Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-two

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Placing his keys quietly on the table next to their flat door, Aaron slowly walked towards their office where he usually found his boyfriend. But today his chair was vacant. The desk seemed untouched. Nothing looked like it had moved, and even though Luke always put things back into its place, there was always a new book or a different arrangement of the few pens in the pen pot. Or sometimes a ring of tea printed onto the wooden surface.

Closing the door, Aaron twisted his body and entered the living area. The room was yet again dark and felt vacant as if only a ghost had walked the floors. Aaron's found his cereal bowl on the coffee table, a bowl Luke usually washed up after he rushed off to work.

Aaron took a deep breath and loosened the tie around his neck. He had left his boyfriend in bed that morning. He had been tossing and turning all night and seemed in great discomfort. He began to worry that he never made it out of bed.

Hesitantly he made his way to their bedroom. Through the crack of the door, he could see the faint glow of a lamp and the musty smell of someone who hadn't washed. "Luke?" he called out, pushing the door open.

The younger man was curled up in a ball on top of the covers. His eyes were open but he was staring blankly out of the window that was tightly closed. Aaron always left it open for air and refresh the room; Luke had at least got up to close it. "Have you got up today?" From the door, he heard Luke's head move against the sheets but couldn't tell if he was shaking or nodding his head. He didn't need an answer though.

Sitting on the bed, his shoes still on Aaron slipped an arm under Luke's body and lifted it into a sitting position. Luke's head dropped sideways onto his shoulder. He quickly pulled Luke's jumper down, to keep him warm and avoid looking at his stomach

Aaron sighed and hugged the younger man tightly. "Oh, Luke what have you done to yourself." Luke's eyelids opened for a moment and closed again to see the expression on Aaron's face. To see if there was anger. But it just seemed like upset and hurt. "Have you eaten anything today?"

Luke shook his head and whispered. "I was waiting for you."

"You shouldn't have. Come on, let's get you something—"

"I did it because I love you. And I trust you."

Aaron shook his head. "That's what you're telling yourself. I never asked you to do this. It's all in your head."

Luke began to shake his head frantically. "But, you wanted me to do this. I did this for you."

"You're out of control Luke. Let me get you help, or let me help you—"

"But you have been. Why do we need to change things? This is what I want and I thought you wanted it."

"Luke I wanted you to look after yourself. But you converted your lack of care towards your body to too much care. I would never hurt you like this."

"But you hit me, you hit—"

"Luke, are you hallucinating? Do I need to take you to the hospital? You know I'd never hurt you. Maybe it was someone else, a past relationship. I have been nothing but kind and patient to you. I keep telling you you've lost too much weight but you won't listen."

Luke began to tremble in Aaron's arms from confusion. "I don't understand—" he muttered. "I don't understand what's happening."

Aaron placed a hand on Luke's forehead which was covered in beads of sweat. He sighed and kissed the top of Luke's head nervously. "I think I need to get you help. Let someone help you for a couple of days and then I promise you will be together again. We can't let anyone separate us."

"Help? I just want your help. I just want to lie here forever—"

"If you lie here for much longer Luke you'll be dead. I'm willing to take you to the hospital so they can look after you for a couple of days but you have to remember this is your fault. You can't blame me. Promise me you won't blame me? You're weak and hallucinating, that is all," Aaron concluded with a shaky breath. He knew this could make or break their relationship. But it was a risk he knew he had to take if he didn't want his boyfriend's death on his hands.

-

I haven't gone back and re-read this because I have a lecture in a couple of minutes but I hope there aren't any blatantly obvious errors!

Everyone loved Little Women when i mentioned it in my last update which was so cool! I finished the other day and I had watched the Gerwig film beforehand, and it's unusual for me to say this but I actually preferred the film! I gave the book 4 stars and there was so much value in it, but I think the film has more of a drive. An Laurie has more substance, he sort of just appears in the novel when necessary.

I also read a book about Race and Belonging, also for uni, called Shame on Me by Tessa McWatt. It was insightful and beautifully written. It doesn't talk about racism like most other books but rather how to find a sense of belonging when you have a multitude of different heritage and the power language can have on this. I didn't see anyone recommend it last year and I think it's worth a read if you are confused about your ethnic identity or want to learn more about race. 

Thank you so much for reading.