Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Twenty-seven

Chapter Twenty-seven

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"Why did they want to talk to you alone?" Luke asked when Aaron finally sat down beside him in the small canteen. His boyfriend had arrived half an hour ago and Luke had stood up to meet him, but instead, he went off his with therapist. Luke felt uneasy as he sat back down and tried to run over all the possible conversation they were having — it only made him more anxious.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Aaron admitted. I wanted them to be honest without them upsetting you. They said you're doing well Luke. Do you think you'll be ready to come home soon?"

Luke shrugged and looked down. He suddenly felt weak and a thousand times smaller in a room with his boyfriend. "I'd like to stay a little longer, just to be safe—". It had only been two weeks and Luke didn't understand why Aaron wanted to rush things. He thought he'd understand how long these processes take.

Aaron groaned and tipped his head back, gripping onto the arms of the chair.. "Luke, are you trying to leave me? Is that what this is about? I'm willing to drop everything to help you and I don't understand why you'd rather be here than with me?"

"Of course not! But you know I like to be alone, it gives me time to think. We've lived together from almost the moment we met and I just want to figure out who I am again—" Luke shot back with a defence he didn't know he had inside of him.

"But you're my boyfriend Luke. I am part of your identity and you are mine. You're better off at home with me," the older man continued to plead. Luke had never seen Aaron so desperate. He began to wonder how he was coping with the separation. Luke began to wonder if he was being selfish.

"I don't think I would have been— I'm seeing things differently now Aaron." His voice was quieter now, more hesitantly

"What things?" Aaron asked cautiously, suddenly alert.

"I don't know. I think maybe our relationship was a bit unhealthy. We were together all the time and you know how much I admire you and everything I was doing was for you—"

Aaron cut him off. "That's what relationships are about Luke. If you love me—"

"But I can love you without giving you all of me. I can still be free. You don't always need to have access to my body and mind; other relationships don't."

Aaron let the room fill with silence before he sighed heavily and took both of Luke's hands. "You're right Luke. Normal relationships are not like that. But you're not exactly normal Luke. I need to know what you're thinking because otherwise, you're going to hurt yourself. Maybe I could give you some more room, but you need to realise how vulnerable you are."

Luke blinked quickly trying to figure out what was right. He was certain the conclusion he had come to recently was — but Aaron's sounded so convincing. His mind went back to the first conversation he had with Daniel. Luke couldn't respond to what Aaron had just said, he needed time to think. He always did his best when he had time to work through words and situations. So instead he asked one of his pre-planned questions. "When did you know I had an eating disorder? I don't think I ever explicitly told you — how did you know?"

"You can just tell sometimes Luke. It's a professional thing I guess. You can see it in the way people interact with their surroundings," Ashton said, staring at the corner of his room like he was battling something in his mind.

"Did you know when you first saw me, in the nightclub?"

Aaron shook his head. "No... I had suspicions after our first date, but I wanted you to tell me because it's your story."

Luke nodded and let go of Aaron's hands, sitting back in his chair. "Did it not worry you, going into a relationship with someone like me with your job?"

"No—"

Luke was beginning to dominate the conversation and felt a surge of control go through his body. "Did you want to be with someone like me? Was that why you were there?"

"What? What are you suggesting?" Aaron muttered, standing up and moving away from the younger man. He wished they were having this conversation in their flat. If they were still in their flat this conversation may not have even arisen.

"I don't know. Do you not think it's weird that we somehow found each other; a therapist and patient—" "You're not my patient Luke—"

"But you want me to be."

"I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to love and care for you like a lover and it just so happens I have expertise in the matter. What nonsense have they been putting in your head? You're so easy to manipulate, you'd so easily sign up to some fascist regime!"

Luke began to cry. His body shaking. The power he felt just moments ago had hidden his emotions but now they had broken through. Was there power in emotions? This was the first time he had cried here. Aaron quickly hugged him. "Luke, what's wrong?"

"I just don't know what to believe. Everyone's telling me different things."

"What do you think, that's what matters? Are you going to trust some strangers or someone you've been with for two years who knows you best? I'd never lie to you Luke, when have I ever lied to you?"

Luke thought for a moment and whispered, "Never." Aaron had never lied to him. Sometimes he kept things private, but he always told Luke when he'd done something that could compromise their relationship — like when he slept with another woman. Luke was upset but he was glad Aaron respected him enough to tell him the truth.

Aaron took Luke's chin with his index finger and gently kissed his lips. "Come home Luke," he said softly.

Luke faintly nodded. "Soon."

-

I did warn you the other day I get a bit carried away with dashes! But they're so wonderful!

How is everyone? Tell me something interesting about yourself?!

I've just finished reading Kazuo Ishiguro's new book Klara and the Sun. It was so beautifully written and so nice to see a sort of robot story where they're not evil and do have emotions. It did seem like there was something major missing from the book though even if I did really enjoy it! Never Let Me Go still remains my favourite and was the book that got me back into reading like a year ago.

Thank you so much for reading.