Fractured Worlds (Worlds Away #1)

Edoline Chapter 51: Overtaken by Guilt

I got discharged from the infirmary the following day. My feet knew where I was going before I did. They knew which hallways to take, which turns not to follow. They knew the quickest path from the longest, the one with the most people from the one with the least. I had been down here often enough to know the ins and outs of every possible path.

My feet never faltered, not even when I noticed Socorro standing there.

He stood between Donovan's and Zyair's graves, an incense already burning in front of my fiancé's. The youngest Ursett looked well, as well as he could be. His sleeve hung empty at his side, a painful reminder of what had transpired that day. He looked ragged; his eyes were dim, his facial hair had grown out to a stubble—compared to his normal clear shaven face—and his posture was hunched.

Socorro did not look up as I stood beside him. Only when I leaned over to light another incense did he glance at me. We were silent, letting the other pay their respects. I was the first to speak.

"How are your people faring?" I asked.

Socorro let out a heavy sigh. "We'll survive. We lost another one this morning—the guard we first found—but Magda tells me that everyone else will make it. Most of them don't know where they're going to go, but it seems like they are leaning towards joining MEPA. Everyone is pretty shaken up still. The scars are still fresh; they will never fade." His hand moved up to touch his shoulder, the scar that would be a constant reminder of everything that he had lost. He barely touched the stump before wincing at the pain. He let his arm drop back to his side.

"I've had a lot of time to myself these past few days. It's not the best way to pass the time, you tend to overthink everything, play the scenes over and over until they are burned into your eyelids. Every time I look back on that day..." Socorro bit his lip and turned away from the graves. I heard the pain in his voice as he spoke. "Neither of them would be dead if I hadn't been so rash. There is no one to blame but me, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I know that Donovan wouldn't want me to take on that burden, but I can't help it.

"It cost more than my arm. I lost two brothers and hurt so many others. You, Haruto, Cheryl–you all paid the price because of me. I lost my home, and I know that I must be strong for my people, but I'm not sure if I can, not how Donovan or my father were. They always knew what to do, what to say. Their confidence gave me confidence. But now, without them, I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can help my people. I don't know how I can assure them that everything will work out. I'm not a leader, not like them."

I looked at the young Ursett. "You will find your strength, Socorro."

"I'm not so sure," he muttered. There was a moment of silence before Socorro spoke again. "I should have died that day too, and it would have been justice for my actions, but you saved me. I guess I still haven't thanked you for that. I never was able to thank him." Socorro eyes moved to Zyair's grave. Together we watched the smoke curl up into the air, dissipating away. The warm woody smell filled the room.

"You've been here often. Judging by the number of burnt sticks, twice, sometimes three times a day," Socorro said, breaking the silence once again. "You blame yourself. I've known you long enough to know that you wish you had stayed in the palace with Zyair, wish you had been with him until the end. I don't blame you; I would have wanted to do the same thing if Cheryl and I were in that situation. But everything that happened is very far from your fault. Ask anyone, they'll tell you the same thing."

I said nothing. We lapsed into silence once more.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts then." Socorro turned and left, not casting a glance back. I listened to his footsteps as they retreated down the hall and until they were no longer audible. Two new footsteps met my ears as soon as Socorro's were silent. They were in the room in an instant, having hovered by the door during Socorro and I's conversation. I did not care that they had been listening to us, it mattered not.

My brother and best friend stood on either side of me. They did not need to say any words, I knew what they were saying by their actions: they were there for me. If I needed someone, it could be them.

The two vivifica never spoke as we stood there. I did not want them to see my tears, but I could not hold them back any longer. My wall finally broke down, and there was no building it back up. The tears came, and they did not stop.

Boradon raised no question when I leaned into him. His arm pulled me in close, his head resting on top of mine. Siegefried's hand rested on my shoulder, offering his presence to me.

Together, we watched the smoke curl up.