Marissa Riva is the Italian mafia princess. She has been missing since she was 4. Kidnapped by her own mother.
The Riva family was mentally destroyed after her disappearance.
Then the father was gone too.
Leaving the six brothers with no hope, bro...
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I was trying to breathe but I can't. Leo is hugging me but I can't. I push him away, I remove the things that are attached to my hand. I hear voices but I don't understand what they are saying.
I just watched myself being raped.
This is too much. This is why I don't sleep. I can't sleep. I will never sleep again. I go to the balcony and I have this urge to just jump, not to die, I don't want to die, it's to feel free.
Free of everything. Free of myself. Free of my mind. Free of the voices. Free of the world. Just free.
I get a cigarette out of my bra not caring that my brothers are literally behind me and looking at me right now. I can't find my lighter. I search my bra even more and I can't find it.
As I was gonna turn around and ask my brothers for one. The lighter falls on the ground from under my shirt. I pick it up and light my cigarette.
I take a drag and blow the smoke, for a second it felt like I was blowing my problems.
That's what I do. I blow my problems then transform them into blood by cutting myself.
I take a second drag, third, fourth. I am breathing again.
But it's not enough. I take another cigarette and smoke it.
Finally I gained back some control. Not really but at least I am breathing.
I sit down on the floor and sigh closing my eyes. "I just had the worst nightmare of my entire life. The absolute worse."
I pull out another cigarette and light it, take a drag. "It was like I was in my memory. I was watching myself. And I couldn't do a thing. I was watching myself being... abused and I couldn't do a thing. I yelled for her- for Marissa to just shoot his head. She didn't hear me because she was me from the past. I watched it all. All that happened to me, it was live in front of me."
Matteo sat next to me on the floor, took my cigarette, took a drag and gave it back to me. Sandro sat in front of us.
"You know... I am past what happened to me but is my mind gonna keep reminding me of it? Like can't I just forget it? Because it's getting tiring. I am getting tired and I want a tattoo." I said as I threw my cigarette out of the balcony. I hope it doesn't fall on someone's hair and they get on fire and die. Let's hope it falls peacefully on the ground.
"Oh well that was... I don't know what that was. You were talking about something then you were talking about something else that isn't related at all." Sandro said confused.
I get up and stretch. "Honestly Sandro, my life is too fucked up so I need to stop being dramatic."
I don't think anyone in this world has the same mood swings I have. My mood swings are too much.
I know I am not being dramatic. That nightmare was fucking traumatising and I am traumatised but I am tired of crying in front of my brothers and I am done showing weakness.
