Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

Hi Mom...

Lena's POV

After Stef woke up, like the doctor suggest I went home because that was... that was too much for me to bear...

Stef, losing her memory... our memories... she forgot me, she remembers all her life until it reaches the moment that we met... how sick is that? How hurtful?

She literally erased me and us and everything in between from her life. Me and the kids... we don't even exist for her and that cuts... it really does...

It's not her fault, I know she can't help it, but I'm mad at her... yet, I love her, and I want her to be okay and I know if this is hard for me, it's even worst for her because her whole world is upside down now... she's going to be lost for God knows how long, and I... I don't know how we are going to get through this...

She seemed to feel so overwhelmed and scared and I wanted to be there for her, but for her... I'm no one, a stranger... but still she's my wife and I don't want her to be alone, so I went to see Sharon in the guest house, I told her what happened and of course I couldn't help but cry all along, while asking her to go see her daughter and reassure her because she's the only one that could do that right now...

Then I called Jesus because if Stef doesn't remember anything, I'm surely going to do everything I can to make her remember and what better reminder than all of our children reunited.

So now here we are. Me and my six children, walking in the hospital to see my wife that doesn't remember us... I swear to God... I'm being punished...

To tell Kamaya last night that her mother won't remember her when she would walk into that room, to see the fear in her eyes... the wondering, the doubt... it was awful...

But what else can I do? I have no idea so I guess we will take it one day at the time, starting today. I admit that I'm myself terrified to walk into that room...

Sharon stayed with her last night, so she's probably still here for which I'm glad because she's the only landmark that Stef as right now... maybe Brandon can manage that as well, but I'm not sure since she remembers him only at five... and Mike, well, he can't be here until next weekend so...

He was so taken aback when I told him about Stef. Of course, he knew she got into an accident, but he couldn't possibly think that such thing as Stef losing her memory could happen. And Stef asking for him as her husband was something we both were surprised and taken aback from. For me it was even hurtful for... asking for Mike instead of me??

I know I shouldn't take it personally, but it's hard, it really is. I don't know how to compartmentalize but I know that I better find a way and quickly because all of that is going to be put on my shoulders and this time, I'll be the one carrying my all family, because as much as I hate it, I know the kids are going to be crushed that their own mother, don't remember them...

"Oh, Lena. Hey, how are you doing honey?" Sharon says as she was walking in the hallway with some coffee.

"Well I... I don't really know if I'm honest... but how is she? Is she okay? And you?" I say, feeling sad and scared, but so damn relieved that at least Stef is up, and talking... at least there's that.

"I'm fine, I'm fine honey. And Stef... well, she's still a bit tired, and... overwhelmed, who wouldn't be, you know... but you know her, she's acting tough, but I think she can take it, seeing you and the kids I mean." Sharon says honesty as I sigh deeply feeling my stress get the best of me as I'm holding on Kamaya's hand who has been awfully quiet during the drive and that doesn't help me to relax.

"It's gonna be fine, Lena. Maybe it will take time before she gets used to so many people, but... she'll get there, and well... maybe she'll remember when she will see the kids... who knows?" she says, trying to cheer me up, but I honestly don't feel like it's going to be very fine and that she's magically going to remember when she'll see the kids...