Show Me the Stars - Jennifer Jareau x Reader

seven | shower & a conversation

You stayed in JJ's arms until you felt ready to face the day. You grabbed clothes from the bag you'd grabbed at home and kissed JJ before heading into the bathroom.

You shut the door and started to take off those clothes you'd worn to bed. It was a slow process as you tried to keep calm.

The clothes came off and the anxiety went up, until you were brutally aware of how you looked. Someone was going to hurt you, weren't they?

Your breathing sped up; finally you were hyperventilating and crying and gasping. You heard knocking on the door and cried out in terror. No, no, god, please...

"Y/N, it's me! Just JJ, love! Are you alright in there?" You found yourself sitting on the side of the tub, completely naked, bawling your eyes out. JJ knocked again. "Baby, I just wanna know if you're okay?"

"Don't come in, please," you cried.

"I won't. Are you alright?"

"I..." You grabbed a towel off the hook, wrapped it around yourself, and opened the door. You watched JJ's heart break in front of you. You fell into her arms, and she held you close.

"Baby..." She sat you down on the toilet and knelt down on front of you. You held the towel up to cover your body and JJ fought back tears. "What happened? Tell me why you're crying, love, let me help you,"

"JJ...I..."

"Okay. I get it, love. It's bad. You don't have to say it. Do you think you can take a shower right now? Maybe I can help you, or we can just relax, calm down, and try again?" She held her hand up, hovering above your leg. You bit your lip and nodded, and her hand rested on your knee, on the towel. "That's really good, Y/N. Really good. You're doing perfect. Do you want to take a shower now, or no?"

You looked at her and tried not to cry more. "I'm scared, Jayje. Fuck, what am I even scared of?" you scoffed. JJ shook her head dismissively.

"Being scared is a normal response. You aren't 'wrong' or anything for feeling this way. It's perfectly normal, my love. If you're too scared, that's okay. If you want me to leave you alone so you can deal with your feelings, I will do that. Or I can stay and help you. I can do that, too. And if you don't know what you need or want, I'll help you figure that out, baby,"

"I...I don't want to make you..." You cried out and JJ wiped your tears away. "I'm sorry, I'm—I don't want to upset you, I don't want to hurt you, Jay,"

"You're never gonna hurt me, babe, alright?"

"You don't know that!" you cried. "I don't want to hurt you but sometimes people get hurt, JJ! I feel—I feel like I'm such a burden on you, and I really don't want to be,"

"You're— hey, Y/N, listen to me— you're not a burden. Not ever, never once have you been a burden, a problem, nothing like that. You're nobody's burden. I'm in love with you. I want you to feel better, that's all, love. You haven't ever hurt me. And if you do, which I doubt you will, love, I promise to let you know what happened to make me feel hurt,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I promise you. Now, love, what can I do to help you feel ready?"

You looked down at her hand on your knee. Your fingers fiddled with the towel. You muttered, "I can't stand being like this. Naked, I mean,"

"Okay. I understand, love. Keep talking. You're doing good,"

"I can't stop thinking about him!" you wept. "It's so easy to do something like that when I'm—I'm not wearing clothes, I—" JJ's hand came up to dry your tears. In turn, she dried her hand on your towel. "Everything reminds me of him. I can't look at myself without seeing what he did. And there..."

"And what, baby?" JJ's voice was soft and lovely. You attempted to smile at her, which she found both beautiful and heartbreaking. You sighed.

"And I don't want you to see me, 'cause I—I look terrible. I'm a wreck,"

"Your body is always perfect, no matter what anybody says—"

"No, I—he hurt me, Jay. You haven't seen it,"

"Honey, we've had sex. I've seen you naked before. I know what you look like even after he...even after he hits you." She tried not to choke on her words.

"Not like this. It's nothing too serious, thank god, but...I dunno, it just hurts that much more this time. I look like shit, and he—he says things that...I'm upset about, and I just—it's a whole mix of things. Sorry,"

"Don't apologize, baby. Now...it's awful. It absolutely sucks. I am so, so sorry you're going through all of this. You will always be my most beautiful girl, though, love, I swear. What he says to you— things about your body?"

"Mhm," you hummed, nodding and crying.

"He's wrong. Just flat-out, he is wrong. Every inch of you is perfect and beautiful, and not even he can take that away from you. You won't look bad, love. If it helps, I'll sit here and talk to you while you shower. I don't have to see you. I know that doesn't help with the memories, seeing yourself, but maybe it'll help with your confidence? And if not, I'll leave, or do what you need me to. Okay?"

"Okay," you whispered. JJ smiled.

"You're brave. I'll close my eyes if you want, that way I won't see you. Even though you're the most beautiful girl in the world." This put a smile on both of your faces. "But if you don't want me to look, I won't. Is that okay?"

"Mhm, yeah, that's fine," you mumbled. JJ stood and faced the door, her eyes closed. You took off the towel and put it with your clothes. You turned on the shower, waited a moment for the water to warm, and stepped in. "Thank you, Jay,"

"You're good? Can I open?"

"Oh, yeah," you said. You breathed deep and tried to remain calm. "I love you,"

"I love you, Y/N. Are you still alright?"

"Mhm. A little better now. Sti—still bad, but I'm—I'm glad you're here,"

"Of course, my love. I would do anything for you, sweetheart."

You and JJ chatted about work to keep your mind off Levi throughout the shower. When you dried off, you did so in the shower, having JJ hand you a towel, then stepped out and got dressed with JJ's back turned to you again. Once you were dressed, she turned back around and smiled.

"Hello again, beautiful," she said. You put your hand around the back of her head, lacing your fingers in her hair as you pulled her in to kiss you. She smiled out of the kiss and leaned her forehead against yours.