A Collection of Short Stories

4

I said too. Shit. Well it's not like anyone will remember. I keep taking puffs of the cigarette, letting the toxic fumes coat my lungs. Feel a sense of relief with each exhale. I don't smoke often, only when I get really stressed. Times like this are a perfect example. Though it's not often I run into the supposed love interest of my crush.

As I ponder of all the thoughts and interactions of the last half an hour I hear a creak. My head quickly turns to the door, instinctively hiding the cigarette. I realize it's no use at this point since the smell is evidently in the air. I look to see Lou standing in the doorway staring back at me.

She glances down and sees the lighter, picking it up and reaching out her hand. I hand her the pack and she takes one out, lighting it before slipping the pack in her pocket. Setting the lighter back how it once was so we don't get locked out.

For the first few minutes she doesn't say anything. I at least expected her to scold me for smoking, but I got nothing. I put my cigarette out when I was done and just leaned against the brick wall. Staring at the opposite one that seemed to test my irregular claustrophobia.

"You said too" she points out, finally breaking the silence. Of course she noticed. Lou noticed everything. I stayed silent for a while, my anxiety creeping back up. My sympathetic nervous system going haywire and sending me into fight or flight.

They always mention those two but they leave out some important additives. Freeze and Fawn. Right now I was stuck between the two. Do I lie and just try to get out of it? I couldn't move, couldn't speak, I could barely breath. "Y/n?" Lou calls my name bringing me back to the present but I still don't move.

"Mhm" I hum, a passive decision on my part. I could be responding to her calling my name, I could also be replying to her question. She can't know, in fact, neither do I. "Is that 'mhm' in reference to my question?" She asks for clarification, "yeah" I answer softly.

"Why didn't you tell us?" She asks quietly, "why didn't you tell me?" This time she sounds hurt and that breaks my heart. I tried keeping it from her to prevent her being uncomfortable and I still failed. "I'm sorry" I offer and she hums shortly, like an internal scoff.

I feel pain in my chest as I know I've hurt her. It's like I can feel what she's feeling and boy, it hurts like a bitch. "Who are they? Must be someone important" she continues, not yet dropping it. "You and Mariana..." I say questioningly, choosing to change the subject.

"What about it?" She asks, turning to me but I still keep my eyes forward. "Are you guys..." I couldn't bring myself to say it, "together?" She finishes and I nod slowly, "no" she replies simply. Her head turning back to face the wall across from us. "She's a friend, a pain in my ass really" she chuckles dryly.

I smile sadly at the sound of her laugh, she sounds really tired, in general. Of what, I'm not sure. "Are you ok?" I work up the courage to ask her, she sighs deeply. Taking a minute before answering my question. "You know, I find it hard to lie to you. I don't know why, but I just can't do it" she admits.

"I feel like utter shit and it's my own fault" she mumbles. "I'm sure it's not" I assure her, "oh but it is. I can't seem to... align myself" she says vaguely. "Guess we're two peas in a pod" I chuckle sadly. "You never did tell me who it was" she circles back around. "I'd rather not say" I reply honestly.

"I'm assuming it's a woman? I mean you're almost gayer than me" she jokes. Just having her here with me calms me down. I can't lie to her either and her voice just makes me want to open up. Lay myself bare in front of her and hope she doesn't maul my heart.

"Yeah... she's beautiful, Lou. The most intelligent, captivating, prepossessing woman I've ever met..." I say, "but?" She asks in a whisper, her tone placed distantly. "She doesn't want me, at least I don't think" I vocalize. "Have you tried asking her? That's always a start" she advises.

"I can't. Anyways, what's got you so down? I've never seen you like this" I point out worriedly. "It's complicated. A bit of what you're going through, I guess, yet it feels so much worse. I mean I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I haven't asked her either. Every day I see her and I just..." she stops, taking a deep breath.

"In all honesty? I don't think I'm good enough for her. She's so... perfect" she says shakily and without thinking I reach out to grab her hand. I look at her with tears in my eyes, I really do feel her pain. More than she knows, I'm just better at hiding it. She looks down at me and smiles sadly.

"Y/n..." she says looking in my eyes, "Lou..." I reply. She opens her mouth to speak but then the door opens. "God damn it! I've been looking for you two for the past twenty minutes! Of course you both leave your fucking phones" Debbie scolds. We both stare at her blankly, not at all mentally prepared to react appropriately.

"Oh jesus christ just gimme my cigarettes" she says reaching out her hand, Lou hands it to her. "Lighter" she holds her hand out impatiently. "Just take mine" Lou says and Debbie retreats inside for the lighter. The door slowly closing onto the butane filled plastic tube.

"What we're you gonna say?" I ask, looking up at her, my eyes wide with curiosity. She doesn't say anything and as I blink before going to ask her again I'm shocked. Her lips pressed against mine and I didn't have time to react before she pulled away. "Fuck. I read it wrong" she mumbles to herself.

My mouth is still open, ready to say something, anything. But nothing comes out, I just stand there like a dazed fool. "You don't have to say anything. In fact, please don't, I'll leave" she says. The heaviness in her tone even greater than before.

For once my idiot brain connects the dots and I speak. "Were you talking about me?" I ask what seems like the obvious, but I'm really not sure. There's so many factors at play here. She's been drinking and she's sad, her mind is in a different place. Before I let my heart out it's crumbling cage, I need to be sure.

"Yes" she whispers shakily, her breath hitching immediately after. As I put my hand on her back, her breath shudders. A sob leaving her mouth making tears spring time my eyes. "Why are you crying?" I ask her, again a stupid question that only makes her cry harder.

I try to pull her into my arms but she pushes me away. Gently nudging me and I can tell she wanted to push me harder but head back. "Please just... don't" she says, taking breaths and holding them as an attempt to stop herself from hyperventilating. "Ask me again" I tell her and she looks up at me.

Her eyes clouded with tears whose comrades had already fled to her cheeks. Some rolling down to her neck, causing like grey stains to form on the collar of her shirt as her eyeshadow ran. "W-what?" She asks, still struggling to calm her breathing. "You asked me who I was talking about earlier... ask again" I say softly.

"For what? I don't see the poin-" I grab her cheeks and wipe her tears. A gesture that instantly ceases her speaking, "ask. Me. Again" I stress each word. Her breathing slowed rapidly and she stared into my eyes. "Who were you talking about?" She asks in a whisper, hope flitting across her eyes like skaters on ice.

"You. It was always you" I whisper my reply so low it's almost inaudible. I wanted her to know it was only for her to hear, as if it was my deepest darkest secret. In a way it is. Her eyes softened noticeably, all remnants of fear evaporated like her tears. "Really?" She asks softly, "yes, really" I reply funnily.

Smiles forming on both our faces. She sniffles and brings her hands up to wipe the tears off my cheeks. "I love you, y/n. I know it might ruin the moment, but I really do" she confesses. "You couldn't possibly ruin this moment, especially with that. I love you too, and before you ask. Yes, really" I say funnily making her giggle.

"I want to always see you smile, no matter what. It pains me to see you hurting" I say sadly. "Well you've just made the happiest person ever" she admits. I smile widely and lean forward to kiss her this time. Our lips melding together, moving in a perfect rhythm. I feel like I could kiss these lips for the rest of my life.