Being a Lovato Sister

Chapter 42- Reflection

Becca's POV*** 

It has been a few days since Demi brought me up on stage for the first time. This also marks when I broke my almost a week clean. I feel really guilty about that because Demi still thinks I haven't cut. What's worse though is that I haven't had the courage to tell her about Emily. Something about telling her about one of her fans being so rude to me, bothers me to the core. I guess I just don't have the heart to do that. I will have to tell her someday, but I hope not soon. I know at some point in time it will come up in conversation and I will have to confess but for now I choose to keep it as a secret, even though it is killing me inside. That night keeps replaying over and over in my head. Everytime I think about it I get a sudden urge to hurt myself that I can't fight on my own. The memory of that night is permanently carved into my brain and I will never forget it no matter how hard I try to. 

"Becca?" Demi asked from the other room sounding puzzled.

"Ya Dems...?" I replied from my comfy perch in bed.

"What's this?" She asked, approaching me. My heart stopped and I started to panic. Had she found my make shift blade? She would be so mad and hurt. What am I going to do? 

A sudden sigh of relief washed over me as she walked into our "bedroom" holding her phone up to me. I took it in my hand and clicked play on the video that was on her screen. My eyes began to water and my entire body began to shake violently as I watched a girl getting bullied. Only it wasn't just any girl, it was me. One of the fans must have taken a video the other night because I was sitting on the bed watching Emily spit in my face over and over. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I through the phone on the bed and began to errupt in a panic attack. Demi tried to wrap her arms around me but I batted her away. I made my way onto the floor in the corner of the tiny room and started to yank at my hair. I wasn't really sure what I was doing. It was almost as if I had lost all control of my body. I continued violently shaking as I would occasionally pull clumps of hair out of my head. Demi kept trying to approach me or say soothing words but I think I was beginning to scare her with my out burst. I started shouting words at myself like ugly, worthless and whale. My inner voices were starting to escape my head and take over my mouth. I was numb in that moment and didn't know what to do or how to stop. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Demi approach me and before I knew it I kicked her away from me causing her to fall backwards. Taken a back by what I had just did I managed to calm down for a split second before going into attack mode on myself. 

"I AM A MONSTER!" I shouted over and over as if I was trying to convince myself. 

I started a rampage running up and down the hall of the tour bus as Demi layed on the floor holding onto a part of her body that I couldn't make clear in my current foggy state. After about 15 minutes of yelling "I'm a monster" and trying to stay away from Demi so I wouldn't hurt her again, I decided to lock myself in the bathroom. At this stage of my panic attack my breathing was becoming normal but that only made the voices inside louder and louder. They were so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. 

In that moment I stood with my hands against the sink looking down. The only thing on my mind was protecting Demi from myself. I could hear her banging on the door but I refused to let her in. I didn't want to cause her pain again, she's too special to me. As I began to let my mind wonder onto the events that had just taken place I slowly lifted my head to see what I feared almost as much as myself. My reflection. 

A/N: First of all I am so sorry that this is late. I have been really bust lately but I am going to try and update as regularly and as much as possible. Also I am sorry that this isn't very long. Reflection part 2 will be out soon when I get the chance to sit down and write it. Haha. 

Anyways I hope you enjoyed it! 

Next Update: Saturday? Maybe.

Early Update: 22 comments and 90 votes. 

Thanks for reading! 

Happy Reading, Stay Strong and God Bless!

~Riss