As It Was *Complete*

25. Unwritten

"For...me?" She squeaked.

Snape nodded. "She wrote it the day she gave you up to take with you. I was under strict instructions to give it to you when you were old enough. Obviously as I only remembered you existed, two years ago, I am only getting the chance to give it to you now."

Astra held the letter like it was the most important thing in the world. To her, it was. The only thing she ever had from her mother. Most girls would probably take their time and cherish it, but Astra was impatient and carefully but quickly opened it and took out the letter to read.

My Darling Astra.
I know that I tell everyone your name was Avery, but Astra was the name your father and I decided on while I was pregnant.

My darling little star, you have no idea the pain it causes me to know that I will not get to witness you blossom and grow with my own eyes. Please do not hate me for the decision I have made but I do believe it is the best one for you and you are my main priority. I knew that if I were to choose you, that we would be penniless. We would have no home and no family. When I got pregnant my own mother wanted nothing to do with me. Being with Severus is not an option because if he knew that I had you to watch over he would fully commit to the Death Eater cause and we would be on our own. I also cannot not keep you, knowing how James feels. I know his stubborn personality and I know that he would grow to resent you. I wouldn't want anyone to have to grow up feeling unwanted or unloved, especially my daughter. So I decided to pass your care over to your father who, although he is flawed, I believe to be a good man. He has a pure heart and a kind soul, even if he himself does not believe so.

Sweetheart you are the one who made me a mother and for that I will be eternally grateful to you. You were conceived in love. I love your father and a part of me always will. Who knows if he had not of turned to the Dark Arts, maybe we would be together and raising you as a family. But I cannot change who he is, however much I want to, just as he cannot change me. But both of your parents, your aunts Teresa and Marlene, and your uncles Remus and Sirius were charmed by you from the minute they knew you existed.

It may sound silly but when I found out I was pregnant with you at eighteen, I should have been terrified. I should have been worried about what people would think or say but I wasn't. I loved you from the very first second and I will continue to love you every second of every day. I was so proud that you chose me as your mother. I knew people were talking about me and judging me but I didn't care because I had you. It was you and me against the world. I was sorry that I had to tell your father that I was carrying his child while in a relationship with someone else and I was sorry that I had to tell James that I was carrying Severus' baby, but you had done nothing wrong and I could never regret the choices I made that brought you into my life.

I have so much to say my little star but I know your father and grandmother are on their way to collect you. They will offer you a good home and a family. They will love you unconditionally and I am sure they will spoil you. This may only be the second day of your life but it is bittersweet to me as I have to say goodbye. How does a mother even begin to say goodbye to their child? How does she hand her little bundle over knowing she will never get to hold her in her arms again?

I do not know how I am going to find the strength to get through this but I will try – for you. Everything I am doing is for you and although I would love to be selfish and keep you with me at all times, I cannot. I cannot deprive you of a loving and happy life, no matter how much it breaks me.

I shall be sending your aunt Marlene, uncle Sirius and of course your uncle Remus (your godfather) to watch over you as well. Your uncle Remus is the kindest man I have ever met and I know he will help guide you on your path. I could never thank him enough for all that he has done for me and all he will do for you. He is a treasure and I adore him as I know you will.