Take My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

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"I want to know what happened over the past ten years. What I let go of?" Ashton said as he hugged Luke's body tighter. They were currently in Ashton's house, on Ashton's bed. Luke's head had previously been laying on Stella's pillow, whilst her fiance was on top of him.

Now with their breathing steadying after such an intimate act, Luke was laying on Ashton's chest. His eyes resting peacefully. The action felt so foreign. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this with Aaron, even if they had been in the exact same position. But at the same time, it was like the past had connected with the present. Luke felt nineteen again.

"I don't remember much," Luke laughed nervously. He knew sooner or later Ashton would want to know what happened after their last encounter. "I tried to forget as much of it as possible. I thought if I forgot about it, then it would never be a memory that could come back."

"Freud wouldn't like that!" Ashton laughed sadly. He knew that repression was bad, that was basic psychology he'd learnt a decade ago. "But, it's come back now?"

"The memories?" Luke asked, letting his eyes flicker open to see Ashton's face. It was the first time he had seen it clearly today. When Ashton had greeted him at the door, they were both instantly consumed with passion. Everything escalated so quickly and they fulfilled an act they had been subconsciously dreaming of ever since they first met. The tension had built to become unbearable. And Luke had wished Ashton was his first, that he was ready when they first met — or maybe that he had waited.

Ashton nodded. "Yeah, have they resurfaced?"

Luke thought for a moment. He could hardly recall anything from his nineteenth to his twenty-first year on earth. Only the presence and then the absence of Ashton. "I don't think so. I don't really remember that Luke — I don't think that was ever me, it was like an out-of-body experience."

Ashton let his thoughts roam for a moment. He made himself a promise after Luke left him alone in his office that he wouldn't get involved in helping Luke this time. He knew that was what led to their downfall previously. But, there were some things he could not ignore, he could not ignore how significantly smaller the younger man got each time he saw him. He wasn't going to force him into anything, but he'd ask a question that would hopefully evoke contemplation. "But, what you're going through now—"

Shaking his head, Luke gently sat up and stared at Ashton. "It's something different now. I guess it's even worse. But, I don't want you to worry about it, Ashton—"

"You don't want me to worry?" Ashton couldn't help but laugh. How could he not worry? "Of course I worry Luke. Everyone worries about you!"

"Okay," the blonde agreed. "But, when you're with me, I don't want you to worry. Or at least talk about your worries. I want to feel safe with you and have fun." His hand reached towards Ashton's head and tucked a piece of overgrown hair behind his head. He hoped the physical action would interfere with the mental processes churning away in his head.

"And when you're with Aaron, can I worry then?"

His eyes fell and his hand dropped to his lap. "You can think whatever you want about Aaron."

"Thank you," Ashton said. "So these are our rules? Do you want to suggest any others?" he queried. Luke looked over at Stella pillow, a pillow that he had moaned into just moments ago. Ashton followed his gaze and sighed. "Stella's a strong woman Luke. Even if she found out, we'd all end up okay."

Shaking his head, Luke disagreed. "It's still not fair Ashton. Stella may be strong, but she has feelings too. She told me never to make promises to her that I could never keep and I still made them anyway."

"I don't understand what you want me to do Luke. I'm not going to leave her, and you're not going to leave Aaron. Stella's not stupid, she knows we have feelings for each other. And she's fine with that, she just doesn't need to know we act upon that—"

"But maybe she could—"

"I don't want her to know Luke. It's my relationship!"

Luke felt his heart begin to beat faster and his eyes water. He didn't want to fight with the older man, but he was so confused about where his morals lay. His voice shaking, Luke suggested, "I think I ought to get going—"

Ashton sighed and took Luke's hand, pulling him back closer to his body. Luke let him. "Luke, I'm sorry—"

"No, you're right. It's your relationship. I shouldn't get involved, you're trying not to with mine."

Gently turning Luke around, Ashton cupped Luke's face in his own. "Let me apologise. You never let anyone apologise. This isn't your fault. You're trying your best to be a good person in an awful situation. I'm just being greedy — I want two people," Ashton said.

"I want two people too. We're both as bad as one another," Luke argued.

"No. You only want one person."

Luke smirked. "You're still egotistical!"

"I'm just telling it as it is. I have a choice, you have no choice. You said it first, you need me. And hopefully, want me."

"I do want you. Of course, I do. I would never have had sex with you, I didn't last time," Luke assured, avoiding the latter part of Ashton's words. He wanted to be present, Aaron didn't need to invade their space. There was something more than the mere desire to be in the presence of each other this time, there was a desire for each other's bodies. 

Ashton nodded thoughtfully. "We'll see how it goes. I like you being my little secret, no one knows about you but me. If I fall in love with you anymore, then maybe I'll tell her."

-

Not quite sure how I'm writing love when I am totally anti-love but this seems somewhat real!

On the theme of love, how was everyone's Valentine's day, did anything exciting happen for you?

I hope you are all doing well!

Thank you so much for all the love and support!