Forever Yours

| E I G H T E E N |

I'm such a bitch.

===

Many people get help. Or try to show it. I can't.

Fred's going to leave me. He shouldn't have to handle with this. It's my problem that is easy to get over. It's been going on for a month and nothing is wrong.

I apologized that night for snapping at him, blaming it on my period. And I tried making myself feel better around others. I went back to work and hung out with others and ate and I was fine, except for I wasn't. But it's fine. It's no big deal.

I managed my makeup, and gave Fred mind blowing birthday sex in my opinion. So everything was fine there. Oh! And I picked out a wedding dress! So that's great!

I'm fine

===

I thought breaking down, screaming at Ryan in an alley way would make things better. But it didn't.

I learned silencing charms, they're the best for crying. Or running the shower and not actually going it in.

"Fuck." I hissed, tears going down my cheeks. Blood was sitting on top of arm and I rubbed it off, under hot water, then getting makeup to cover up the marks.

I looked up at myself in the mirror and saw the running mascara, then grabbed a cloth and fixed my makeup.

I took a step back and got a wave of dizziness. How much blood am I losing? Not a lot. It's fine.

I leaned back against the wall and groaned, closing my eyes and tilting sideways. "Shit." I pushed back up. I'm fine.

I turned off the shower and waited a few seconds, then walked out. "Hi princess. How was your shower?" Fred said from his spot on the couch. Fuck I love him.

So goddamn much.

I went over to him and sat down on his lap. "Good then?" He chuckled softly. "Hey, what wrong?"

I leaned back. "I think I need help." I whispered.

His smile dropped when I said that and I regretted saying it so quick. Why did I say that? Oh god! Why did I say that?!

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Never mind actually. It's nothing." That wasn't going to get me out of anything. I know that.

"Brooklyn."

"Please don't be mad. And I'm sorry." My voice shivered and I mentally groaned.

He looked at me, then grabbed my arm and pulled my sleeve up and rubbing at it a little. I winced, and winced again when he looked down arm my arm. Red, and scratched up.

"I don't even realize when I do it. Really, I swear." I said quickly. He pulled me back against his chest and hugged me tightly. "It just tempts me and I don't know why."

"Bee," he said, "please stop lying please."

"Ryan and Jesse attacked me." I said after a minute. Fred didn't say anything. I bit down on my lower lip to stop myself from crying. He's mad. At me.

"Bee stop." I was scratching at my fucking arm again.

"I'm sorry. I really am." I sobbed, "they've been doing it for weeks, and I just wanted to handle it on my own. But I can't anymore. It's just getting to my head. And I can't sleep. And I'm being a bitch to you and it's not fair. But you shouldn't have to handle this because it's- not fair to you. Because you would just want a normal relationship  and I just make everything complicated and we've already gone through this and it was so stupid."