Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 87

*I don't normally listen to music while writing, but I was listening to "my love" by Sia and "Power Of Love" by Gabrielle Aplin and you can YouTube these as you're reading to feel the vibe I felt :)*

He remains silent, tracing my ring with a slow, steady finger completely closed out in his own world. It never crossed my mind, or even appeared in my scenarios that I'd see him aching with tampered feelings and drowning in agony. It seems as though the cards have flipped between us and it's my turn to fix him the way he fixed me. We're both struggling together but my confidence seems to be overpowering his. He's doubtful, even behind his dominate promises that are a repetition in my head, I know deep down there's a flicker of uncertainly and the fear of losing this battle is scaring him. Harry is strong; he's built like a solid unbreakable stone, but his heart is the complete opposite. Behind his authority and commanding presence, his heart is fragile. It has been kicked around far too many times and the desperate clutch he has around the veins keeping it intact is slowly but gradually detaching despite my never ending attempts to keep it together.

His eyes are tangled with his thoughts and not one word has been spoken. The rain has calmed and Harry's damp body has now completely dried to a soft, warm coating of skin.

"I'll wear it everyday," I promise him with full intentions to keep it. He looks up at me, almost the way a child would look up with absolute joy in their eyes, and the glossy rim around his irises increase, "I don't really express myself much to you," I tell him, "I seem to think it rather than say it to you but honestly Harry, I will do everything I can to make this work. I know what happened between us is still hurting you but you have to let that go. We both have to be strong in this and you know I'm not strong enough to do it by myself. Even if I were, I would fail because without you I'm not strong. I'm not myself when you're gone," I play with his fingers as I tell him my thoughts; the thoughts I know he has been wanting to hear. He listens attentively, gazing into my eyes with all his focus, "I'm not happy without you. I swear nothing in this world makes me happier. You saved me, you really did and I know my problems pulled you down with me but you took them away and lifted me up when I thought it wouldn't have been possible. I love you," I softly say the three words that holds the most truth and honesty any word I have ever spoken has carried, "I love you so much and I won't let anyone take you away from me, not even Alan. He says I'm just a teenager and don't know what I'm doing but I do know; I'm fighting for the only thing that keeps me alive, and that's you." I stare at the minor cuts on his knuckles waiting for him to respond.

Without saying a word, he lifts his hands and cups my jaw. His long fingers wrap around it, cradling it with warmth and caution and with delicate lips, he kisses me. That feeling; that warm feeling that always gushes through my chest when he kisses me returns and because I have missed him so much, that feeling feels lethal in the most addicting way. His fingers brush through my hair, rubbing circles on the apples of my cheeks with his thumbs while his lips awaken me. The sensation rushes to my stomach and it's a feeling I can't and don't want to shake.

I push myself higher on the mattress and without breaking the kiss, I lay down and Harry's palms rests on both sides of me to support his weight up. His cross necklace hangs off his bare chest and slides over my t-shirt like a pendulum. He peppers gentle kisses all over my neck and goosebumps swarm my body head to toe as if I've been exposed to negative degrees. His hips press against mine and I can't help but to arch and lift myself against him. I want to forget everything and this is definitely going to help. I want to block out all that has happened and just feel him and only him. I don't want to feel hate, I don't want to feel worry or resentment; I want to feel his love and protection, his arms around me, his chest against mine, his lips leaving marks; that's what I want.

"I love you so much," he whispers kissing the ends of my lips. He halts his movements and looks into my eyes, seeming to try and read them. He breaths through an open mouth and I lie below him giving him permission to do whatever he wants. My heart races when he brings his index to my cheek and traces it with a steady finger, "you're the most beautiful girl in the world," his voice is deep but sweet and mellow, "no one will ever be able to have the honor of feeling your love because you're mine." the tip of his soft fingers sketches my lips and everything around me becomes unfocused, except him.