Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Thirty-two

Chapter Thirty-two

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Luke grinned as he pushed open the door, exposing him to a view of Ashton slouched on his bed staring at his phone. A phone that he had moments ago sent a message from telling him he was alone.

Throwing his phone down Ashton grinned back. "Come here! Fuck I've missed you!" Excitedly Luke jumped onto the bed and threw himself onto Ashton's chest, squeezing the older man tightly. "You don't know how hard it is not to touch you!" he mumbled into Luke's freshly washed hair. His nose tingled from the strong coconut scent — Stella had provided him with the same shampoo she used.

"I've missed your touch," Luke hummed in agreement, lifting his head up and staring at the older man in awe. Ashton smiled with glistening eyes. He had missed Luke's voice. He'd been here for days and they had barely talked. He'd find Luke eating breakfast with Stella in the morning, he'd eat alone at night, and for the remainder of the day, he was hidden somewhere with a book. "I kept waiting for you to reach over and take my hand at the table every morning. I could see your eyes lingering on mine—"

"I love holding your hand," Ashton beamed. "It means so much to me. It's when I feel most intimate with you, most connected. It makes us one." Luke cherished the words and climbed further up Ashton's body so he was lingering above his lips. Ashton reached up and kissed them, Luke pressed back. Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke's waist and pulled him down so their bodies were touching, Luke let all his weight rest on him. Ashton groaned, continuing to explore's Luke's mouth.

When Luke finally pulled away he rested his chin on Ashton's chest and smiled till his cheeks hurt. Ashton reached out and ran his hand through Luke's damp hair and hummed in satisfaction. "This feels so real Luke—" he trailed off, closing his eyes and taking in the presence of the man on top of him.

"Real?" Luke queried. He felt his heart speed up a little, worried about how he had acted towards Ashton before. Had he been hollow?

"Yeah. Real," Ashton breathed out heavily. "You're so much more present. You're here. I can actually grasp you, hold you. You're here mentally and physically now."

Luke lifted his head and watched Ashton's face carefully. He understood what Ashton was saying, but he could sense the ambiguity involved. Luke took a deep breath and stated simply. "You mean I've gained weight—"

"Sure. You're heavier. But it makes this so much easier. We can have a normal and healthy relationship. I don't have to worry about how tiny you are. You understand that right? It's not a criticism—"

Luke sighed and shook his head. He had measured out his own porridge today and realised that Stella had been giving him smaller portions. He was thankful because now after eating the slightly burnt portion he had made his stomach ached.

Ashton had the morning off and had told Luke they'd spend it together doing whatever they wanted. Luke just wanted to cuddle and talk. They couldn't do that with Stella around, they'd reveal too much. So every time they talked with her around it seemed mechanic. Ashton would ask how Luke was and how his day had been. Luke would say fine and fine.

But here he was now. Laying with Ashton and letting all his emotions flow out of him. He felt tired and heavy. He struggled to sleep knowing Ashton was just seconds away with someone else. He wondered what Aaron was doing if what he said had been right. That he was going to go mad here and kill himself because there was a love he was forbidden to have. And he was eating chaotically. He ate the porridge in the morning and some days he would continue the routine and other times find himself fixated on his body and unable to eat anything else. "I'm still struggling Ashton."