Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

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"Good boy," Aaron smiled, rubbing Luke's back softly. "And the rest."

Luke smiled grimly. Slowly bringing the fork back up to his mouth with more food on it.

Following his return from Ashton's office, Luke had fallen into Aaron's arms and burst into tears. He was overwhelmed with emotions. He was confused about what he wanted. Overcome with a paranoia that Aaron knew what had happened. That he would be able to taste Ashton's lips on his own when he kissed him.

Luke had never wanted to cheat. He didn't think it was something in his nature. During the train journey home, he kept thinking about how maybe it wasn't cheating. Ashton had kissed him, he had not really kissed back. And a kiss in comparison to the intimate act of touching someone's hand or having sex was nothing really. He knew that Aaron had kissed a lot of other men whilst he was drunk, Aaron had told him it was normal. That Luke should allow it.

Somehow Luke thought it wasn't normal for him. He knew he wasn't normal and he certainly wasn't drunk — those excuses were off the table.

So sitting in Aaron's arms tearful, Luke had lied to him. Or told him a different truth, keeping the other secret at bay.

After he finally stopped lamenting and his breath had settled into a steady rhythm, one that would not betray him, Luke confessed, "I can't eat!"

Aaron nodded knowingly and ran his fingers through his hair to calm him. "I know Luke. I know. What do you want to do?" he asked intrigued. He didn't know what provoked this sudden confession. Despite yearning for his boyfriend to purge all his emotions onto him, Aaron knew better than the next person that a person suffering like Luke would keep them bottled up until he reached a breaking point.

Luke shrugged. He didn't really want Aaron to do anything. Luke was content just going with the flow of his emotions. But he knew if he wanted to keep Ashton a secret — a secret that only made his body tremble more — Luke thought he had to find something more painful to distract him. "I guess I want you to help me. Like you help everyone else."

"You're my boyfriend Luke. It could be dangerous. But if it's what you want?" Finally, he had Luke begging him for help as he wanted, but he wasn't sure it was a legitimate cry.

Inclining his head to gesture his consent, Luke rested his head onto Aaron's chest, using the beating of his heart to stable his own. "Make me something to eat like you used to. I think that might help. Normality always helps."

So Luke ended up sitting with a small bowl of rice and a little side of korma at their fold up kitchen table. Aaron by his side, watching every single move. It was easier asking for the food, than eating it. Luke had to wait for it to be cooked and in that time he had conjured up the idea that he didn't really want to eat anything. He was just trying to make sure Aaron was deceived and fooled, making him only feel sicker.

Aaron grins at him, as he placed another forkful of rice into his mouth. He hadn't seen his boyfriend consume this much in weeks and it was both relieving and liberating. He felt free from the burden than Luke would expose his manipulative lifestyle. He was now back in control. He could tell Luke was desperate, he needed someone to control him, tell him what to do. "Good boy. You're doing so well!"

Trying quickly to swallow the food, wanting it over and done with, Luke began to choke. Undigested grains of rice left his body. Luke leaned forward and it fell on Aaron's bare feet.

Aaron gritted his teeth but remained stationary. Shaking his head, the older man took a deep breath. "It's okay Luke. Try again." He knew this wasn't Luke being disobedient, it was a biological and psychological reaction to a deprivation of food.

But Luke shook his head. His throat was sore. his head was spinning. His eyes were now watering.

"Eat Luke!" Aaron warned his tone now not so friendly.

"No!" Luke muttered with panic, quickly finding himself standing up so he could remove himself from the situation. He couldn't bear to see food in the same space as his boyfriend for another minute. As Luke stood up, a fist collided with his face, knocking the small body back onto his chair.

Luke gasped and bringing a hand up to his face, blood coming from his eyebrow. Slowly he looked up at his boyfriend, his shoulders hunched and his mouth hanging open in shock.

Quickly Aaron got down on his knees and held Luke's face in his hands. Luke tried to lean away but Aaron held him tightly. "Oh, Luke. I didn't mean to. I was scared—"

"I know," Luke mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Fuck Luke. I didn't mean it. Are you okay? I was just scared and—"

Luke shook his head and pushed Aaron away. "I don't want to eat," he stated simply. "And you can't make me." Wiping some more blood from his face and staring at it, Luke closed his eyes. He felt calmer now. The impact had knocked some sense into him. All sense of panic had evacuated his body. He just wanted to be alone, without food and Aaron. Alone with only the thought of Ashton. He had been mistaken to try and bury it. It was very much alive and burning. He felt content with keeping the secret because it was what he wanted. "I'm gonna wash this off—"

"Let me help you. It needs to be looked at, let me."

"No, I'll do it. It's nothing." Luke looked down at the table where his small bowl of rice sat. "Just get rid of that please, I don't want it. It was a mistake. I know what I want now."

-

There is nothing I want more right now than a day to do nothing, but I swear uni think that because we're not allowed out the house, we can do more work. I don't think they realise how draining it is to sit in one space for the whole day. But what can you do when you have three essays due in the space of two weeks, on top of all the normal course content!

Anyway, rant over! I hope you enjoyed if you could say enjoyed, this chapter! Really happy with this one, and the next!

Thank you so much for all your love and support! Have a good week!