4:20 // 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

013

My camera roll is greatly suffering.

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Alex has been acting weird lately, I feel like weird is an understatement. He's been calling less and less, and when he does call its for short amounts of time. Half of the time we don't even talk, we just with there on call saying nothing, sometimes catching each other's glances.

Today was different though. I wanted to push all that aside. Today was my date with Jessie. We had talked for some weeks now and he was such a good person. Not as great as Alex but still kind nonetheless. He didn't always get my humor but hey he was trying. At the moment I was getting ready thinking of all the possible outcomes. 

I was thinking to myself on how something didn't feel right. Like what I was doing was wrong. Was it too soon, or was I just overthinking again? Just as I was applying my mascara, Like You Do by Joji played. My mind immediately drifted to thoughts of Alex. God how I missed messing with him. Before my thoughts led me into an hour of crying I heard a nock on my door. 

I looked at my phone screen 'well he's earlier than expected ' I shouted a quick "coming!" And rushed to my door after finishing up the other eye quickly. I opened the door and my jaw dropped. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but then all of a sudden she spoke

"Are you just gonna stand there and not say anything?" I extended and hugged Lola tightly while she just laughed at my surprised state.

"GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

"GOOD CUZ I DID TOO"

"I didn't know you were coming tho"

"That's the whole point of a surprise"

"Fair point" I softly laughed and we caught up with one another while I showed her around my apartment and showing her where she would be staying. We sat on the couch still in disbelief but enjoying one another's presence. 

After another solid 30 minutes pass I got a text

Jessie🐸: I'm outside

I looked at lola.
"Hey so um I may have forgotten I have a date with somebody today," I trailed off fumbling with my fingers. Lola just beamed at me

"My little girls all grown up. Just make sure your back before 10" I laughed and looked at her

"You sure your ok with being left alone for awhile?"

"Yeah totally, now go have fun, but don't do anything I wouldn't do"

"okay Mom" I said while pushing myself of the couch and get the things I needed before leaving. I opened the door and said bye to Lola earning a small wave and smiled back.

----time skip thing----

"Today has to be one of the most fun days I've had since I've arrived"

"Really? Well, I'm glad" he softly smiled. We were now sitting on the pier hand in hand with the carnival lights in the background. It was nice and quiet. All my problems had washed away and I now focused on the softly ripping water and how the moon's reflection shone across it. 

"Hey y/n, " he caught my attention and I turned to him "I really had fun today, I hope we can do more things like this soon" he smile and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt him slowly lean forward. 'No no this can't be happening ' his lips met mine. I quickly pushed him away.

"Jessie, I- I'm sorry. I can't- its not right -" guilt overcame me as I slowly got up. He quickly shot up 

"Y/n what the fuck I thought you actually liked me" that's when a train of realisation hit me. I liked Alexis. I had a crush on Alex. He treated me like I was the only girl in the world. 

"Jessie, i- I'm so sorry.. but I like somebody else"

"Wait so let me get this straight, you say yes to going on a date with me, act interested, and then tell me that you're into someone else? How does that fucking work? Y/n I genuinely liked you" he looked at me with evident pain in his eyes

"I'm so sorry I really am, I didn't mean to lead you on or anything, I really didn't mean to" I didn't mean to hurt him or intend to hurt him. He was an amazing person and I liked him but nothing more than a friend.

"Whatever," and with that he turned on his heel and left, leaving me on the pier feeling guilty.

He had left and I still needed to get back home. I called an Uber got in. Once I arrived at the apartment I could no longer hold it in, so I ugly cried in front of Lola nothing new to her. I had told her about what happened at the pier. After she had consoled me and told me it was not my fault and he was being a nice guy we both went into our rooms and got ready to sleep.

-----Second time skip thing-----

 It was now 2:20 and I had not slept a single minute. I was currently on my second monster can while just staring into the air. My head was lost in space and it decided to mention Alex which led to thinking about him and the information I realised back mid hell breaking loose. I decided to text him because if anyone could help me feel better, it would be him.

(Alex is in bold y/n is in italic and song lyrics is underlined)

Alex, I need help

whats up

so, I had my date today, and he kissed me but it felt so wrong. I just need some help and i need someone to talk to. lola's asleep (she's visiting) and you were the only person I thought of.

Yeah you know I'm here for you any day 

=now get creative here and just think about Alex consoling you and making you feel better over text bc ik every body got their own types of feel better situations=

If you ever go

All the songs that we likeWill sound like bittersweet lullabies

 we continued to talk for awhile. Making each other laugh and feel better as if we never stopped talking to one another

Since I met you
All the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly
Consider what we've got 'cause I can never take you for granted
Is there another us on this whole planet?

Was I sure this was just a crush.. or was it love?

I don't wanna seem foolish
When I'm jumping into this
You're all that I see

It was just a crush, just a crush. Right?

Lost in the blue
They don't love me like you do
Those chills that I knew
They were nothing without you
And everyone else
They don't matter now
You're the one I can't lose
No one loves me like you do

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100gecs is underrated