It Will All Work Out (Intersex gxg)

Chapter 31

"It's hard to make friends, mom! I didn't know what the truth was!" Maddie wailed. "I'm so sorry! Leigh is in my gymnastics class, and she kept saying they needed someone to make you feel as bad as you made them feel." Karen just scoffed at that, but I knew she was probably telling the truth. She may have been putting on an act to play her part in hurting me, but I had little doubt that Nicky and Leigh had promised her something that would be big for someone new to the area and just starting in High School. Being popular was a valuable commodity to a lot of students. 

I was just getting sick of people telling me they were sorry for hurting me instead of just not hurting me in the first place. Was that really so hard?

I didn't wait to hear the rest of their discussion, because I had my answers. None of what I thought we had was real, and I'd fallen for someone with no feelings for me at all. She really would be good in the drama club. I knew that sooner or later, I'd get Nicky alone, and I'd make her pay for all the years of torment. But in the meantime, my heart felt shredded. None of her feelings had been genuine. I was played from the very first moment that Maddie sat at my table.

I really hated my life.

By the time I was getting home, it was dark, and I was tired all over. I felt like a zombie as I put my bike away and climbed the stairs to my room. I knew I needed dinner, but I had no energy to cook at all, so I ordered a pizza. I hated having to do it, but sometimes you have to give yourself a break. As I lay in bed, waiting for the delivery in the dark, I was surprised to see an email from Shay. Considering I hadn't had one of those since July, I was a little scared to open it.

Amber,

I just wanted to check up on you and see how you were holding up. I know that it has been rough lately, and I know that I contributed to making things worse. I'll never forgive myself for kissing Gail, but as foolish as I was, I'm glad you did so I could end it before I messed up and let it go further. I was being stupid, I know that, but it hurt so much thinking that you wouldn't accept me, and I just made an impulsive decision without ever talking to you. I don't expect you to take me back, maybe not ever, but I would like to at least be your friend. Can we go back to that? I won't ask for anything more, I'm ready for whatever you want. I'm going to wait on you now, the ball is in your court.

Shay

My breath caught in my throat when I read that, and my heart started pounding. I had no intention of jumping back into another relationship, I hurt too much. But at the same time, Shay had acted like the friend she used to be when I needed her the most, and that I could use again. I read it three times before I saw something else though.

First, I finally knew that the girl she'd kissed was named Gail, but she also said that she called it off before things went further. And yet, Gail and her friend had been in the library talking about having sex with Shay! I slapped myself on the forehead in realization. Much like Maddie, that had to be a setup as well. Why would they go there and talk about sex with Shay unless it was for my benefit? They were just trying to hurt me even more before Maddie came in, got my heart to open up, and then ruined me when I was trying to heal myself.

Everything was a damn game to them. Evidently everyone in school could be talked into playing along with their plans. I could only imagine what Shay's reaction would be to that, but I couldn't tell her via email. I hoped she wouldn't be as hurt as I was over Maddie, but it would probably still sting.

Shay,

Can you come to the gym tomorrow at lunch? I think we need to talk. But, to answer your question, yes, I think we can go back to being friends. The rest might take time, as I don't think I'm willing to put my heart on the line again any time soon, for anyone. But the future could change things, so we'll see.

Amber

After I sent that I felt a little better. Shay really had been a great friend and had the teasing by the girls not spoiled things, I did think she would have told me her secret when she was ready. It was shitty for them to have done that, since it was the same as outing someone and not giving them the chance to do it on their own. Sooner or later, I hoped that the universe would tip the scales back, and those girls would get what they deserved. If not, there was just no justice. Shay replied almost instantly that she'd be there, and I hoped that we'd settle things. If this friendship was going to work, we had to know what the other assholes were up to.

The pizza finally arrived, and I brought a couple slices to my mom, who ate them mechanically. Strangely, as much as she was drinking again, there still hadn't been any men since her relapse, so I counted that at a minor bit of progress. I still hated that she was going out to get the alcohol, but I couldn't do much while at school and work. Hell, I'd even hidden her car keys to prevent her from driving, but she must have a spare set because she was still drinking.

I wish I knew what miracle triggered the break in the summer, so I could try to repeat it and this time get her into AA or rehab. I was also kicking myself for not having had a plan for my birthday back then, because I knew that was going to be a tough day for her. But I got complacent. I saw her doing well and thought she could continue it. Now I had to just hope for the best that something would change, because nothing I was doing was helping at all.