CHAPTER 8

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PORCHAY

I miss being in his arms so much. It feels like it's been years since the last time I felt his hug, even though it's only been months. We were crying for so long then after crying so much, I got really tired so we moved to the bed. We were hugging, crammed together on my single size bed. We can put together mine and Macau's bed but I guess cramming together like this is better, I can hear his heartbeat and feel his breath that make me feel warm and safe. But still we have a lot to talk about.

"P'Kim..."

"Mmmm..."

"Why did you say you didn't love?" I ask the question I've been wanted to ask for months

"I never say I didn't love you"

I lift my head and look at him with a frown "but you say..."

"I said I'm sorry, because at that time I don't feel it's right for me to be with you"

"Why?"

"Because I'm not strong enough to protect you"

"What do you mean by that?"

"When you got kidnapped, I was there"

"I know, you told me you tried to chase them but they got away"

"I lied" he started caressing my hair gently something I missed too

"Then did you fight them?"

"Yes"

'There's so many of them"

He smiled "I am a son from the main family, remember, we learn how to fight since toddler, and I've fought far more people than them, I never lose, but that day..."

"You lose?"

He didn't answer for a few second but I can feel his breath become heavier "I never felt so weak and helpless like that before, seeing you being taken away from me and I can't do anything to stop it"

I can feel his hug become tighter like he was afraid I'll get away from him again.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"How can I?" He said "When I'm with you, I want to be the gentle musician you loved and admire, I don't want you to know the real me"

"But I told you already, I love every side of you, the musician you, the third son of the main family you"

He kissed my forehead when I said that and smiled happily.

"When we first met at the university's open house event, I think I like you already, this cute high schooler who remember every cats in my music videos"

We both giggling remembering that moment

"But then I found out you are Porsche's brother and I admit at that time I approach you because I want to know more about Porsche"

"And..."

"And... I fell in love... with every single thing you do, your smile, your giggle, your laugh, your little jump every time you get excited, your singing, everything"

I smiled "I really am a very charming person, am I?"

He laugh when I say that "Yes you are"

"It must be so hard to not admit your admiration and love to me"

"It is" he said "Loving you make me feel the feeling that I never felt before, the feeling that I can't control and make me do things that not in my rational thinking, it scares me"

"Are you still scared now?"

"I still am, but not being with you is a lot scarier than anything in the world"

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