Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 78

"No, I don't like to picture life without you." Harry stands to take his belt that has been bothering him off. A simple question has now turned into a heart to heart conversation with him, one of my many favorites we've had so far. With my legs crossed on his bed, he joins me back, "sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't come back for you, but it's hard." he pulls himself back and brings his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them to keep them in place, "why are you asking?"

"Just wondering." I softly reply with a smile, "do you ever think about what life would be like if I weren't around at all?"

"What do you mean?" his brows pull together in misunderstanding.

"I mean, if you never came to America and met me; what do you think you'd be doing right now?"

"uh--" he sucks in his lips and looks away in thought, aimlessly looking around the room through his brief hesitation, "I don't know," he shrugs honestly, "and I don't care. Life is good with you in it, that's all I need." he unwraps his arms from his legs and grabs my wrists, pulling me into his chest and hugging me. I connect my arms around his neck as he pulls me in for a kiss and we fall back against the marshmallow like mattress.

He's happy now; happier than I've ever seen him and it's because of me. That dark cloud that has been following him for years is now gone and the once damaged man is now rebuilt into a stronger, more powerful heart. One he thought he lost forever. But it's back and it's permanent; I won't let it go anywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of forceful groans startles me and in a panic, I sit up. I look around the room taking in the strong light of the sun that is irritating my eyes for they haven't adjusted to the brightness yet. I have a slight headache and the sudden interruption of my slumber causing me to sit up so frantically made me feel dizzy. Ripping the blanket from over me, I look around the room with half opened eyes searching for Harry. I hear the groan again and my eyes dart to the bathroom right beside me. I creak open the door to see Harry's arms hugging the toilet, sitting up on his knees as his head is bowed over it waiting for the poison he consumed to scar his throat once more. He looks up at me with sadness and obvious pain and I know he doesn't want me to see him like this but I can't leave. He looks more pale than he did yesterday and he's completely drained of color. He slides his top wrist over his mouth to wipe it and burps swallowing whatever came up with it.

"Don't look---" he immediately turns and throws up in the toilet. His face twists and eyes screw shut as the vodka surges from his gut and out his throat. He spits the excess vomit out and clears his throat and coughs at the burn building around it. I run to him and kneel beside him, gathering his hair as he continues. His grip is so tight on the toilet that if he pulled, I'm almost sure he could break it off. The sound of it clashing into the toilet repeatedly burns my ear drums and I can hear the pain through it. His head hides inside, releasing whatever is left and he falls backs breathlessly. His back is against the wall and his legs are spread open. His head looks as if it's going to fall off of his neck and he can't seem to keep it in place.

I crawl between his open legs while his eyes remain shut and I reach for the baby wipes on the counter. He opens them and watches me wrap it around my index and I begin to wipe the sides of his mouth.

"Are you okay?" he doesn't reply and allows me to care for him just like I want to. I grip his chin and turn his head so that he's facing me and I continue to dab away what was left behind. Weakly, his eyes begin to roll back and he has no control over his body. He only had one bottle with him last night, how many did he have before that? He couldn't have had a lot since he drove to the park without a scratch on him, but whatever he did really messed him up. The bathroom reeks of vomit and vodka and though his face is almost cleaned, some of it got into his hair and his skin smells of it too.