forty-two | sleeping through the night

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A few weeks passed without issue. You found yourself awake one night, a little past one, uncomfortable with the way you were laying in bed. JJ was awake beside you, her eyes rested on you through the darkness. You rolled over to get more comfortable, now facing her, as she continued to lay on her back with her head facing you.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah," you breathed. "My back. Why are you up?"

"I don't know. Go back to sleep, baby,"

"You should, too,"

"I know," she said, "I will. Do you need anything?"

"Nope. Night, babe," you whispered as you shut your eyes.

"Good night, love." You couldn't see it, but JJ's eyes were still wide open, now looking up at the ceiling.

Another night that week you woke to find her too lying awake in bed, staring once again at the ceiling. She glanced over at you, as if checking on you, and then realized that you were awake. She whispered, "What's wrong?"

"I'm really thirsty," you noted with a sense of disbelief. You began to get out of bed to get a glass of water, and JJ came with you. "Oh, Jen, go back to sleep. Stay in bed,"

"No, I'm up anyway. I could use some water too." Both of you went to the kitchen to get water, and came back more awake than when you left, due in large part to the light in the kitchen. "Feeling better?" JJ asked as you both climbed back into bed.

"Yeah. Let's get some sleep, baby,"

"Good night, my Y/N," she whispered. "I love you."

You smiled. "I love you too."

A few hours later, you woke up for the day, and saw JJ in the same position you remember her falling asleep in, her eyes half-open, looking at you with immense care. A smile spread across her face. "Morning, love. Sleep okay?" she asked, grogginess still present in her voice.

"Mhm." You nodded and rubbed your eyes. "You?"

"Yeah. I'm still waking up," she groaned as she stretched a bit. "I wish we didn't have to work today. Today definitely feels like a 'lay in bed and cuddle with my pretty girlfriend all day' kind of day." She leaned over and kissed you.

"Well, hopefully we can come home tonight and kiss and cuddle all evening,"

"Am I too clingy?" she asked abruptly. You furrowed your brow. JJ turned over and fully faced you, worry covering her face. "I worry that I'm too overbearing sometimes. Too touchy, too pushy, too...just too much. Am I too much? Be honest with me, really,"

"No, Jenny. Absolutely not." You stroked her hair, putting a lock behind her ear, and took her hand. JJ didn't quite look like she believed you. "Sweetheart...you...everything..." You sighed and reorganized your mind. "Your touchiness makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin. If you didn't push me the way you do, I wouldn't be eating, I definitely wouldn't be having sex, and I wouldn't be doing as well as I have been. You are not too much. You're perfect. Don't you think for a second that you need to change,"

"Really? I'm not too touchy? I would never want to make you feel bad about anything. I can show my love in other ways, baby, if you ever get uncomfortable with it,"

"No, never. If you want to tone it down, then you can, but I love feeling your body on mine. You appreciate my body in a way I never expected. And all its changes, now, too. Your touch makes me feel so wonderful, and I would never want it to stop. Don't worry about making me uncomfortable. I will tell you if you do. M'kay? You're doing just perfect."

JJ was smiling now, and you pulled her over to cuddle with you. "How much time until we have to be up?"

"Twenty minutes. We can cuddle for a while, pretty girl,"

"Good. I'm sorry if that all sounded really pathetic. I just get insecure..."

"No, I understand, baby. Just know that you make me feel so good, in every way, and I promise to be open and honest with you if that ever changes." JJ put her hand on your belly and head on your chest.

"That really relieves me, baby. I love you more than life itself, and I worry that I don't show it right. But now...you say I make you happy, and I know that I'm happier with you than I've been in a while."

You stroked her hair. "Really? I know you lie awake at night, baby. Staring. Ruminating. What's been on your mind? What's keeping you up?"

"The baby,"

"No, that's what's keeping me up," you chuckled.

"No," she laughed, "I mean, I worry about your health, and the baby's. I...I remember when I was pregnant with Henry, so many nights I was up, sick, feeling like something was wrong. Everything was fine, thank god, but I remember feeling so awful and scared, wishing Will was awake to comfort me. I never wanted to wake him up, because he needed to sleep and I knew that, and I didn't want to...it just would have been so much easier," she breathed, "to have him there, awake with me, so I didn't feel so alone. I guess my subconscious doesn't want you to have to go through that too,"

"You need sleep, Jen. That's — I'm glad you want to be there for me, but I want you to take care of yourself. I know it's hard. How about we make a deal?"

"Hmm?"

"You do your very best to sleep better — melatonin, whatever you need, baby; you've been exhausted lately — and if I ever feel wrong or really sick, I will wake you up,"

"If anything feels off, baby, I want you to wake me up. Don't suffer on your own. I'd rather you wake me up and have nothing wrong than have me sleep through something bad. You promise?"

"I promise, sweet girl." You kissed the top JJ's head and felt her smile.

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