HOLLOW » Zarry ✔⚠

65

Zayn wakes up from his nightmare hiccupping for air and shaking with fear. He's crying hysterically.

"I don't have anything left..." He says to himself in a low voice. "Everything I ever had is gone, except me now." He turns on his lamp and sits up, bringing his knees to his chest.

"What? What do you mean, Zayn?" It's the voice in his head. Surprisingly this time, as opposed to other times, it's welcomed.

"Didn't you see? Didn't you see why I can't  live anymore? I don't belong or fit in anywhere... I can't be here."

"Why would you say that?"

"The world is a cruel place. Only the strong people survive in it. I wasn't strong enough to survive in it. I'm still not and I never will be."

"That can't be any father from the truth. If you just stand up for yourself-"

"Stop saying that, please. I can't do that. I don't know how to do it and it's too late learn. I'm just going to be a weak sixteen year old boy, whose mother hates him. I'm going to have to live the rest of my life knowing I was raped and beaten by six grown men. I don't want that. I don't want to go through that. I'm just tired of it all and I give up." He gets out of the bed and opens the drawer to his nightstand. He takes out a permanent marker and sets it on the bed.

"Well, could you at least wait a little longer? Things might change. Besides, the date has already been set. You still have at least three more weeks."

"We may as well get ourselves geared up for it. What's done is done. I'm doing it to tomorrow."

"Zayn you can't."

"Yes I can. I knew this would happen. This is supposed to happen. I've known ever since I was thirteen." He kneels down on the floor and reaches under his bed where he finds the journal that holds the list of ideas on how to kill himself. When he gets back in bed and opens the journal to the right page, he sees there are only three left. He studies the list carefully as the voice speaks again.

"But you don't understand, Zayn. If you commit suicide, this is just like you punishing yourself for something you didn't even do. Why take your own life without a valid reason? Harry Styles did this to you. This is all his fault. He hurt you and he hurt you badly. He took advantage of you because he knew you were young and scared and he used it against you. He used all those things and then threatened you to make you take care of his sexual desires. Don't blame yourself. It isn't fair."

Zayn has a reply to everything that's just been said to him. And he wants to argue why 100% of it is his fault. But for some reason, he can't help but ponder those thoughts. They are worth considering. After all, Harry was the one who blackmailed him into giving him blowjobs. Harry was the one who took pictures of him naked, abused him physically, took his virginity, drugged him, and gave him to 6 men to use as a sex toy.

True... He did do all of that, didn't he? Yeah. 50% of this has to go on him for sure.

"You're right." He answers in return and he looks down at the 3 options that are still yet to be crossed out. "You're... you're so right. How could I not see it?"

He chuckles to himself, looking through tears that film his eyes and threaten to fall again. Something huge has just come to his mind. "I can't believe I've just now thought of this. This is so crazy."

"Crazy? What's so crazy?"

"Everything really. Everything's so crazy. I'm crazy. I mean... I must be if I'm really going to do this."

"Do what?"

Zayn rips out the sheet, purposely leaving the three choices unmarked. He takes the marker and scribbles four letters on a blank sheet.

PLAN

"Plan? Um, what are you doing?"

Zayn isn't exactly sure what every detail of this "plan" is going to be yet, but based on the rough draft he's conjured up in his brain, he thinks it could work. He's aware of how bad it's going to be. He's aware of how tragic this is going to end. But he wants to do it. He feels like he needs to.

"I change my mind about killing myself. Tomorrow that is. I've decided that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right."

"Are you kidding me?! I am your conscience! Listen to me! Were you not just agreeing to everything I told you?! This is Harry's fault!"

"I know."

"Then what are you doing?! I don't get it! Why do you need a plan if you're still just going to kill yourself anyway?"

"Because I'm going to do more than that, but I need a plan first. And not just any plan. It's got to be so epic and so shocking, nobody, not even my mother, is going to forget what happened."