Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

The Good And The Bad

Stef's POV

Life has a way to surprise you, I guess. Sometimes with good things, sometimes with bad things, but no matter what happens, I used to be fine with it because I had the most amazing partner I could ever wish for.

I remember those time with Lena... Those times when we were so damn happy. Sure, we had our bunch of issues, of disagreements, but we always found a way to work things out, and stay united, together in good and bad as we said at our multiple weddings.

Life used to be sweet, I've been blessed several times. I found the love of my life and raise all my amazing children with her. I had a career that I loved as a cop, then when this chapter was finished, I found another job that I'm equally passionate about, that is working to help abused women and children. Yeah, life used to be sweet but now...

Now, I just wonder when it went all wrong...

For a while now, Lena has been involved into politic. I've been incredibly proud of her for defending so fiercely the things that she believes in, so proud that she fights so hard to make the world a better place, and that, for everyone, including minorities.

I've been supportive when we had to move out from our house that we cherished so dearly for her to be able to run for the California State Assembly. I was okay with it; I even initiate it because I wanted her to do what she loves doing even though she was a bit hesitant to go for it at first. I was so damn proud of her...

It was so hard to see her getting attacked, being discriminated. It was infuriating when her opposants were trying everything to humiliate her and I felt so powerless... I wanted to protect her, but I just couldn't, it was our life now, that's how that kind of things work. But I did my best to be there for her and comfort her as much as possible to help her keep going because I wanted her to succeed, I wanted her to win so very bad.

The campaign for the state assembly has been hard on our couple though, I felt so cut off from her. She was always with her campaign manager Cindy, that I can't stand. She discussed everything with her, including our life decisions. At that time, I didn't recognize her at all. It was the first time that I felt that strange feeling of loneliness since I've met her. Cindy was asking her to change her appearance, she was asking ME to stay at my place and Lena just let her without saying much. I couldn't give an opinion without Cindy flipping out, and Lena, instead of talking about it with me, would often go debate about me with that woman.

Things went better when we went visit the girls in LA, and I kind of lose my temper which kind of worked as an electroshock for Lena. She realized that we were drifting apart so she made the adjustment that was necessary for us to be able to be in good terms and she became herself again.

I was happy about it, and I was glad that things were getting back to normal between us even if the context has change. Lena was becoming an important person in regard to the community, she was starting to be recognized in the street and that was changing our life, but again I was happy for her, because she seemed happy and fulfilled.

Eventually, Lena won and got a seat at the State Assembly. We were all so damn proud of her, me maybe even more than she was herself. It was a very important job and we didn't really want to be apart from each other so after discussing it, we agreed that I would be taking some time off of work to come with her as she goes back and forth even though I had a job offer in Venezuela that I didn't talk to her about because I knew that she was going to insist that I go do what I love doing as well which is also help people, just in another way. Of course, me being a person that always get caught, Lena found out about it, and convinced me to take the job because she wanted me to be happy too, that our love was going to survive no matter what.

But then, life surprised us with another child, a little girl, our little girl, Kamaya. The need to go to Venezuela, instantly melt away. She needed a family and a place to live, she was Corey's little sister, that we almost considered as our son as well, and so... I mean we couldn't say no, and we didn't want to. We were happy to foster her, and then one year later, adopt her.

But with a child involve, life was going to change. I couldn't just follow Lena everywhere, I had to stay in San Diego and take care of Kamaya for she had school, activities and all that. We couldn't move to Sacramento either because Kamaya has her brother and her grandmother here, and we refused to take that away from her when she already lost her dad and her mom.

But that decision had a price, and that is being away from each other most of the time...

At first, we managed it. For a few years, it worked pretty well, we found our balance and it was great. We found a big house since we could afford it with Lena's very generous salary. That house was to welcome our numerous kids when they would come visit, we wanted to be able to have them all at the same time with us, at home. Anyways, Kamaya and I would visit Lena on the holyday, and Lena would often come spend the weekend with us. We were still very happy, and even with the distance, we managed to stay connected, and on the same page.

Until, one day, we stopped... I don't know how, and I don't know why, but progressively, without us noticing it, our relationship became a thing that I can't even describe anymore.

Our conversations over the phone became shorter and shorter. When she would come visit or the other way around, she is always caught up and so taken by her work that sure was very important, but... I mean, it became everything, it became more important than her family... even her relationship with Kamaya was starting to be at risk for that little girl loves Lena so much, she admires her like no other, but Lena... the woman that used to be the most amazing mother in the whole world was starting to neglect her daughter's needs.

She comes with gifts when she visits, but that's whole she brings for her heart and mind are still in Sacramento. Her phone is like attached to her hand the whole time that she's with us, and it feels like she comes because she has to, and not because she wants to and misses us.

Our sex life became just that. Sex. Sex to relieve the pressure, sex to avoid having a real conversation, but that's about it. It's still good, for it always is with Lena, but... I can't even call that making love anymore. Her mind is somewhere else when she's in my arms, and it hurt so bad, because I am here, I am with her, eager to just feel each other again, feel our love in that particular way like we always did. But I guess that time is revolute.

We lost our passion, or at least she lost her passion for me, because in my end, I'm still desperately in love with her, with that strong and important woman and I don't think that will ever change, but I wonder... does she still loves me?

Maybe I should ask. I haven't said anything, I've been keeping my mouth shut because I want to keep supporting her, but what's the point if I'm not even happy anymore...