Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 25

"Aleevonne?" He shot up from his bed and looked confused, almost as if he just saw a ghost.

"Hi..." I awkwardly said shutting the door behind me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked furrowing his eye brows as he got out of bed.

"You weren't answering my texts." I said with a frown.

"Oh..." He took his phone out and I'm assuming he saw my messages since he slowly nodded his head. "It was on silent. Why are you here?"

"Do you want me to leave?" He seemed uninterested and I immediately regretted coming here. He didn't reply and I got the hint, "Okay." I whispered turning around to leave but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back .

"Wait," he sighed, "don't leave."

"Why are you ignoring me?" I asked beginning to feel the lump in my throat. I'm never felt this emotional before but he seems like he doesn't even want me here and it's hurting me.

"I'm not ignoring you." He's a bad liar.

"You said you'd text me and you never did; you never do that, you always keep your word." I reminded. My voice was full of hurt and I can feel it cracking. I began to feel like an obsessive girlfriend. I'm not that I just like him so much and I feel like me constantly angering him is pushing him away from me.

"I said I had things to do."

"For six hours?" I fire back.

"Yes for six hours!" He said raising his voice.

"You make everything so difficult!" I shout rubbing my temples and allowing tears to form in my eyes. He noticed, but obviously ignored it.

"Me? I make everything difficult?" He repeated with a smile of disbelief, "I try and make things simpler you're the one who can't control their choice of words!"

"Oh! You make things simpler? Running after Liam constantly and causing a scene is making things simpler? Making me feel like I'm the bad person all the time is making all of this simpler?" I yell back. I tried my best to keep my voice down with Amilia sleeping and his mom downstairs but it was just too hard. The tears were dry on my face and I was no longer sad but now frustrated and furious with him.

"And what do you mean I can't control my words? I know how to control myself." I lied to not only him but to myself.

"Oh really? Because love is something you can't seem to control or keep inside your damn mouth."

"Is that what this is about? Love? It was a honest mistake it just slipped out!"

"You shouldn't have fucking said it if you didn't mean it! At least try to control yourself, it's not a mistake and something to joke about! You should say it if you mean it, if you don't than don't fucking say it than!" he was furious, out of his mind furious. His veins were seeping through his neck and as he continued to yell he was running out of breath but didn't stop.

"Why are you so upset? I understand what you're saying but Jesus Harry, calm down! It's not even a big deal!"

"Yes it is! Love is a very big deal to me. Have I not made that obvious? It isn't something you joke about!"

"I wasn't even making a joke I said it slipped out of my mouth, there's a difference Harry!" I shouted at him. There's so much yelling I can take and it's all giving me a head ache and his temper is beginning to scare me. "And stop yelling at me for God sakes!"

"I'll stop yelling when you learn how to talk."

Before I could open my mouth there was a knock on the door. I moved away from it when Harry marched towards it and opened it.

"What?" He said with frustration towards his mother.

"The food is ready, but I'll be going to the store to pick up some things so I could bake some dessert." She said sweetly. "Make sure Amilia is alright, and keep your voices down."

"Fine." He slammed the door right in her face and walked away.

"Don't be rude to your mom!" I scolded.

"Don't tell me what to do." He said sitting at the edge of the bed.

"You should know to treat your mom with respect don't slam the door in her face." I said angrily crossing my arms.

"Can you just not be so bossy and shut up for one second?" He rested his elbows on his knees and covered his face. The song changed to HeartBreak Warfare By John Mayer and the silence made it seem so loud. Harry angrily got up and turned the radio off, keepig his hand on it as he closed his eyes to collect himself.

It was quiet. So quiet, that it made me nervous. All you could hear was his heavy breathing through his nose.

"Don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it." He said through his teeth as his eyes remained shut. "Dont'!" He suddenly shouted slapping the radio and turning towards me. I flinched at his tone and stepped back. "I have been fucked with too many times and I won't let it happen again; don't fucking let it happen again. And to say 'I didn't mean it that way' makes it worse. If you didn't mean it that way what way did you mean it?" He asked stepping away from the shelf that held the radio and coming closer to me. His torso moved with every step he took and his eye brows furrowed together in anger. He pulled his lip ring from the inside as he waited for me to answer.

"I don't know," the fear in my voice was evident, "I don't know." I repeated through a whisper while I looked down. He scoffed and rubbed his jaw than the back of his neck.

"You don't love me in any way? At all? You don't feel any type of love towards me?" he asked containing himself.

"I don't know.." I've said that way too many times and it was clear that the simple phrase was a phrase he was beginning to dislike.

"Stop saying that! How do you feel, Alee? Tell me!" He demanded to know.

"I don't know how I feel, Harry! I like you, a lot! So much, okay! I like you so so much, but it's not love! I'm not there yet! Why do you keep pressing the subject!?'

"Because I love you!" He confessed. I suddenly forgot how to breath.

It started to make sense; the pieces to the confusing puzzle was finally put together. I was left speechless and shocked. It didn't even cross my mind that he loved me. I can see his emotions getting the best of him as he stood before me while his bare chest rose and fell heavily.

"Y--you love me?"

"Yes! I fucking love you with all my heart!" he admitted putting his hand on his heart.

His confession brought tears to my eyes. How was I so blind to not see this; to see how he felt? Just a month ago he asked me out, which is why this all surpised me. Is it even possible to love someone so much after a month? I can't believe he feels this way towards me because all this time I thought he didn't want to be with me anymore.

I remained silent; unaware of what to say or do. I can't say that I love him because I don't. We stood in front of each other, waiting for someone to talk. He finally got tired of waiting for me to speak so he did.

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to love someone who doesn't love you back? And don't say yes because Liam did love you, he just didn't know how to show it."

My heart twisted in pain as he expressed his feelings for the first time. His words hit my heart like a ton of bricks and I was left mute.

"And for two years.." he said throwing two fingers up, "two."

"Two years?" I finally spoke.

"Since freshman year, I told you that. I thought about you all the time and just hoped you'd end up mine. All I wanted was to just have you and love you, but you were too busy with Liam to even notice my existence." He looked away and slowly rubbed his chest, inhaling slowly and deeply through his nose.

"That's not true Harry."

"Yes it is!" He fired back not giving me time to continue my thoughts, "You even said you didn't remember me. That hurt more than you'll ever understand because I never forgot you."

I looked away and bit my lip to prevent myself from crying, but it was getting hard not to.

"How was I supposed to tell you this after only a month of dating? I was planning to tell you though but fuck, it's ruined now. I wanted it to be special not angrily shouted out during a fight! I wanted to tell you, God did I want to you but I was afraid I'd scare you away or make you uncomfortable. But you don't feel the same way, at all; So it's hard Aleevonne, it's hard keeping it in and it's hard having to explain the reason for my love when you don't in the slighest feel the way I do." He was angry, frustrated but most of all hurt. The pain his eyes and voice held was more clear than water. He was so hurt all because of me. How can he love me if I'm causing him pain? How can he love me if all I do is hurt him? I don't love him but I do feel something towards him. I know it's love but it's still developing. I regret ever saying those words to him because now he's crying in front of me all because of my careless mistakes. I'm causing him pain and I hate myself for it.

"I think I do lo--"

"Don't you dare say it out of pity!" He said through gritted teeth as he stepped closer to me.

"I'm not Harry, I'm serious I think I do."

"I don't want you to think!" he shouted at the top of his lungs as his rasp echo'd through the room, "I want you to know; to fucking know you love me not to think! Would you want someone to think they love you?"

"No." I replied, "but it's not out of pity. I've never felt this way about anyone, not even Liam. Ever." I made clear, "I mean you care for me and you're not afraid to show me! The way you hold me and kiss me and hug me and protect me makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world! I honestly feel myself loving you, it's possible Harry don't doubt it because I feel it!" I said when he rolled his eyes, "It's just not fully there yet. I feel it Harry and I doubt it'll go away because as days go by my feelings for you grow." I walked up to him and grabbed his hand, holding it tight in mine.

"You're the most important person in my life right now," by his tone of voice it was evident that he was holding in tears, "I need to know if I am in yours."

"You are," I promised, "I swear you are."

"Than tell me you love."

"I can't." He immediately pulled away from me and balled his fists, closing his eyes to try and control himself.

"I'm sorry Harry! I can't! Would you rather me lie and say it or actually feel it and tell you the truth? You can't rush this, Harry!"

"It's not fucking rushed!"

"For you it's not, for me it is!" I shouted defending myself.

"How long did it take you to love Liam? Two weeks right..." I didn't know he knew that.

"How'd you know that?"

"We were best mates, don't you remember? He told me everything. You both said it two weeks into the relationship. If I make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world and if I make you happier than Liam ever did than why can't you say it? What's the difference between him and me? You say I'm better than him, so what's the problem?"

"I was naive! I was a fucking kid! I didn't know any better. He was my first boyfriend! He said and did things to trick me and obviously I fell for it, but I leaned from it. It's hard for me to love people Harry, don't you understand? He fucked me up so badly it's hard for me to love or even trust someone without thinking they'll do something to hurt me just like he did! I'm trying my best to fix myself, I really am but it's hard. " I said fighting the urge to cry, "But I trust you, and I know you won't hurt me. You're breaking down that wall he built."

He marched up to me and cupped my face as tears formed in his eyes, "I'm not Liam. I will never..ever...hurt you. I would never even think about it: I'd cut my hands off first before touching you in a way you don't want to be touched. I know what he did to you is still hurting you but you're safe with me; you always will be. I will protect you like God protects his angels because that's what you are. Don't be afraid that I'll do something to hurt you or trick you because I'll never turn my back on you, you know this already." He said looking into my eyes, "I've wanted you for too long, I'm not going to let you slip through my fingers. And even if you don't end up loving me, I will always love you."

I shut my eyes and cried as he removed his hands from my face and pulled me into a tight hug. He dug his head into my neck and wrapped his arms around my lower back as my arms stayed glued around his neck.

Harry is the most special person in my life and from the day I met him my life has gotten better. Because of him I'm happy and I'm actually having fun. I know we argue and I know he get's angry quickly but it's all because he cares. I don't ever want to be with anyone else. I don't care that's it only been a month; fuck it. I can't help how I feel. If I'm falling too fast so be it. At least I'm happy with the person I'm with and I wouldn't wish for anyone else in the world.

We stood like that in silence for what it seemed like forever. His bare chest was warm against my cold cheeks and I hugged him tighter. His arms wrapped tightly around my body keeping me so close to him that nothing could slide through us. I rubbed his exposed back as he hugged me and I could feel him calming down.

We finally pulled away from each other and with my thumb I wiped away the tears from under his eyes. He wrapped his hands around my small wrist and brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them; placing them on his cheek and closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He opened his eyes and pulled me into a hug again.

"Don't be sorry," he told me. He pulled away and kissed my lips, making it extra long and perfect. "I do love you, let that be a reminder that I won't turn my back on you." He said pulling strands of hair away from my face. "And I'm sorry for ignoring you I was just upset."

"I know, it's okay. I was just worried.." I said stepping away from him. I hoped he didn't ask me why because I know it will start another argument. As I walked over to sit at the edge of his bed, he took his beanie off and fixed his hair; pulling it up into a perfect high quiff. I ran my fingers through my side bangs and collected all of my hair to throw over my shoulder. As he was fixing his hair, his back was facing me; exposing all his back muscles as he moved. Every part of his body was perfect, all of it. Not one flaw; he was just perfect.

"Come," he said with a small smile after turning around. Just as I got up he grabbed my arm and dragged me into his chest; wrapping his arms around my back.

"I didn't mean to make this feel rushed, I just wanted to know where you stood." he explained.

"I understand," I told him tracing his swallow tattoo's on his chest. He looked down and watched me run my fingers over his soft and warm skin, tracing the ink as I became more fascinated with them.

"And you don't have to worry about me." he said kissing my forehead, "I'm a big boy." I giggled and kissed his cheek, feeling his soft skin again my lips.

I didn't realize it was dark out and that I've been gone for almost an hour. Alan must be worried and surely upset. I didn't want to ruin the mood and just leave so I stayed. It might be a bad idea considering that I'll face horrible consequences but I'm sure Alan will understand, it's just my mom I'm kind of worried about.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked grabbing a black shirt to put on. I want to tell him to remain shirtless but I didn't.

"I told Alan I was going for a walk but it's been like an hour." I said looking out the window as his mom pulled up.

"You want to go home?" he said flattening the material against his stomach.

"No, but I have to. I'll just walk."

"Walk? I'll drive you." he said sitting on the bed to put his boots on.

"It's fine it's just a few blocks away."

"Alee, it's dark and it's cold; don't even think about it."

I found it to be sexy that he's so protective against me.

"Okay!" I smiled walking passed him. "I want you to play me another song some time." I say holding his hand as I walk down the stairs and him following from behind.

"Whenever you want." he says. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he's still sad over the fact that I said I didn't love him and I was trying my best to lighten up the mood.

"Hi loves." His mom said setting two plates of brownies and cookies on the table.

"I thought you were going to bake?" Harry said grabbing a brownie.

"Too much work, I'm exhausted." she sighed sitting on the couch. "Darling, why are your eyes so red?" she asked her son.

"What?" he rubbed his eyes quickly with his fingers, which actually made it worse.

"I don't know I guess something got in them." he looked away to prevent her from looking at them any longer and handed me a cookie. It was warm and the chocolate chips stretched when I took a bite and melted in my mouth.

"Harry, put down the brownie and eat dinner first." she could barely keep her eyes open.

"I will, after I take her home." his mom closed her eyes and smile in approval, giving a small wave and a sweet 'goodbye.'

~~~~

"I want your sweater back." I tell him when he pulls up at my house.

"Right, right! Tomorrow. I'll bring it tomorrow." He half laughs.

"Good, and I'm keeping this shirt too." I say trying not to smile.

"Looks better on you anyway." He tells me getting out of the car. I unbuckle my seatbelt and he opens my door and grabs my hand.

"Just tell him you were with me." he says shutting the door.

"I know, I just hope my mom isn't awake,! she hates when I'm out at night."

"But you were with me, so she'll understand." he obviously doesn't know my mom.

"Hopefully." I sigh."Oh, and the song, it was beautiful; Absolutely perfect."

"Thank you." he says as his cheeks turned a light shade of red.

"Really, it sounded so beautiful, better than the original. It was the best birthday present ever!" I smiled throwing my hands up in the air like a child.

"Thank you baby," he smiled hard exposing his dimples, "I'm glad you liked it."

"I surely did!" I said swinging back and forth, making him laugh even harder.

"You're so adorable!" he growled playfully and hugged me. He rocked me back and forth and kissed my lips.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Mhmm!" I hummed kissing him again. I love kissing him. I do it every chance I get; which is a lot.

"Good, we'll do something fun." he says, "by the way, hows your cheek?" he grabbed my chin with his thumb and index to turn my face and look at it.

"It's getting better. It doesn't really hurt anymore. I kind of forgot it was there." I shrugged.

"Hmm," he hummed examining it.

"It's fine Harry." I smiled pulling his hand away from my face. I rubbed my arms because of the cold wind and he noticed.

"You're cold?" he asks.

"Very. Aren't you?" I asked rubbing his arms to feel if his skin was cold.

"I told you I don't get cold." He said crossing his arms and trying to act like a tough man.

"Okay Mr. Vampire, whatever you say." I joked and he chuckled.

"Goodnight." I said giving him a kiss.

"Night babe." As I walked away he smacked my butt and I jumped; turning around and gasping.

"Harry!" I said with my jaw dropped. His smile was so big I couldn't help but to laugh. He gave me a wink and bit his lip.

"Feels better every time." He said laughing as I rolled my eyes.

"Drive safe!" I yelled walking up the stairs and to my door.

"Always do." He says getting into his car and driving away. When I got in the house Alan was still reading and my mom wasn't in sight.

"How was your walk?" he asked looking up from his book.

"I stopped at Harry's." I said making my way next to him.

"Figured." he smiled smelling Harrys cologne from my body.

"Where's mom? She's still sleeping?"

"Yeah. So how's everything with you and Harry?" he closed his book and placed it on the table.

"Fine, everything's fine now."

"Now? What happened before?"

I honestly trust Alan enough to tell him about my relationship. Not the sexual part, but the other parts. If you told me two months ago that I'd be sitting here confiding in him I'd laugh in your face and walk away. Who knew we would end up this close? I surely didn't.

"We argued before, like a few times and things just got a bit heated." I explained.

"You mean like a normal relationship?" he said taking his reading glasses off.

"Yeah, I guess."

"I heard you two yelling the other night." he told me.

"You heard everything?" I asked crossing my legs on the couch.

"Yeah, you didn't break up with him right?"

"No." I shook my head and smiled, "I could never."

"You seem happy." he smiled placing his hand ontop of mine.

"I really am."

"He's a good guy, always remember that. Knowing him, he'll treat you like a queen." he said defending Harry. "He's one of a kind." I smiled because I agreed; he truly is one of a kind.

"I know." He stood up and stretched out his arms and groaned.

"Well, it's passed my bed time."

"It's not even nine." I laughed.

"I'm tired as shit." He held his back as he walked away and up the stairs.

"Watch your mouth or it's a detention." I teased.

"Kiss my ass." he groaned. I bust out laughing and ended up falling on the side of the couch. Man, I love Alan. I wish I hadn't doubted him before but I'm glad we're as close as we are now.

I spent the rest of night eating ice cream and watching reruns of That 70's Show until Saturday Night Live started. Justin Timberlake was going to be on and there was no way in hell I was going to miss that.

Harry's voice kept replying in my head when he said 'I love you' and each time it made my heart beat faster and faster. I feel horrible for causing him so much hurt but I'll make up for it.

I ended up falling asleep at around three AM because Harry and I were texting and planning out our day tomorrow. He said he was going to pick me up for an, and I quote, "All Day Fun Day." It excited me really, spending the whole day with Harry made me happy and brought butterflies to my stomach. It's a day I surely can't wait for.


*hello loves! thank you so much for reading and getting the previous chapter 600 reads over night it literally made me so happy! please don't forget to comment, vote, and share! Id really love to know what you guys think of everything. you're endless support means the world to me and I appreciate it so much! thanks again<3*