A MERRY MAFIA CHRISTMAS (GxG)

XLII

After a nod signaling her to go on, Millicent said, "I wanted to... apologize?"

I could feel my face physically drop, feeling more confused than ever. Am I dreaming?

Millicent's never once apologized for anything.

"Apologize?" I said, repeating the word back to her carefully.

Millicent nodded, almost reluctantly, sighing through her nose. "I haven't been the best sister to you."

I almost laughed. That's a positive way of putting it.

"I guess you could put it that way," I said, knowing that she wasn't quite owning up to her actions, but it was still a start.

Millicent pursed her lips, "Yeah, I just..." she trailed off again, and I couldn't help but analyze her expression. Her brows were furrowed, her eyes lowered, and her face slightly pale. Whatever she's about to say must be hard for her to admit. "When you started at the same high school as me, I was already struggling um..." she trailed off yet again, tucking a piece of her dark hair behind her ear. "I was already struggling with self-image problems, and my uh self-esteem was really low."

I narrowed my eyes, waiting for her to continue her explanation, but also confused as to why she was going this far back.

Millicent shook her head. "And so I thought I'd feel better if um—" her voice grew quiet, almost as if there was something lodged in her throat. "If I picked at you? I don't know, I just wanted someone to feel how I felt—to have the insecurities that I dealt with on a daily basis. It was all just so unfair and incredibly draining."

I couldn't help the tears that suddenly gathered in my eyes. She... what?

Milicent inhaled a sharp breath before saying, "And I did feel better. So much better actually. It's like everything I dealt with got put onto you instead of me. Like the weight was suddenly off my shoulders..." she sighed, shaking her head as if she were disappointed in herself. "It felt so good that I uh... continued to do it, and suddenly it became an everyday thing. It was like this urge—this nagging itch—and it was all to help make the voices in my head go away. To quiet the constant judgment that I always heard."

I felt the warm tears that were once in my eyes, coat my cheeks, and I knew my expression was filled with horror.

I didn't know how to feel. The recent parts of my life have been a constant challenge all because she wanted to be selfish and project her baggage onto me? Baggage that she chose not to deal with?

How is that even fair? God, Armani was right.

Millicent's eyes stayed glued to the shiny marble floors. "I'm really sorry Miracle—I'm so so sorry. I'm a terrible person okay? I know. I just didn't know what else to do—"

"How about not verbally assaulting your sister on a day-to-day basis?" I cut her short, forcing her head to snap up and her dark watery eyes to meet mine. I knew my tone was sharp but how could she? "How about getting help instead of inflicting your pain on your younger sister?"

Millicent shook her head. "I-I didn't know what to do. I was young and once I started, I just couldn't stop—Miracle please, I thought you'd understand."