102 - m.h

// 20. hunt // bed //

"matty i'm gonna head out now okay? you already know what to do" mum said, grabbing her bag and heading towards the door, "yeah mum, be safe, i love you" i replied and jogged towards her and gave her a soft kiss on the cheeks.

"i love you too sweetheart, gotta go now. call the boys if you feel alone" she said and waves goodbye, heading inside her car and driving away from the neighborhood.

i was alone, again.

i went to the kitchen and ate the leftover waffle i made earlier for breakfast, what date was it today? i opened my phone and looked at the date, oh it was already late september, 1 more month till christmas approach.

and it's been four years since gabby left, there was not a single day that i wasn't thinking of her — and missing her. she's runs through my mind over and over, back and forth, not getting tired of it.

every night, i dream of gabby for i know what reason, i was missing her too much — maybe way too much.

i knew i became too attached, like my heart was tied to a string that was also attached to her. not cutting any bits of it.

the knot in the strings that were tied to my hands was definitely so tight, that i can't seem to let go.

i was starting to get better, well i may have been better, but not fully. i was now letting happiness indulgently enter my life, sadness was getting supplanted with joy, little by little.

me and the boys played — still as a band — frequently, we performed mostly at our university which was really fun for us.

we actually finished university just last month, me and ross did music technology at salford, whilst george and adam studies biochemistry at manchester university, they were a pretty good students, and after that me and george went to work in a call centre while living with some chinese people which was great but did that for a while and eventually left, then continued on with the band.

well in conclusion, we were alright — not too smart, just okay — students but all we ever wanted was to do this, create music and art with each other.

just some lads who pursued music after finishing school.

the band was doing great, we were putting our music on the internet, people were enjoying it, they were liking the things we were making and putting out there.

which was so cool, some days we get messages of people expressing how much they love our craft and us — it was very sweet.

it makes us proud of what we do.

then our band have been signed to an independent record label, just last year through a gig that we played at, and now we were plotting our debut album.

we were told to start working on our debut album next year, and we are excited for it.

adam can ross can't seem to shut up about it and to add, also me and george can't shut our mouths about it, that's how happy we were about it. my mum's been so proud of everything i do but this made her more proud, she was the one pushing me to do what i wanted.

i headed back to my room and launched myself on the bed, pondering about things, of what my future could be like.

it was nerve wracking to think that we'll be having our debut soon, will people like it? 'm sure some of them will definitely do.

and the next nerve wracking thing about it was, once we go big, gabby would see us, would know us — again. and maybe it would lead my way to her again, maybe.

i shifted my position from one to another, finding a nice one to settle in.

once i was appeased of my current position, i slowly closed my eyes and immediately fell asleep.

it was already two in the afternoon when i woke up, and decided to head outside to take a walk.

as i was passing by 102, a smile suddenly appeared on my lips. i was thinking of her for a short second and went on my way to the town centre, they were many people, some were walking out of the stores.

i crossed the pedestrian and went to the other side of the road, walking my way and looking around to watch how people were spending their time.

and mostly, were focused on their mobiles.

scrolling through social media i suppose, i walked inside a clothing shop and was immediately greeted by the owner, "welcome gentleman!" i looked at him and smiled as a response and walked towards the rack of clothes.

and carefully looked through, to see if there was something worth purchasing — which i didn't find any — but after looking through the other racks, i found nothing that i wanted to buy and take home, so i thanked the owner for his assistance and headed out the store.

and walked through the crowds of people, some were bumping into my shoulder, which i know was not on purpose since loads of them were rushing, probably to go somewhere.

i went inside a coffee shop and ordered a café americano and a single bagel, then headed out, walking my way home and planning to enjoy it there without the presence of like loads of people inside the coffee shop.

once i reached home, i quickly went and sat on the couch and began enjoying the two goods i bought from the town centre.

i turned on the tv and enjoyed some random comedy show i stumbled upon, which made me laugh my fucking ass off that i almost choked on my bagel.

i coughed and quickly took a gulp of the americano, pushing the piece of bagel that was lounging on my throat.

"fuckin' hell" i mumbled and took one more gulp then laughed at the sight in front of me.

the man on the tv fell off a chair, his bum hitting the ground, what a stupid twat.

after spending two hours watching some random things on the tv, my eyelids eventually got heavier and heavier, i was trying to fight it but gave in after trying so hard not to close my eyes.

the darkness was slowly eating me, pulling me in.

then every single memory i had of her appeared in front of me, seems to hunt me, especially when i'm in the middle of the dark, drifting off to dreamland, where i experience such impossible things that i wish were true and not just a memory that i will eventually forget when i open my eyes.

was i thinking too much of her that my minds still replays every image of her in my head?