Summary: Just read
By: Thesimpleartofwriting.tumblr.com
----------------------------
Zayn knows what started it. He knows exactly why he’d had a bitch fit just before a performance at some festival where they were only supposed to perform three or four songs before they had the rest of the week off.
Really, he’s tired and frustrated and maybe this isn’t the time or place to be yelling obscenities at people, but they’re screaming right back at him, calling him names and what a fucking coward he is.
Mostly it’s between him and Louis because while the other male may have his moments of bashfulness, when he’s just as angry he’s a hurricane that shreds things apart when he needs to.
And maybe that’s what Zayn needs to hear. He needs to know exactly what they think of him, how he’s not as important as the others in the band, how he’s holding them back from a lot of different things because of the way that people tend to treat him because of his ethnics and their remarks that should be considered bullshit in the eyes of those that could understand that nothing of race or beliefs or looking different should be a problem from accomplishing so much in life, but those words have drilled a hole so far deep in Zayn after the past two years of the bands life and he’s had enough.
It began with a comment from some interviewer backstage and directly after Zayn immediately asked the band if they believed him, believed the person who had discredited Zayn and brushed him to the side in favor of the other lads. And while they’d denied it, looked at him in utter disbelief because how in the world could a boy with a voice like him ever think of such unpleasant things about himself, it still made him feel low.
But now, Zayn can’t keep it in and maybe this should be considered a mental breakdown on his part because one thing leads to another and pretty soon insults are flying left and right, things that should never leave the mouth of a person who is considered a friend.
“If you really had a problem, you should’ve said something,” Harry comments. His tone is hard but he isn’t yelling because this, more than anything, is upsetting him. He, along with Niall, does not like altercations. It’s against their very nature because of how carefree they are, and it causes a physical anguish to manifest itself within their being because there’s really no point in fighting as loudly as they are.
Zayn snorts, “Right, because all of you would understand.”
“And how would you know? You never bother to talk to anyone, especially lately,” Louis remarks this time around.
Zayn feels ganged up on. He’s standing on one side of the room while the rest of the boys are on the other.
“Because we’re too busy hearing you two going at it,” Zayn retorts, waving his hand at both Harry and Louis. “Because that’s what this is about now. Harry and Louis. Louis and Harry.”
“Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking twat and actually had the backbone to say what you wanted instead of shying away from it, then you’d be a little happier.”
This isn’t about the interview anymore. This isn’t about Zayn being the odd one out. It’s completely changed course, and he blinks because while he started this segment of the argument, he can’t have this go here now. It’s turning into something much more personal than that, about Zayn and his feelings and while no one has directly stated anything yet, there’s the potential aspect of it doing so.
“Don’t,” he warns.
Louis gives a sardonic smile, “Don’t what, Zayn?”
His face turns hard, jaw clenching in pure anger. Zayn’s fists curl and he can feel tears of frustration building up.
“Fucking admit it already.”
And Zayn considers this a low blow because they don’t need to be discussing this, and Louis’ completely turned the conversation around on him and he’s sure everyone knows what Louis is talking about - Liam being slightly blind to Zayn’s unintended advances as of late, though it doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand the underlying subtext that Zayn’s presenting him, more so the fact that he knows but thinks it’s out of innocence.
Towards the beginning, his actions had always been unintentional. His subconscious thoughts about Liam had always brought out a closeness between the two, and Zayn’s come to realize, and has always known, that Liam wouldn’t ever feel the same. He realizes too that it’s got a lot to do with him not being what Liam’s after, and he’d accepted that a long time ago, thought he’d accepted it, but how hard is it to spend an inconsiderable amount of time with a boy he’s got feelings for?
And Louis is throwing that in his face.
“If you’ve really got this much of an issue, then maybe you need to leave and figure yourself out,” Louis comments, and maybe it’s a bit too malicious but there’s so much testosterone in the air and before Zayn can defend himself and before anyone else can speak, someone who works for the festival pops into their tent and informs them that he’ll be leading them to the stage now.
Louis is the first to leave followed by Harry and Niall who don’t give him any more attention. He’s then left with Liam, alone, and Zayn wants him to leave too so that Zayn can gather himself back into decency before going onstage to sing to a crowd of people who don’t really know everything that goes on behind the scenes, like what has just taken place prior to a performance that’s initially supposed to be filled with fun and love between band members that are technically not supposed to have any form of problems between them.
“Zayn.”
He doesn’t look at Liam; he doesn’t move his gaze from the ground and he’s trying his best to make his posture very clear that Liam needs to leave now before Zayn says something he’ll regret. And although it’s not really Liam’s fault, it is, and it’s Zayn’s too because while this is only because of how Zayn feels about himself, this is also turned into secrets that never should’ve been spoken aloud.
“What was he talking about?” Liam tries again although he makes no move towards Zayn because how can he when there’s still unresolved tension in the air made clear by the look that Zayn is giving the ground beneath is feet.
Zayn shakes his head and continues to stand there until Liam finally gets the hint and exits the area. As soon as he’s gone, he closes his eyes and regrets ever saying anything because this is why he doesn’t speak. They don’t understand Zayn’s thought process no matter how much they’ve gotten to know him.
He doesn’t need to think anymore because for one, he needs to leave the tent in order to find the stage now that he’s been left behind and two, he knows what he needs to do now; it’s clear as day, and he’s only saddened that it’s taken him this long to realize it.
x.x.x.x
Zayn’s only got one thing on his mind as if this moment and the rain that is cascading down around him will not stop him from doing what he needs to do.
He grabs one of his bags that are sitting next to the front door before opening it and running to his car. He’s completely drenched in rain in less than a minute, but Zayn open’s the boot of his car, stuffing the bag into it. There’s a quick decision on his part to leave it open and although the interior might get soaked, there’s only one bag left he needs to run inside and get before he’ll lock the door and leave for good.
As of this moment, he’s got no idea where he wants to go. It’s possible he’ll make a trip home later within the week but Zayn’s got a lot on his mind, a massive amount of thoughts that he needs to release off of his chest through a drive into nowhere and the smell of cigarette smoke clouding his vision.
This time he walks back to the front of the house, not bothering to run, feeling how his clothes are gripping his body despite the fact that they were tight enough to begin with. It’s uncomfortable and something he normally wouldn’t be able to put up with for too long but his need to run outweighs the irritating aspects that would do him in otherwise.
When he’s back inside the house, Zayn grabs the last bag by its strap, slinging it over his shoulder before taking his keys and sticking them in the lock of the front door. He checks to make sure it’s secure, twisting the handle and pushing to make sure the door won’t budge, and by the time he’s satisfied he makes his way to his car again.
He shoves the last bag into the trunk of the car before slamming the door shut and making his way over to the driver’s side. Just as he’s about to pull it open and climb inside his name is being called and Zayn closes his eyes and prays that it’s not who he thinks it is.
Opening his eyes, Zayn notices his reflection in the window and just to his left, there’s another one.
“What do you want, Liam?”
He’s got to speak up in order to be heard over the sound of the rain and as he does so, it’s like the rain falls slightly harder, matching his emotions because of what he feels.
“Haven’t heard from you in almost two days, Zayn. I’ve been worried.”
Zayn turns around, letting his arm drop away from opening the car door.
“Well, as you can see, I’m fine now.” His tone is pointed and final and when he makes a move to grip the handle of the car in order to escape the rain, a hand reaches out past him, resting against the frame of the vehicle so that Zayn can’t open it.
“Please don’t leave.” Liam’s voice is close to a whisper, almost, but not quite. It carries with a sense of longing, a plea for Zayn just to listen to him for once. But it only causes the fire in his veins to grow.
“You don’t get to do this,” Zayn says, jaw clenching together because this doesn’t need to be happening right now.
“But I’m going to regardless,” Liam informs him, because he’s dead serious and there’s an emotion written on his face that Zayn knows all too well; it’s one he pulls when he’s set and something big will take place until everything is worked out. Liam doesn’t believe in leaving things unsaid, and this time is no different.
“Fuck you, Liam.” He turns around to face the other boy and when Liam’s satisfied that Zayn won’t try and leave, he drops his hand from the window.
“You know this isn’t just about me. This is about you and keeping everything to yourself. We’re all here to listen, Zayn, but you choose not to say anything at all.”
Zayn scoffs, “If I told you anything, you wouldn’t understand. This is a lot deeper than just hurt feelings, and I’m sorry I’ve got to be a little too sensitive about it, but I guess that’s just another thing I’ve screwed up with.”
“Have you really tried, Zayn? The point of being in a band is not only for us to sing together but have four other people to have our backs when things get a little too rough.”
“Do they know you’re out here?” Zayn rebuttals ignoring Liam’s logic on all of this because he only wants to leave, to escape, not be stuck out here in the pouring rain where the boy he likes tries to preach to him about what he needs to do.
“Yes, well, I told them I’d talk to you first before they did because I’m pretty sure they’re still upset; worried, but upset.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Look, they’re agitated about what you said, but they’re not pissed enough to hate you and they realize, we all realize that things need to be done differently between us. I don’t think we’ve sat down for quite awhile and just… talked.”
“So if that’s your suggestion, then why are you out here alone?”
“This anger didn’t just come out of nowhere, did it?” Liam asks.
“What are you talking about?” Zayn counter-questions because while he may have a faint idea as to where Liam is going with this, he wants to make sure before he blurts anything unnecessary out.
Liam gives him a knowing look but responds anyway. “All of you think I’m blind to it, to you, but I’m not. I’ve had feelings for people before Zayn, so I know how that goes. But it’s nothing like this,” He waves his hand in some sporadic motion that Zayn thinks it’s supposed to mean something between them. “It’s nothing like what you give me and make me feel, and I’m telling you now, it scares me.”
Zayn swallows and his hearing fades out until all he can make out is the steady beat of rain on the surfaces of the objects around him, the way it hits the car and the way he can feel each drop land on his skin.
“Liam,” he starts, and he throws a hand up in front of him, a physical defense mechanism so Liam will know he’s not just taking this lightly. He takes a step backwards too, in order to process what he’s hearing but as he moves, his back comes in contact with his car.
He’s trapped.
He can’t move, and he’s forced to stand here in front of Liam, face these sudden rush of emotions and while yes, this is more than a dream come true for him, to have Liam actually admit that his feelings are mutual, not just unrequited, Zayn feels too much bubbling up in his chest. And he tries to keep the watering in his eyes in check regardless of the fact that even if they did fall, they’d only mix with the rain that has completely dampened his entire body.
“Now?” Zayn asks. His throat is scratchy and he can’t bring himself to look at Liam, the very boy he’s had feelings for since the beginning.
“I’m sorry, but two days, Zayn! You didn’t answer anyone’s calls, not even mine, and I wasn’t sure what was happening, and now it looks like you’re leaving and you can’t do that to us, to the band, to the fans,” Liam tries to take a step forward, but Zayn’s hand comes to rest against his chest, forcing him to stop.
“To me,” he adds, “Zayn, you can’t leave me.”
He sounds slightly desperate; a wild look in his eyes glaze over his brown orbs and he looks so lost, and none of this is fair, Zayn knows, the way Liam is able to pull and tug at his heart strings like this, to tell him now after all this time.
“Liam, you’re a bastard.” Zayn’s fingers curl into the material of Liam’s shirt, which is more than a little soaked. He grips the material so tightly, twisting it up into his fist before pulling as hard as he can, forcing Liam forward so he can connect their lips.
They’re wet, Zayn realizes, but not from licking. No, it’s the taste of rain and Liam, how he smells and feels like a heaven he’s been dreaming of for so long now, one where it’s helped him sleep at night and relieved the tension in his bones when touching himself on lonely nights.
Liam only pulls back then for a quick second. “We going to do this?”
Zayn doesn’t respond with words, instead he bites at Liam’s lower lip and gives a growl of approval before pulling Liam back in for another chaste, rain-slicked kiss.
“Zayn, inside,” Liam manages to say, but Zayn knows the front door of his house is locked, and he’s already hard enough as it is and there’s no time. There’s a possibility that Liam may back out of this because Zayn knows how big of a chance this is, how big of a risk Zayn is for Liam, and he wants this to be worth it, so very worth it for the both of them.
Zayn forces himself away from Liam, turning abruptly to his car, opening one of the doors that will let them into the middle seats so he can climb in. He beckons Liam to follow him, watching as the other boy continues to stand outside in the rain until his brain catches up with what’s happening.
The other boy is in the car within seconds.
The inside isn’t that big and while their limbs are tangled together in a mess of groping and clawing at one another’s wet clothes, they manage to shuck them off quickly enough. Goosebumps cover their skin as it makes contact with the air around them. The car isn’t turned on and it sits in the same temperature as what’s outside, one of rain and chilliness because of the water and lack of warmth from the sun.
Zayn straddles Liam, scoots in close to him so that their skin is against one another, feeling how cold each other’s flesh is all the while warming each other up.
Liam tilts forward slightly, with his hands on either side of Zayn’s hips, holding him in place as he leans forward and licks at one of Zayn’s nipples. It’s cold to the touch, but as his mouth envelopes the bud, his tongue swirling over it, it hardens even further until Zayn is letting out a soft moan, bringing a hand up in order to tangle his fingers in Liam’s damp hair. And as soon as he’s getting used to the feeling of Liam’s actions, he quickly lets up, moving over to Zayn’s other nipple in order to give it the same treatment.
He tries his best not to move, but his fingers curl slightly, gripping the roots of Liam’s hair until Liam moves his mouth up to Zayn’s neck with warm kisses, traveling over the expanse of tan skin until they’re just ghosting over Zayn’s lips.
Liam can see the darkness in Zayn’s eyes, the way he’s silently asking this to be real and not some inside joke he’s decided to play, and although Zayn is very well aware that although Liam has a playful side, he wouldn’t ever put someone’s feelings on the line like he is now; there’s still that insecurity there that Zayn won’t get to have this again, that this’ll be the only time he’s pressed against Liam, feeling him as close as two people can be.
The fact that they’re in a car doesn’t help his thoughts either regardless of the fact that this is a bit of a turn on.
He’s hard and he can feel that Liam is as well because both of their members are pressed up against their bellies and any time someone moves just slightly there’s a bit of friction there that sends a jolt of pleasure throughout each of their veins.
Zayn reacts first, pushing himself forward so he’s not only that much closer, but so that his lips are connecting with Liam’s in something chaste and finally a movement that is palpable, definitely not something of a distant memory revolved around his dreams.
He pushes with his tongue, forcing Liam’s mouth open until he’s exploring deeper and tasting, and it only causes Liam’s hands to grip Zayn’s hips that much tighter, rubbing the flesh as Zayn sits on his thighs.
There’s still a chill in the air, but it’s quickly warming up. Some of the windows have already been smoothed over with a fog as things get more heated and just as Liam pulls back from Zayn to take in some much needed air, Zayn is right back where he was, his lips on Liam’s, not willing to give him up just yet.
Liam, on the other hand, goes with it. He removes one of his hands from Zayn’s side and brings it down in between their bodies. His hand circles around both of their members, gripping them as much as he can, and he moves his hips up just slightly, enough so that they rub against one another.
It causes Zayn to let go of Liam’s face, to rest his forehead against Liam’s shoulder and knit his brows together at the sudden amount of pleasure he feels. And just when he gets used to it, Liam slows his movements and presses a kiss against Zayn’s exposed neck.
“Move,” Liam breathes, and Zayn does. He ruts his hips forward so that their lengths rub against one another. His body goes slack except for his hip movements, and it’s then that he feels one of Liam’s arms reaching around, resting just against the juncture where leg meets hip until it make its way down slightly further, kneading the flesh of his arse.
“Why?” Zayn whispers against Liam’s neck, in between lingering kisses he presses against the flushed skin. He can’t get enough of Liam, the way he’s so close to him, working his body just so that he can feel their dicks slide together, wet drops of precum bubbling out of their heads and mixing in with the sweat that is beginning to build on their bodies from the heat they’ve managed to create.
“Hmm,” Liam hums in response, because he’s not paying much attention. He’s too busy concentrating on keeping his hand on Zayn’s ass while the other continues to work around both of their cocks, keeping them together while Zayn thrusts his hips forward. His thumb works its way over the top of Zayn’s prick, working at the slit, smearing the pre-come which only causes Zayn to let out a whimper.
Their movements only get sloppier the longer they go, and Liam can feel the beginning of that heat, that spark building in his lower stomach. He’s sure Zayn’s almost there too and just before anything can happen, he removes his hands from Zayn completely, grabbing onto the other boys sides before twisting his body over so that Zayn is now lying horizontal on the car seat with Liam resting just on top of him.
The seat is cold against Zayn’s back but it only adds a thrill until suddenly Liam is distracting him with his lips against his skin while his hips grind into Zayn’s, rubbing their lengths together until the buildup is making itself known.
“I’m almost there, Liam,” Zayn whispers as he moves his hands across Liam’s back.
They don’t bother touching themselves other than that, too focused on the way they feel on each other and with one more push of Liam’s hips, Zayn’s cuming, covering his stomach with white liquid, his face completely blissed out in the feeling that’s taken a hold of him.
Liam watches the entire thing, the way the other boy’s face curves into the pleasure he feels and it ultimately causes Liam’s own release; his cum spilling across their bellies, mixing in with Zayn’s until they’re both a mess of sweat and contentment.
They don’t move for what seems like a long while, but then Zayn gets uncomfortable and pushes at Liam’s shoulder so he can sit up. He grabs his shirt, the one that had been laying on the floorboards discarded, the very one that has left a soaking mess too, in order for him to wipe off the mess on his stomach before it dries completely.
“I can’t believe we just did that,” Liam says suddenly, and when Zayn lets the wet shirt drop back down to the floor of the car, he turns his attention on Liam.
“I should probably ask if you regret it, but I don’t think I’d want your answer.”
Liam turns his head and moves his arm so he can grab Zayn’s wrist, running his fingers over the skin there until he moves up and intertwines them Zayn’s. His thumb moves over the back of Zayn’s hand too in order to bring a sense of comfort between them.
“Then I think you’ll be surprised to hear that I’d like to do that again sometime.”
Zayn blinks in thought before a growing smirk takes his face. “Kinky,” he breathes out a laugh.
Liam’s eyes narrow just the slightest bit, looking far more serious than necessary at a time like this but Zayn feels the blaze from them instead of anger, and it only adds fuel to fire when Liam replies with just as much desire as he’d hoped he’d have.
“You’ve no idea.”
And then he leans into Zayn for quick kiss on the lips, and that’s really all Zayn needs to know, that everything will be okay. He’ll apologize for his behavior in hopes that the rest of his band mates will forgive him, and that after all of that, he’ll have a wonderful opportunity making up for lost time with Liam in ways that are only making him hard all over again.
