Magdalena

Chapter 41

"I'm sorry." I nodded as I feel Magdalena leaned her head in my side.

We both fell in silence. I couldn't bring myself to talk, more like I am afraid to talk because I may say something wrong or maybe I would hurt her, and I don't want that.

"I'm sorry if I reacted that way...

"I- I don't know what to say or feel, I was very insensitive I'm so sorry-

Magdalena started stuttering, trying to find words after words, she's struggling to speak as if she was not aware of how it should be pronounced.

Not knowing what to do, I welcome her to my arms as I stroke her hair, softly humming as she breathes in and out. I continued to stroke my mate's hair, gently massaging her scalp.

"It's okay, you're safe with me, I will not invalidate whatever reason you have for reacting the way you did, you can tell me, and I promise to never judge the unhealed part of you."

I could feel Magdalena nodding her head as she sniffles. I continued to do what I was doing as the room filled with her silent cries.

I was changing, I could tell that. I am feeling more emotions, I am feeling more... As if I was becoming a human and I know it sounds crazy but that's how I feel. It's starting to feel strange and I'm starting to get confused about everything and no, I will not ask help from my former family. I will start to break the bond I have with them.

"Is your mental state ready to hear some of my not so beautiful childhood story?" I smiled softly at her and wiped the shed tears from her face. Nodding my head as Magdalena deeply inhaled and exhaled, as if she was getting that courage to dig deeper in to the back of her mind, into the dark side of it all.

Magdalena didn't meet my eyes, I can tell she's afraid when there is nothing to be afraid of, but I just let her be. I know once our eyes meet, thousands of unsaid stories would be said.

"I grew up in a poor environment. My papa being the only one who can support me since my older siblings are having their own lives, chasing their dreams ans there was little me who barely know the world. Papa don't know how to handle his emotions, he goes silent when he feels something. I know deep down he blames me for my mother's death and I guess it makes him mad or angry at me at some point but I think he saw me as an orphan, I barely had anything good before, never ate anything something other than canned goods or fish that's going to rot."

Emotions can be felt with every words she says, it was all heavy and I wouldn't mind carrying it all for her.

"We don't talk about our emotions or talk like a normal family, or even like humans. It's like you're in a robot household actually. As a kid I was left to deal with my emotions and I was treated as if I was not there, it was really draining. I was introduced into that kind of... thing. " Magdalena pause to look or check on me, I gave her an encouraging smile as she returned as she holds my cheeks, I leaned on it, loving the way her soft hand feels.

"I am not saying all of this for you to pity or feel sorry about me. I am telling you this because I want you to understand why there's certain circumstances where I am different. I am not perfect, I am not healed but I am trying to get there, to finally let go all of it. At least little by little." The room goes silent again, I was absorbing all the details and it made sense the way she have acted.

Magdalena have no one to depend on growing up, she got it all on her shoulders and what I did was foreign to her and she's not good at dealing with her emotions, she was introduced into silence and I understand if she's finding her voice back, her emotional vocabulary.

"I understand, Love. I really do." I kissed her tears away, her forehead, her eyes, her nose, both cheeks and mouth.

"I'm really sorry. I was overwhelmed, I hope you forgive me." My mate mumbles while looking down, I could only smile at this behavior, she looks so cute.

"You haven't even done anything and I already forgive you." I told her.

"But.. can you promise me something, I know this is big but can we at least try?" Magdalena looked up at me this time, patiently waiting for me to talk, I kiss her lips again.

"Can we promise to always have each other no matter what? Can we promise to slowly understand that we both are no longer alone, that we have each other to lean on now, you can ask me for help, financially, emotionally or physically. Can we promise to slowly heal ourselves?" Magdalena started crying again, this time it was not cries for sadnetbut rather gratefulness.

"You're helping me heal while I'm wounding you." I shook my head at her.

"No, of course not, Magdalena. Being in a relationship doesn't mean we are always happy, it doesn't mean it's always sunshine, there are times that it's like this and it's totally normal, all I want for you to do is communicate with me, if you don't want to talk about it then we won't talk about." My voice got quieter as I talk.

"I promise." Magdalena, finally smiles at me, though her face is full of tears she never fails to be so stunning.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered into her ear as she lets out a laugh.

"Thank you." My mate mumbles. She's not just talking about the compliment.

"Are we good now?" I batted my eyelashes at her as she nodded her head at me, smiling. Though Magdalena's eyes are watery, it just looks like a a crystal clear lake with the sunset on it.

"I love you, Magdalena." I whispered.

"I love you."

We proceeded about our day, packing stuff that needs to be packed, and putting all the gifts that Magdalena choose for her extended family, she put names on it saying they can be very naughty about gifts.

Magdalena talks about he experience in the Philippines as I could only listen, would ask questions every now and then and she'd happily answer all of it. I was having mixed emotions with all of the things she shared actually.

I can't believe some people have the heart to hurt someone like her, I'll kill all of them.

"So like if there was a squatter area and the owner of the land wants to build something there, they just start a fire and burn down all of the houses? That is just mean." I was squinting my eyebrows as Magdalena nodded her head.

"That's what I heard from my grandparents though, we never know." I nodded my head at her as I opened some of her drawers and my bad for opening the drawer where she hid her toy.

Magdalena didn't even budge when she saw her penis like toy fall in the ground. I picked it up, it's bigger than my hands, it's at least 10 inches long and 3 inches wide.

"What do you use this for?" I asked Magdalena and when she saw what's on my hand her eyes filled with shock.

"I used that for pleasure." She casually spoke after being shocked.

"For pleasure? Like for you know." She nodded her head.

"How do you use this?" I fully understand what she was trying to say, she used this toy to pleasure herself. This toy has been inside her and I'd lie if I say I didn't imagine Magdalena wearing this and fucking me with it.

I gave it to Magdalena as she stood up and wear the strap on, smirking at me, she opened one of the drawers and cleaned the toy she was wearing. Her back was facing me so I was not able to see what she was doing.

"What are you doing?" I asked her curiously.

"I'm cleaning it..

"I want to use it on you."