Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

-

"No coffee?" Ashton asked as he placed his umbrella against the chair and sat down with relief. He was running late and had skipped the train, instead choosing to run through the centre of London to ensure he met his fiance in time for their weekly coffee date. This time Stella sat with a pot of tea in front of her.

"No I thought I better cut down," she muttered, watching Ashton carefully. She saw how relaxed he was to be sitting in a public space where he had no responsibility. He wasn't at work and he wasn't at home. It was what they cherished about these meetings.

"Cut down?" Ashton asked shocked, sitting back in his chair and running his hands through his hair. "Whatever for? You're not a secret addict, are you?"Ashton was joking, but he knew it wasn't a joking matter. He just needed humour after the intense week of emotions he had felt.

Stella shook her head and couldn't wait any longer. She couldn't wait for Ashton to order his coffee. He should have been her fifteen minutes ago and she had the whole situation planned. But, plans were always ideas that failed to be actualised. Life could not be planned, Stella had learnt that the hard way, not just from her inconsistent fiance. "Ashton, I'm pregnant."

It took a moment for the words to resonate with him. The tone of the conversation had so quickly changed and he was only just gauging that she was being serious. "No!"

"Yes," she confirmed. Her heart was thumping heavily, swallowing all the noise inside the cafe and using it as a force to only make her more nervous.

"How? When? Stella when?"

"Ashton you know when. It's the only when possible!"

"Oh, but didn't I— I thought I—" he tried.

"No Ashton," Stella said, shaking her head firmly. "You didn't. You were too in your head to realise."

"And you didn't think to tell me after?" Ashton asked, sitting forward on his chair and shaking his head. Hands clasped together. He still failed to meet his fiance's eyes.

"I just hoped and thought if my hoping didn't work then it was meant to be," Stella stated simply. Saying it like that made her think it was cruel. Like she was plotting something against him. But, it wasn't her mistake. They were both to blame for different things. She was responsible for taking the pill, and he using the condom. She had played her part, and they both knew the pill wasn't the most effective mode of contraception.

A silence passed."So—"

"So what?" she replied. She knew he was thinking through the options. She didn't see any options. There was only one option.

"We're going to have a child?" The words felt foreign on his lips. He hadn't expected to say them for a couple more years. He had expected to ask the question with excitement, joy. He had hoped his heart would have skipped a beat at nurturing an existence into something great. But, he suddenly felt tired.

"I think so," Stella concluded.

"You want it?" Ashton checked. He knew this was unplanned and they had been so careful before. They had never expected a situation like this.

"I think now is a good time for us, Ashton. I'm ready Ashton," she said confidently. She didn't feel ready. She was terrified of carrying something inside of her and trying to keep it alive. But she knew that it was better now than later. She was getting older, her fertility was decreasing. It was as it was meant to be. A bit of stability.

"Okay," he nodded, finally looking up at her. Revealing all of his fear. "I just wish you told me that night. It's like you were keeping a secret from me—"

Stella inclined her head understandingly. She reached over and held his hand. "I know. I was just hoping that maybe it wasn't the right time for anything to be conceived. But, I think it'll be good for us Ashton."

"I suppose," Ashton said a little less certainly. "I was not expecting this today. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so upset."

Stella shook her head. "You're allowed to be upset. I know it's not growing in your body and you could just get up and leave. But you now have the information and it's bound to upset you."

"I wouldn't leave you— I couldn't leave you alone with a baby. I'm not cruel Stella!"

"I know you're not. You've made that point enough recently! But I know there are easier and better lives you could be living. But, this one seems to be the one made for us, don't you think? Don't you think it might be a sign?"

-

And there it is. 

I'm happy with how this turned out although it is a little short.

I also managed to get these done on top of the essays and stupid amount of reading I have. Admittedly I did write the next chapter during a seminar, but in my defence, it was a little boring!

How is everyone doing? What are plans for February, if lockdown permits them where you live!

Thank you so much for all your love and support.