say a bit aggressively as I feel my heart beating so damn hard into my chest.

"What came into you? I mean... I..." she tries to speak, but I don't wanna hear it.

"What came into me?! What came into YOU?! You're never here! Even when you are, you're not! Your head is stuck back there! I don't even know why you came! You don't even want to be here!" I screamed as she looks at me like I'm fucking crazy, and that is making me boiled inside even more.

"Of course I want to be here! I came because I wanted to surprise you and that's how you thank me?!" she dares say.

"Thank you?! Thank you?! You're my wife! Your supposed to come see me, and your daughter! Remember that daughter, that you barely have time for?! Remember that little girl that you were so afraid not to be here enough for?! Well, guess what! You're not!" I spill out for that one topic have been in my head for too long now. And I hold myself enough not to hurt her, but right now I honestly don't give a shit.

"Stef, you're being an ass. I do what I can. I'm here when I can, you know my job is important."

"More important than Kamaya? More important than me?! When did you become this person?! I don't even recognize you anymore!" I yelled feeling the tears sliding down my face for I feel so bad, I want my wife back, I need my Lena. My sweet, sweet Lena...

"Stef, I think you need to rest and cool off. We need to get home. Let's go." She orders, not even bothering to deny that her work is more important than us, not even offended that I could think that. I mean, did I already lose her?

"It doesn't even feel like home anymore..." I whisper, feeling my heart break and my head spin. I'm just so disappointed and defeated. How did this happen? Why didn't I say something sooner? I should have seen that coming.

"Honey, please. Let's go. We'll talk about all of that when you'll be sober. I promise I will make time. Please, come with me." she pleads as she takes my hand and I look at it, feeling her skin touch mine, and that only, used to give me butterflies...

"You promise?" I says, with such a weak voice, for at this point I don't even know if I can fight for us alone anymore.

"I do, I promise baby. Let's go." She says, as she squeezes my hand and help me to stand up.

I feel dizzy and so she just puts her arm around me to support my body, and I'm not even sure if we said goodbye to our friends, not even if they saw me like this, and next thing I know, I'm back home, sit on the bed with Lena standing in front of me, taking my clothes off.

She's so beautiful that I can barely breathe. She always been so sexy, and she has just that halo that makes everyone instantly fall for her. And I did, I fell hard for her. I remember this part of our life, when we first got together, when we were more in love than ever, she would look at me, and I would feel so alive... now, she doesn't glance much in my way, and it's like I'm dying inside... she's the love of my life, but if she doesn't even look at me anymore, what the hell is going to happen to me?

"Lena..." I whisper, making her look into my eyes, as I was just in my bra and panties.

"I'm going to put you in bed, babe." She says softly as I look into her brown eyes, still feeling like my head is going to explode, but maybe she could do something about it.

"Please, kiss me." I beg. I was dying to feel her again, I didn't want to have sex, I wanted us to make love. That deep and passionate love we used to share.

She looks at me with puzzled eyes. She stares into my eyes for a few seconds, and I have no damn idea of what is going on in her head, and I'm so drunk, that I'm not sure what's going on in mine either, as she leans in to kiss my lips softly and then pull away, but I didn't let her.

"Make love to me, Lena..." I plead against her mouth, feeling my eyes filled with tears again as I cup her soft cheeks, and kiss her again, and just that feels so good. I try to get more by licking her lip so she would let me in, but at this, she pulls away, holding on to my wrists so that I can't hold her back.

"Stef, honey... you need to get some sleep." She says, still softly, but the rejection hit me deep and hard.

"You don't want me... You just don't love me anymore, do you?" I ask, for I just want her to be honest with me, I'm tired of asking myself this exact same question every day.

"Baby we won't have sex because you are drunk, but of course that I still love you, come on. Just because I'm away doesn't mean that I don't love you or think about you. I do love you, honey, that will never change. It's just that I have a job that matters now, they need me there, babe." She explains as I sigh deeply for can't she see how badly I need her here...

So I didn't say anything more. What else can I say, anyway? And with that I lose eyes contact with her because I couldn't stand it anymore, and I just lay back and turn around so I wouldn't see her face before she gently pulls the covert over me...