Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Forty-five

Chapter Forty-five

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"Sorry I couldn't make it, I'm a bit behind at work with moving and everything," Ashton apologised as he sat down in front of Stella, at their usual table in their usual cafe.

"It's fine," she dismissed, reaching into her bag and pulling out the scan photo. She handed it to Ashton. He slipped off his coat and took the small picture in his hand and stared at in in amazement. He traced the lines of a small body. He smiled and asked, "How big?"

"About the size of an aubergine!" she laughed. Every time they had a scan or hit a milestone they liked to compare it some weird fruit or vegetable. It helped Ashton comprehend it all.

"I hope it's not purple!" Ashton joked, handing the picture back.

Stella pushed his hand away. "Keep it, I got two! You can look at it when you want then. And you can show Luke, how is he?" she asked. She didn't mind that the blonde man permeated their conversations. She cared for him and she wanted their relationship to flourish. If they were all friends then it would make raising a child a lot easier. "Actually I saw him the other day in town. Even though he's tall he's still tiny. But that's the way he presents himself, he doesn't want to be seen."

Ashton took a moment to reflect on her words, placing the scan photo in his jacket pocket. There was a lot to take in. He'd never heard her talk as much. But he assumed it was because they hadn't seen each other in a week. He'd moved out a week ago. And he'd only messaged telling her he couldn't come for the scan would be able to make it for a coffee after. He could tell Stella was excited, and perhaps even happy. "He's getting there," Ashton concluded.

Stella was unsatisfied with his blunt answer. "You're not fighting, are you? It'll get easier, you're both adapting that's all."

He shook his head then sighed. He wanted something to play with, a coffee cup. He had yet to order. "Sometimes I wish I'd never seen him again and other times I wished I never left him."

"He said the exact same thing. I think I have as well. But life seems to have a plan for us Ashton. It's all locking into place now. Just a couple more hurdles and we'll all be fine!"

Ashton laughed and shook his head. "How can life plan to do that to him. He was messed up before Aaron, but now—" His eyes were tearing up. "I really love him Stella but every time I look at him I just get so angry."

Stella sensed his frustration, she reached over and squeezed his hands. "It'll just take time. Patience is key. Maybe you should talk to him about how you're feeling, and maybe go to therapy together. You've been through a lot as well."

Ashton squeezed her hand back and smiled. "Luke realised how much this hurts me too. We haven't talked about it but the understanding is there now. I have thought about talking to someone, but I wouldn't want to tell him— and I wouldn't want him to think I was weak—"

Stella couldn't help but laugh. "He needs to know you're weak too Ashton. That's the problem. He thinks every other male on this planet is some emotionless being because that's how you all try and present yourself. You've cried in front of me many times. Why should it be different for him?"

Ashton turned and looked over at the counter. "Will you be there with me?"

Stella hesitated. "You should tell him when you're alone. This is between you and him—"

"He likes you. He gets along really well with you— If I call him now, we could talk. We live just around—"

"Ashton I—" Stella stopped when she saw a familiar figure walking by. Suddenly she wondered if Ashton planned this. Or if it was just fate. She let go of his hand and stood up. Ashton watched her confused. He was too overwhelmed by all his emotions to see what was going on external to himself. She quickly rushed outside of the cafe, where the sky was forcing drops of rain onto the street and started talking to someone.

She returned, slightly damp, with Luke. Ashton's eyes widened in fear and he quickly tried to wipe the tears away. Stella led Luke over to their table. "I'll get you both a drink," she said, shaking her head as she left.

Luke stood awkwardly at the table, his hand resting on the chair, wondering if he should sit. He was just going on a walk, to get some fresh air. He hadn't expected this. He looked over at his boyfriend who was staring at the floor, hiding his face. "Ashton," he said quietly, reaching out and touching his shoulder. "What's wrong? Stella said you needed to talk to me?"

Ashton looked up, his eyes were red with fresh tears. Luke pulled out the chair quietly and sat down. Luke tried to think of reasons why he was so upset. He remembered why Ashton was here, it was about the scan. Was the baby, okay, but Stella seemed fine? "How is the baby?" he asked.

Ashton chuckled and smiled, reaching into his pocket and handing Luke the scan. "The size of an aubergine," he repeated. "We could stick it on the fridge—"

Luke scrunched up his face. "I don't like stuff on the fridge, we could frame it and put it somewhere else?"

Ashton shook his head and continued to grin. "I'm crying Luke and you still won't let me clutter the flat! What will it take?" Luke laughed and leaned over to kiss Ashton. Ashton liked it when Luke did that. He had begun to do it a lot more the past week and it made him feel loved — like Luke actually wanted to do it. He wasn't forcing him.

"I love you," Luke reminded him, placing the photo on the table and taking Ashton's hand.

Stella returned before Ashton could reply and she handed them her drinks. "I'm pretty sure there's a sign on the window saying no heavy petting," she reminded them, the pair sitting very close together. She wondered if it were odd for an ex not to be jealous but encourage the new love.

Luke blushed and stared down at her tea. It made his heart warm that someone knew his usual order. "This wasn't what I had planned for today," Luke said, looking between the pair. "But it's nice to have a change isn't it?"

"You hate to change Luke," Ashton reminded him, rolling his eyes at Luke's attempt to seem comfortable with being here.

"People can change Ashton—"

"They can," Ashton agreed. Stella sat back in her chair, her coffee in her hand, watching them. Although she had brought Luke in here the situation had unfolded perfectly. Ashton was at his most vulnerable he couldn't hide it. Ashton took a deep breath, clutching Luke's hand firmly. "Would you still love me Luke if I changed?"

"Changed?" Luke questioned.

Ashton bit his lip. "If I wasn't as strong as you thought I was. If I told you that sometimes I hurt too, just like you."

Luke looked over at Stella confused. She simply smiled. He looked at his boyfriend and tried to figure out what was going on. "I know you're not superhuman. Neither are you, Aaron." Luke knew he could mention the name, finally being outside of the house. "I'd expect nothing less. It's why I love you."

It was Ashton's turn to look at Stella now, she nodded at him. Prompting the conversation on. "I don't want to burden you with my troubles Luke, not at the moment. But I want to talk to someone."

"Okay," Luke agreed. "But I'd like to hear about how you're feeling as well if you'd like to tell me. I'd like to help you to Ashton. It's all about balance, right? I think that's what we got wrong before."

"Before as in ten years ago, or literally two days ago?"

"Both," Luke confirmed. "We can do this Ashton. We can't let it fail like before. I've waited ten years to be with you again and I want it to work—"

Ashton nodded eagerly. "It will. I won't give up. If we have to take breaks, we'll take breaks. But we won't lose each other, I promise."

-

I have not proof-read this so I apologise for any mistakes! 

I have finished my second year of uni which is crazy. At the end of last year I really wanted to drop out with everything that was going in my life. This year hasn't been much easier but so much good has come out it - like developing a writing style and finding what I love within literature. My grandad promised me that he would see me graduate when he was diagnosed with cancer but things didn't plan out with Covid but whenever I wanted to give up I thought about how proud he would be!

How is everyone doing?

Thank you so much for reading!