102 - m.h

// 17. then because she goes //

i got up again, my body was not letting me sleep, i looked again on the clock and it was already midnight.

i looked outside to see if gabby was there, waiting for me. but to my disappointment, she was not there, so i decided i'll go to her and see if she's still up, — she was probably still awake.

i made my way outside their house and called her name, "gabby!" i called out her window, not yelling but loud enough for her to hear me.

i attempted again, but it was like the ninth time i was calling her but no answer was heard or received. was she already asleep? that's a miracle, gabby sleeping early.

so i guess i'll have to head back and not spend my midnight with her for today.

i went inside my room with disappointment on my face, and lied down the bed. waiting for my eyes to get heavier and close itself shut.

it's odd that she didn't showed up, — especially not telling me before hand before i went there — she hasn't done it before. if she was gonna have to pass our night tradition, she would text me immediately to inform me.

but right now, she didn't, and i understand if she forgot or she already fell asleep.

i'm just sad 'm not goin' to see her before i go and sleep.

i went downstairs and straight to the kitchen to drink some milk, hoping it'll make me drift to dreamland. i got a carton of milk and poured it on the glass, and immediately consuming it right after, i do this whenever i can't fall asleep — which means i do this often —.

i can't seem to fall deeply asleep these nights, i've been feeling quite different, uneasy, and anxious about something. i have no idea what's going to happen or what's happening, all i know is i'm scared of it.

was something bad gonna happen?

gabby have been feeling gloomy these days — or seems like it. but she never really talked about it, and i didn't want to push her on that, 'm gonna wait until she's the one who'll initiate to open the topic.

and i am gonna give her time, if she wants a lot of time, i'll give that to her.

i went straight to the couch and lied down there, making myself comfortable and looked straight up the ceiling and my mind went blank for a brief second.

i suddenly felt a feeling of regret, was it because i didn't confessed what i felt? i was not ready to risk what we created, a simple confession can break or make us.

and i don't know what will happen, i wished i could see the future, and we what comes for us.

was she gonna end up with me if i was just a little braver? or was she gonna end up with george — my bestfriend.

i broke the golden rule of all friendships — don't fall for your bestfriend —, i can't help it, who wouldn't fall for someone like her? she's amazing.

i decided that once i see her, maybe tomorrow, or next day, next week or maybe who knows when she'll show up, i will tell her everything, i will be honest on what i feel about her.

i will confess.

i was now determined to get her, to tell her.

i wish there will be no hindrance, i slowly closed my eyes and little did i know, i already fell asleep on the couch.

i woke up early in the morning, it was already four, i squinted my eyes and sat up, stretching my arms while yawning.

i got up and went to the bathroom on the hall, i opened the knob to be met with my reflection in the bathroom mirror.