HOLLOW » Zarry ✔⚠

100

The room is fairly dark. And not because it's nighttime. But because it's a little after six o'clock in the morning and the sun is about ready to rise. After Harry's foster dad was given the news about Zayn passing away, he went down to the lobby to get Harry and they left the hospital immediately to go inform his mother. He thought about hiding from Harry the disturbing truth about her relationship with her son but he figured Harry deserved to at least know that. He deserved to know that he shouldn't feel guilty when his boyfriend's mother could be one of the main reasons he didn't want to live anymore.

He didn't tell him about the things she said about him though, for fear Harry might end up using that as a reason to hide who he liked even more then he knew he already  was. But he did tell him it was best he stay in the car and not let her see him at all. With regards to what actually happened when his dad went to that door and woke her up a second time, he isn't sure. All he knows is his father told her he'd throw her in jail if she didn't cooperate and the next thing he knew, she was jumping into her own car and they were trailing her to the hospital again.

After making sure she had done what she was supposed to do, and after confirming it was her son, she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, making it possible for them to finally return home. And Harry was relieved because it was the one place he wanted to be ever since the night had taken a turn for the worse.

Harry was too broken to eat anything his father had made. So he secluded himself in his room, stripped down to his underwear and got in bed as soon as they got home. But now, even 3½ hours and another long crying session later, he still hasn't fallen asleep.

He can't stop lying awake in bed thinking about the things his father said about Zayn's mother. How could she? How could she neglect the one person Harry thought was supposed to be loved by her? How could she treat him so badly? But then again, how could his father do what he did to him? How could he touch all the ways that he did. Easy. Because neither parent ever loved their child as much as they were supposed to. No wonder both of their lives had been destroyed so young. Because nothing can destroy a child quicker than not feeling loved by the only parent they have.

He can't believe how much he misses Zayn already either. It's torture knowing he's shared this very bed with him multiple times when he knows he won't be able to share those intimate moments with him ever again. It's like he actually was stabbed in the chest by the knife he ended up throwing over the bridge. Because that's where he feels the pain.

Besides his company, Harry already knows of everything else he is going to miss about Zayn as time goes on. Definitely those glasses and for sure, that smile. He knows he'll miss the kisses, whether they were sincere or not. He'll miss being naked with him, of course. And he'll miss how obedient  he was to him. He's aware that some of those times, he was just scared of him. But the times when Harry made him feel alright and made him feel sort of safe; those times when Zayn would look small in his arms, and totally the opposite of a fifteen or sixteen year old boy, that's  what he'll miss. That's what he wishes he could have back. And it hurts that he can't.

Harry's thoughts are interrupted when he hears a coffeepot start up downstairs. It's the sound of coffee beans being ground up, which tells him his father is up. And even though Harry isn't sure why, after he's been up all night into the morning just like himself, it means he's more than likely going to work.

A few minutes later as Harry is turning over, he hears a voice whisper in his room. "Harry."

It scares him because he didn't hear him walking up the stairs but he faces the door. "Dad, you're up?"

"Yeah, I'm up." He turns on the light to Harry's room. "I came to check on you. Are you feeling better?"

Harry shakes his head. "I haven't gotten any sleep. I can't sleep. Are you... Are you going to work?"

His foster father comes over to the bed and kneels down beside him. "Yeah. When duty calls, you gotta run to it."

Harry smiles and sighs contently when his father runs a hand through his hair in a repetitive motion. "I really hope you're careful on the way there. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you too."

"Oh, I'll be alright. Unlike you, I did get a little sleep. Besides, I'll be in the office all day today and I'll only be there a half a day. Which means I'll be home around one o'clock. Okay?"

Harry nods, but turns upward to the ceiling. "I want to, but I don't think I'll ever sleep again."

"Of course you will." His dad smiles. "You will. You just need to get your brain to relax and try not to think about everything that's happened."

"But I can't not think about it." Harry says, turning to him. "How can you say that like it's easy to do?"

His lips start to tremble but his father continues to run his fingers through his hair. "Shh, shh. I'm sorry. You're right. Maybe I should have said that better. But it's alright. Don't work yourself up or you'll be even longer getting to sleep."

"Can you please stay here?" Harry asks and he reaches out to grab his father's T-shirt. "Can you stay here until I fall asleep?"

"Harry, I can't. I told you I have to go..." But when he sees the distraught and spaced out look on his face, he gives in to his request. "Okay, I'll stay with you a little longer. But you have to be quiet so you can rest. Understand?"

"Yeah."

He continues to rake his hand through his hair and Harry closes his eyes in an attempt to relax. He does feel a little calmer with him by his side but really, that's about it. Because he doesn't feel any better. And he isn't getting any sleepier either.

The more Harry ponders his current feelings, the more he thinks this is the way it will always be from now on. He thinks in the days to come, there will continue to be these nights where he feels so tired and out of it, yet he can't sleep. And he feels that he will always be awake and thinking about how short of a time he got to spend with Zayn.

There's an eerie feeling that begins to stir in the pit of his stomach and it feels like a gaping hole inside of him. But he understands why that's so. It's hard to be calm when something is missing. It's hard to feel whole when a piece of him is gone. And it's difficult to breathe when he feels like he has no one to live for.

Is this how Zayn felt? He thinks as he feels his father kiss his forehead and whisper 'I love you'. Did Zayn feel empty sometimes? Did he feel alone with no one to live for?

Maybe. But Harry's not sure. He doesn't know what Zayn felt or even how he thought. But one thing he does know for sure, is that without Zayn here and without that beautiful boy looking up at him, he's always going to feel this hollowness inside him. A piece of him will forever be missing. And as long as he can never have it back, then maybe...

Just maybe....

Harry can't be saved either.