Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty

-

The restaurant was dark. All restaurants were dark. Ashton wondered if that were to make dates tolerable, that there was some kind of psychological benefit. But Ashton could still see Luke, as clear as ever. Ashton watched Luke cautiously but not so that it was obvious. He didn't want to mention nor police Luke's eating — it wasn't his right. But he wondered how Luke was actually doing. He knew Luke had failed to go to therapy and wondered if that had an effect on him.

Seeing Luke eat a bowl of soup triggered a plethora of emotions in him. He knew it was only a starter, but it created a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach. Ashton knew it was dangerous and all he wanted was a calm date but he also knew that was impossible. The whole trip was rooted in secrecy and torment. Even if they were two hundred miles away from the cause, the cause was still haunting both of them. Finally, placing his spoon in his empty bowl Ashton asked."If, hypothetically, you were to live with me—" he began, catching Luke's attention. He held his spoon still just above his bowl and stared at Ashton. "Would you go back to therapy?"

Luke paused and then shook his head. "No. Why?" He could feel his hands beginning to sweat. Perhaps it was from the steam of the soup or maybe it was because Ashton knew something he didn't. The thought had never crossed his mind before but now that Ashton mentioned it he thought it should have.

Ashton shook his head and wiped his mouth with the napkin. "It was just a thought, that's all—"

"You think I should?" Luke pressed eagerly.

"It's not my choice. Do you think you need it?" Ashton said cautiously. He knew he had messed up. They were going to argue. He knew there was nothing wrong with arguing, especially about something they still both held contradicting opinions on. No matter when they had this discussion, there would be an argument until Luke changed his mind.

"What for?"

Ashton sighed. He had lost his appetite. He knew he shouldn't have brought it up here. He should have mentioned it when they were actually moved in together and everything was settled. "It's just you never finished going. And if you leave Aaron there's going to be some emotions you're going to have to deal with. And then when you overcome that, there be—"

"I won't miss Aaron," Luke disagreed, placing his own spoon down. "I just want to forget him!"

"It's not that simple Luke. It takes time and energy to control thoughts—"

"But you could help with that. It's what you do!" Luke's voice was getting louder, people around were staring. Ashton reached across the table and took his hand. Luke pulled it away. He didn't want Ashton to feel the emotions it held. The confusion and anger at what Ashton was suggesting. And the anger which he felt for the older man ruining what he had earlier decided was one of the best days of his life — and hoped would be the first of many.

"I've told you before, I don't want to help you, Luke," Ashton stated simply.

"Don't want to help me? Then what's the point of living with you then!" Luke knew he was being irrational. There were too many layers of emotions to work through to see the rationality of Ashton's point. All he could do was defend himself.

Ashton tried to fight back tears. "I just want to love you, Luke. I just want a normal relationship with you. I will help you as a lover but beyond that, you need help from someone who is impartial. Not me nor Aaron."

"Fine if I get help from this trauma you are suggesting then we can live together happily ever after," Luke huffed.

"But then there will be the eating—"

"Eating? Now you're making things up! I eat Ashton. You've been watching me eat all day!" Luke hadn't failed to see Ashton watching him. He didn't mind, he understood that Ashton hadn't seen him in a while and just wanted to know he was okay. Luke wanted to show Ashton he was okay — but now he knew that Ashton didn't think that.

"I've been watching you eat the bare minimum. You've only been fuelling yourself to get rid of Aaron. When you don't need that no longer then we're going to be back where you were three months ago." Luke wasn't looking at him. He was looking around the restaurant. "You understand what I'm saying, don't you? It'll take a while for us to be like a normal couple, but with help, we can get there—"

Luke was standing up, throwing his napkin next to his soup. "I'm going back the hotel," he muttered.

"Luke—"

"I just need to be alone— to think. Have a nice meal then join me and then we can talk."

-

Ashton returned two hours later. He paid for the meal, even though only two starters were consumed. Instead, he walked around the city, clearing his own head. Trying to think about what was the best way to approach the situation. He also called Stella to check on her. Tell her what had happened. She told him it was to be expected and to not give up.

Luke looked up at Ashton, bloodshot eyes. He held his arms out welcomingly. Ashton threw off his coat and gently climbed into Luke's arms. The younger man pushed him down and clung tightly to his chest. After a moment of embracing, Luke whispered. "I'll do it."

"You'll do it?" Ashton checked, lifting up his head to look at the man who clung to his torso like a koala to bamboo. The scene melted his heart — it was adorable but also upsetting. "Do what?"

"I'll live with you. I'll live with you as soon as we get back. And I'll get help — for both things." Luke paused then snuggled his head under Ashton's own. "I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to be with you."

Ashton hummed understandingly and drew patterns on Luke's arms as he let the rising of his chest fall into sync with Luke's. He would hold Luke until he was ready to talk. All he wanted to do was take Luke's hand and guide him through a normal relationship — show him everything that he can have if he just accepted it.

-

I made a cruel mistake last time and somehow said there were twenty chapters left, I'm afraid there are only ten!

Term three of uni starts today. I don't have any classes this term, just revision and essays to do so hopefully it won't be too stressful!

In more good news I also get to do another review of a book before it is released and I'm excited for this one because she seems like a really popular author. The books translated for the Dutch and I can't wait to see what I think!

How is everyone?

Thank you so much for reading.