HOLLOW » Zarry ✔⚠

26

Unlike the day after Christmas when Zayn woke up in his own room, he wakes up in the back of Harry's car on New Years. He's still completely naked but he's underneath a blanket that Harry apparently brought for this purpose and Harry sleeps on top of him with his head buried in his neck. At this point. Zayn is just realizing 3 new things.

1) He knew they had sex last night. But in the back of Harry's car? Zayn never thought he'd do that. He never thought he'd go this low. But apparently he has. And he can think of so many different names he'd be given by now if people knew.

Something else he's realizing is 2) He feels like utter shit. Because again, this was done in the backseat of Harry's car. He feels so disgusting that he doesn't want to accept the reality. That Harry's naked body is against his or that there are two used condoms on the floor that have been tied up to keep their contents from coming out. He's blocking that out.

However, it becomes increasingly harder to block it out when he turns around to view his surroundings and sees two large hand prints on the window. Both belonging to Harry from when he was balancing himself to get a better angle.

"Harry..." Zayn whines and he's about to cry. Because lastly, he's realizing 3) This is all too much now. Just too much.

"Harry."

"Hmm?" He says shuffling but he doesn't open his eyes.

"Get up."

"Why?"

"Harry... Please..."

Harry huffs but sits up sleepily so that the blanket falls off exposing them. "Fuck... what time is it?"

"I don't know."

Harry reaches up and retrieves his phone from the front driver seat and frowns when he turns on the screen. "It's ten thirty."

That makes Zayn's heart race, but he speaks calmly. "Oh."

"Should I uhm, take you back to my place so you can have a shower? I'll let you wear some of my clothes home if you want. And I could make us breakfast-"

"-No." Zayn answers immediately and his voice stays firm. "I just... I just want to put back on my clothes. And I want to go home and I'll get cleaned up and eat when I get there."

Harry stares at him for a moment hating the way Zayn avoids eye contact with him. Then he completely moves out of the way with a sigh, allowing Zayn to move from underneath him. "Okay. Go ahead."

Zayn forces himself to pretend that Harry's hand isn't on his waist when he reaches to the front to grab his clothes or that those green eyes aren't watching him as he gets dressed. He wants to scream out loud because though he's not exactly being physically touched at the moment, he still feels like he's being violated. No one can understand how much of an unpleasant feeling it is for him.

He feels alone for that very reason.

After he changes his clothes and sits in the front seat again, he checks his phone to see that there is no missed call from his mother. All night, he's been gone away from home, and not one text message or voicemail either. It's proof that she meant what she said earlier when she said she doesn't care and it takes a certain air out of his lungs that he's sure he'll never be able to recover again. He should really stop expecting anything different from her because it just ends in more disappointment. Disappointment that's showing him why the list he's got hidden underneath his bed is looking more and more like the right way to go as time passes.

Harry finishes changing in a jiffy, and he's climbing in the driver seat starting up the engine. Finally, now that Zayn knows he's about to get away from Harry, he can pay attention to other things and settle down a bit. As he looks out the window, there's remains scattered in the grass that came from all the fireworks last night, but Zayn dismisses it. He knows he missed the new years celebration in the sky for unwanted hickies from Harry but no he doesn't care.

He's made up his mind now.

His time is getting close.

It won't be long before no one in this world is going to hurt from his absence. It won't be long before everyone is going to go about their lives as if Zayn Malik never existed on earth. He can't wait for that.

Sure, he'll be dead and he'll be lifeless then. But he will finally be free. And that, though it may not sound as such, is what Zayn craves more than anything.