Magdalena

Chapter 21

"They both died in the end." She was close to tears that I literally panicked because making her cry is not what I want but it seems that she's enjoying talking about this book so I just listened. It's also her way of letting it out and here I thought reading a book was relaxing when it really tears you apart over and over again.

We are just talking about this book titled "The song of Achilles"  by Madeline Miller and I can see by Magdalena's action and behavior about this book that it is good and I'm going to read it even though she pretty told me everything that happened about the whole book.

"Why? Why did they have to die." She have a chips in hand as she was talking, munching it while talking dramatically cute.

"But at least they are at the afterlife right?" I questioned her. Thinking of ways how to make her feel a little bit better.

"Yes, of course they did, Achilles requested that he wants their ashes to be mix and they must bury them together and I think that's such a bitter sweet moment. They were waiting for each other you know, it's so heart aching and there's no more chapters."  I chuckled as I hand her a juice and by the look on her face, she's probably sleepy.

She was just leaning on my shoulder with blankets on her and with the soft but erotic music playing in my car and all the stars and moon above our heads, cold air of late night as my mate yawn.

"Do you have class tomorrow?" I asked. Also eating some of the foods I have made for this night.

"Yes, but I already called the dean and said I'm probably ditching tomorrow's class because it's my birthday today." She answered quite, leaning all her weight on me as I feel comforted by her scent.

"Happy birthday, Magdalena." I whispered as I guide her head to my lap so she can have some rest, although I'm reluctant about the action, she just let me do it.

"I feel so safe and comfortable with you around." I have heard her utter that made my insides flutter.

"I'm glad that you feel that way with my presence-

"Why do you have to be my student?" I felt a pang in my chest as I heard the sound of her voice. Full of what ifs, questions and such confusion and I hope to take all away from her but I can't, not in the midst of enemy lurking around and trying to destroy what my family have built.

I didn't say a thing, I blame myself for being such an idiot about my decision, if only I had decided not to be a student it'll be so easy for her but no, I didn't and she's confused and maybe think that's she's out of her mind when she's completely not.

"I feel like the alcohol is really kicking in now, I'm sorry if I do something inappropriate, Carina." I smiled as she whispered those words, nodded my head and just settle at the wordless moment we are having.

I didn't saw her mother at the party and questioning it would feel so personal so I don't know what else to say, I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable with conversation but at the same time I want to know everything about her.

"My mother died giving birth, it was me who she died for and there's no day that I didn't miss her." It feels like she's the vampire in here now as she have spoken what was on my mind.

I am just silent for a while because I thought she was going to say anything else but she just let the silent settled again between us. Her words are probably because of the alcohol but sometimes a drunk person needs to let go of those sober thoughts and thinking that she might not remember anything about this when she's sober I questioned.

"What was her name?"

"Maria."

"I... I actually blame myself about it, you know, why my mother died. I blame myself for it." I shook my head disagreeing with her statement.

"Things happen for a reason." I muttered.

"I always believe that things happen for a reason that's what my family told me too and some of my friends everytime I am drunk enough to say those things out loud. Until now I don't know what or why does it have to happen, why does she have to die?" My lips in thin line trying to control my mouth about the topic. It's like the longest sentence she have spoken to me.

"I miss her. I know I did not see her face personally or remembered how she feels like or the way she sounds like but I am her daughter and we have that connection that I just feel around me that... that's making it hard for me to move on."

"Do you think your mother will be happy if she knows that you're blaming yourself for what happened?" I spoke, I cannot take it any longer, it's not her fault and will never be her fault.

She shook her head as she sits down lazily, her head down and I feel like she's going to cry and I know I'm such a bad vampire for letting it happen but if she can't let go of it, she will not move on.

"You miss her right? Magdalena?" She nodded her head, sniffing silently as she just let the tears fall into the bedsheets.

"When you miss her say her name. Cry it out. Sleep it out. Scream it out. Don't keep it in. For grief is nothing but love. I know everyone has been telling you to keep going but an advice from me... just at least for a minute or two or more stop and feel it and let it all out because when you do it will be okay. Grief is just love with nowhere to go.  I know it takes time but do you want to stay in that dark place? I am a stranger tonight and just tonight so I want to tell you that you're no longer alone, you have me and what I said earlier is the truth. Think of me and I'll be there." I stopped talking when I heard her sobbing and I couldn't take it anymore but pulled her in a tight hug.

Have you ever hugged someone who is so much in pain that when you hug them tight they just start shaking because of the uncontrollable cries? That's our position now, I just let her cry in my chest that I can feel it getting wet with her tears, it breaks me honestly, it's clear that she's been keeping it all inside and when she tries to open up with her people they will just put it aside or ignore it.

It took her a while to finally calm down, she didn't leave my embrace and this just feels so right to the point that I don't want to let go but the luck is not on my side as she finally takes a deep breath and pulled away back to her position, she have leaned her head on my shoulder though.

"Thank you for everything." I smiled at this, although she wasn't looking at me I know her eyes were puffy and red, obviously.

I'm glad and honor right now and right here, although the topic hurts I know she's considering my words with how deep her mind is thinking, I hope that she find peace and I hope to be there for her every step of it.

"I think we should get going now, thank you very much, Carina. I have never felt so understood until now and I'm sorry if I shared that kind of stuff to you all of a sudden, that's why I don't really like drinking alcoholic beverages, but I hope next time that I get drunk I don't talk about it anymore, I'll find peace and thank you again for your help." Finally looking at me, her eyes were still glossy from crying, those sun like eyes of her, I didn't think when I wiped those tears away.

I saw her eyes close as she leaned into my touch, the mate bond getting stronger than before, I just hope that I can control it because as soon as she opened her eyes something lighter in them bloom, something peaceful and I couldn't help but smile.

"Let's go?" I asked her as she nodded her head, taking everything with us and putting it in my car, we drove off, hopefully to a new and better version of ourselves.