Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter Twenty-nine

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It had been a month. Aaron visited and the moment after he had left, Luke called Ashton and begged him to come. Ashton didn't want to be Luke's escape. He left that to books, a new book he brought the blonde every time he came, alongside new flowers. Aaron still brought nothing. But every time they met, Aaron could sense he'd lost a part of the blonde and Ashton felt he had witnessed a part of an independent man return.

Daniel sat opposite Luke once again. Luke was used to this new routine and he quite liked it. He felt safe here. There was a realm for Ashton to exist. A realm for Aaron. And a realm for his thoughts to be explored.

"I want to talk about Ashton today. That's his name, right? The other man that visits?"

Luke nodded slowly. They had not talked about Ashton before. It was a secret Luke didn't want to tell anyone about. "He's a friend."

"A friend? He visits more than your boyfriend Luke and you seem more at ease with him."

Luke looked down at his lap and played with his fingers. "You won't tell, will you?"

"Tell what?" the man asked.

"About Ashton and I?"

"So you're together? I've never told Aaron about the visits and I wouldn't because it's not just a friendship. It's a big secret your keeping Luke? Does anyone else know?"

Luke shook his head. "There's no one else to tell."

"And you love them both? Ashton and Aaron?"

"It's more complicated than that," Luke explained.

"I'm here to listen," Daniel assured, sitting back in his chair.

Luke sighed and turned to look out the window. Out there he imagined Ashton at work right now helping someone. Aaron doing the same. Both men could help him in different ways. But he'd always turned to Ashton for help. He knew Ashton couldn't and wouldn't help him — not in that way anyway. Ashton only wanted to love him. Aaron wanted to help and love — he wanted to be an ever-present boyfriend.

"Ashton understands me. He always has. We met at uni. He was my first love," Luke reflected.

"Why did you break up?" Daniel questioned, assuming that was what happened and Luke had not entered a relationship with Aaron whilst secretly still being with Ashton.

"He wanted to protect me. I was a bit like I was now— whatever this is. He knew that I couldn't be with him whilst I was like that. That I'd use him as a lifeline."

"And you don't do that now? Because from what I understand, you don't want to use Aaron as a lifeline?"

Luke closed his eyes for a moment and let his heart steady. "Ashton won't let me. He's stronger now as well. I guess I'm with Ashton because he makes me feel loved. I feel at ease when I'm with him. There are no burdens."

"Okay. And would you leave Aaron for him? Is that your main aim of the relationship? Or is it a simple affair?" Daniel asked. He could tell by the way Luke talked about Ashton there was love. He always spoke with such hesitation about Aaron, like there was something he didn't want to reveal. But Ashton was the person he was having an affair with. That should be what he was hiding.

"I'd like to be with him," Luke confirmed. "But—"

"But?" Daniel pressed. He knew this part of the sentence would be about Aaron. The hard part. Luke didn't answer, his eyes dancing around the room, trying to find courage hidden in a corner to say the words. His eyes finally settled on Daniel, it was like he was begging for him to answer. Daniel didn't like that. They were not his words to say. But he couldn't seem them coming out of the blonde's mouth anytime soon. Finally, Daniel answered for him. "But you're trapped? Is that what you want to say?"

His eyes glistening, Luke nodded. Through a whisper, he agreed. "I'm trapped."

Daniel sighed. He looked at his patient for a moment, looking at the frail man sat in front of him. Stripped of all dignity. Stripped of any physical strength. "Do you think now Luke, you could tell me why you stopped eating?"

Luke gulped. His mind spinning. He'd known for so long. The images of Aaron telling him what he could and could not eat. What he felt when Aaron told him he needed to lose weight. But clouding all of that were Aaron's remarks that he was crazy. He was making things up. And he trusted him. "He told me to."

Daniel knew that was all he would get of the young man for now. It would take time for the story to unravel, but that time was available to him if he chooses to stay here. "You understand what you're saying Luke, the implications this has?" Looking up, Luke nodded. "And when you leave here, you could be left without a home? Would Ashton be someone you could live with?"

Luke thought of Ashton's first visit and nodded again. "Ashton said I could live with him."

"Okay, and you understand what will happen to Aaron?"

Luke shook his head as he let the words sink in, then nodded. "Nothing will happen."

"Sorry?" Daniel frowned, sitting forward in his seat. He saw sudden confidence in the blonde, or something possesses him. It was like he had a plan.

"Nothing will happen to Aaron. I don't want to press charges or anything. I just want to be with Ashton. Like a breakup. That's all."

"Right," Daniel said hesitantly. "And do you not see a problem with that? That Aaron can still find you?"

"I don't want him to get into trouble. This is my fault just as much as his. Maybe there is help for him?" Luke suggested.

"Maybe—" Daniel sighed and stood up, turning to look out the window. He knew that this was deeper than he thought it was. That the emotional abuse his patient had suffered was deeply ingrained into all of his actions. Eating and control was just the top layer. Finally, he concluded, "We have more time Luke. There is time for us to talk through options and explore this more. Let's not plan too far ahead yet. Maybe it would be valuable for us both to talk this through with Ashton soon, how does that sound?"

Luke thought about the older man sat at home with Stella. His arm around her, but someone else on his mind. Ashton had explained that to Luke. They both understood the dynamics in their relationship had shifted. Ashton was just waiting for Luke whilst supporting her. Luke agreed, "He'd like that."

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Re-reading this through I realised this is literally all dialogue! I'm sorry, I just like writing dialogue!

I have one more week of uni left before break - I say break but I still have essays to write and exams to revise for so not really - but I'm excited to do things I actually want to do!

Thank you so much for reading.