I Always Come Back for You Volume 2

Chapter 23. When Things Go South

*

 I wake up to find Dae Sung, in his boxers sitting on the edge of the bed, pensive and stiff. 

"Good morning Mr. Grumpy" I mumble languidly. 

He has his back to me, his hair fallen to cover his face. I reach to touch his wide back. 

" You ok?" 

He doesn't turn to me 

"I can't take this. I can't" 

He mutters, scrubbing his face with his palms frustrated. I stroke his back trying to figure out his eyes. 

" Thanatophobia! It's the kind of phobia that I'm struggling with. I'm trying here, I am! Believe me. Nam Il! But it's suffocating me to be there and not be able to do a damn thing while someone close to me is suffering. I never had this strong fear after my mom. This is too raw and too painful for me to take." 

" I understand." I swallow. 

His head jerks up "No you don't! You haven't lived with this choking constant fear. You haven't lost someone like this to know how that feels" 

His harsh words land on me like a whip 

"I know what you're doing. You are saying mean things to upset me so I hate you and it would make it easier for you to leave me?" 

I say in a small voice knowing he is drifting from me. 

" These are just a few scratches. Aren't you overreacting?" I reason.

He stands up abruptly. "Overreacting? Nam Il. You have cancer! You can't afford to get sick or bleed your gut in an alley. I called that shithead Joon Woo and he told me someone followed you outside your company because of your work." 

" What am I supposed to do? Stay home and eat air? Listen, I know dealing with someone with cancer is not easy but you have to be honest with me if you can't tolerate this." 

" Is breakup your solution for everything?" He asks edgy.

I sit up pain shooting through my body, I wince

" What do you want me to do? I don't want you to suffer" 

He lets out a sharp breath. 

" I don't know. Let's eat something. I will visit my psychologist this afternoon to fix this." 

He leaves me woozy. I have to take a shower, not that he offers but I would appreciate it if he could accompany me. With wobbly legs, I stagger to the bathroom. I wash up hastily and come out with a throbbing pound in my chest, feeling like the air has been knocked out of my lungs. Is it normal to experience dyspnea because of cracked ribs? I slide behind the kitchen table squirmy in my seat registering the throbbing in my chest. He serves the food in silence. A knife can't cut the tension in his movements. I wish I knew a way to take away his restlessness. 

" Dae Sung!"

"Not now!" 

He shoves his food in his mouth expressionless. The silence drags on. 

"Why did you let the window open? Your hair is wet you will catch a cold" 

"It's hot. I'm suffocating." 

He jolts searching my face

"It's 16 degrees. It's not that hot"

 I snort

"Relax. I'm not having a fever" 

Before I finish my words, he bounces forward horrified cupping my face