Fractured Worlds (Worlds Away #1)

Edoline Chapter 30: Paying Respects

I knocked on Gryph's door. I only had to wait for two seconds before the vivifica eternal opened it.

"Glad that you could come," Gryph said. He stepped aside and allowed me to enter.

"Helping you with Mirrikhad is one of my priorities," I said.

Mirrikhad, the name Gryph had been gifted when he was born into his third life. It also happened to be the other personality in Gryph's head. As he had told me, when he had regained his previous lives' memories, Mirrikhad's beliefs and ethics were drastically different from Gryph's. Dr. Oleander— the previous leader of the medical unit before Dr. Jelen— had concluded that the split personality was due to the views Mirrikhad believed compared to what Gryph had been believing for his past two lives. That was the late doctor's best guess, though never proven.

Growing up, Gryph never had much control over his own body, as Mirrikhad had been the dominant personality. I was trying to help him gain that control naturally, and ever since he had rejoined MEPA, we had been achieving that.

I took a seat in Gryph's small living room. Gryph took the couch across from me.

"Shall we begin?" I asked.

"Not yet. We need to wait for others."

This was not about Mirrikhad. I knew where this was going. I asked my next question anyway. "Why?"

"Because we need to talk. Together."

A knock echoed. "It's open," Gryph called, turning around to face the door. Two men walked in: Siegefried and my brother, Boradon.

Boradon and I were anything but twins, two lifetimes of different heritage had seen to that. The only thing that was similar about us now was our interests and history. He had a bigger build than me and a darker skin tone. I used to be taller than my brother—even if only by an inch—but he now towered over me. His dark, dreadlock hair was tied back, revealing his sharp face shape. Despite the resurrections that changed him, the look in his eyes and infectious smile remained. The latter was not there today.
I rose to my feet as soon as I saw my team enter. "I am not doing this," I said. This was about Zyair.

"Edoline, please, sit." Gryph said, looking up at me.

"And what if I do not want to?"

"Do you?" Siegefried finished latching the door, his eyes now on me.

I looked him dead in the face as I answered, "no." I moved to the door.

Boradon stepped into my path. "Edoline, we just want to help you." I heard the rustle of fabric as Gryph rose from the couch. I did not turn to look at him.

"I do not need help. I am fine." I shouldered past him. I did not need to talk to others about it. I did not need anyone's help. I prepared myself for the possibility of losing those I cared for, as everyone in MEPA had.

"No, you're not." Boradon stood strong in front of me. His hand snapped out and grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving. "I wouldn't be able to call myself your brother if I couldn't recognize this look. I've seen it before; hidden rage tangled with grief."

"That is not what this is," I said.

"You had this look on for weeks after our home world was conquered. I would recognize it in a heartbeat, no matter how many lives have passed."

"I am fine," I repeated, twisting my arm from Boradon's grasp. Why could they not let me work this out on my own?

"Edoline, I've been exactly where you are now. I know what it feels like to lose someone, permanently. This is not the short grief that vivifica feels, not the ten years wait. This is infinite, it doesn't leave, trust me." Siegefried's single good eye looked at me intently, asking me to open up to them.

But this was not their burden to bear.

"I know that. I knew that as soon as I joined; I would lose people, and I promised myself that I would live with it. And I am." I brushed past the two men. My hand was on the doorknob before they could stop me. I heard Siegefried step closer to stop me, but halt in his advance.

"Gryph, the director wants you to send two high level security agents to the medical unit. We have a meeting in under an hour," I said, only turning as I spoke those words.

"I'll be there," Gryph nodded his head. He knew that there would be no getting me to talk if I did not want to. Good, I was not going to stay here any longer than I had to.

I thrust the door open and burst out, more frustration in my step then I expected. I barely managed to evade Raymond in the doorway. I was not truly listening as the leader of the maintenance unit directed an apology towards me. I was already down the hall.

"We are here," Boradon called after me. "For when you're ready." The three vivifica remained there, letting me leave. I was grateful for that.

"Edoline, wait up." Rapid footsteps followed Raymond's words. I ignored him; he was there for the same reason as everyone else. Why else would he be waiting at the door?

The elderly man arrived at my side. "Are you okay? You look like you're mad." After a second of silence, Raymond shook his head. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Can you stop walking? For two seconds?"

The plea in his voice was enough for me to finally stop and look at him. I could see the thanks, but also the sorrow. I noticed the letters in his hand. The top envelope had my name written on it in the misshapen letters that could only belong to Zyair.

Letters from the dead to their loved ones were only passed out after the 24-hour mark of their time of death. Had that much time passed since I had lost Zyair?

Raymond let out a sigh. "I hate passing these out," he said, looking down at the envelopes. Raymond let out another sigh, then handed me Zyair's letter. "I'm sorry," was all that he said. He continued walking, more letters in hand. The elderly man paused, looking back at me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but chose not to. He left me alone in the hallway, holding the last gift that my fiancé would ever give me.

My name, so perfectly written in Zyair's hand, was smooth under my thumb. I flipped the envelope over, my breath hitching in my throat, catching as my heart quickened. My fingers strayed to the wax seal.

No, I would not do this to myself, not before a meeting. I would not show up weeping over death like a fool. I was stronger than this.

Hastily, I pocketed the letter and continued on my way.

I made my way towards the meeting room, the crowd in the main room parting for me. I ignored the looks given to me, the sadness in them. My head stayed high, and I pretended that I did not notice them.

The room was dark when I entered, and I instantly recognized that I was not where I wanted to be, just where my mind knew I should be. My feet brought me to where I belonged.

His grave was polished. Incense still burned in the bowl, their soft smoke lingering in the room and filling it with the nag champa smell. There was no body below the marble plate. No one had returned to collect it. The director had deemed it too dangerous to return to an eternal controlled world.

The burial ritual had been done the same as the vivifica's. Zyair had never known his people's culture, so he had adopted my people's. I was grateful that some of us still cared about upholding traditions, even as mournful as this.

I kneeled at the marker, bowing my head and placing my hands together.

"I promised you that I would not fall back in that hole," I muttered. "But it is harder with you gone. It seems that everyone is leaving for the life after death.

"We vivifica do not understand death, not as others do, and that is what makes it harder to cope with." My soft breathy words echoed in the silent room, with only the dead to listen to them. "I would promise you that I will move forward, and continue as I am, but I can not. That is one promise that I do not know if I can keep. Losing you, it hurts more than anything, and I do not know if I can continue as I am. I am truly sorry."

I remained in my position, letting my message to Zyair play in my head. With one final prayer that his soul had an easy passing, I rose and left the room. The smoke still lingered. From now on, every night when I went to meditate and light the woody smell of nag champa, I knew that I would forever be reminded of him.