thirty-one | anxiety

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Once you and JJ had both changed, and you had used the bathroom, you came out to see JJ pacing around the room. "Darling," you said, "come sit with me. Please."

JJ bit her lip and looked at your hand, which you had stretched out to her. She took it and sat next to you on the bed. She continued holding your hand in hers, and laid her head down on your shoulder. She was crying, you knew.

"I have no idea why I'm so upset..."

"That's fine, my love. We can sit as long as you want, until you feel better. I love you, Jennifer, and I want to help you any way I can,"

"What if I don't know how you can help?" she wondered. Her voice was so soft, and so pained. It's excruciating to hear her this hurt.

"We can deal with it together, then. I can be here for you, if nothing else." You kissed her head and put your arms around her as you rocked slowly back and forth, back and forth. "You mean the world to me, JJ,"

"I'm safe," she reassured herself. "You're here. Everything's okay, hmm?" Her unease broke your heart.

"Yes, my love, everything's perfectly okay. I'm always here for you. You're safe. It's just you and me right now, no one else. I promise, you're safe, love."

JJ took a few deep breaths on her own. "Baby..." she whispered so very quietly, you almost didn't hear her, "I'm trying to figure out the best way to articulate this. Um..."

"Take your time, love,"

"Okay," she breathed. "Um...I'm just really anxious right now, and I don't know why, but it really helps me that you're here and you're keeping me somewhat grounded. So thank you." It was evident that she had heavily considered these words, and tried to separate them from emotion as much as she could bear at that moment.

"You don't need to thank me, sweetheart, I would do anything for you. If all I can do is be here, that's fine. If I can help you feel better, you just let me know how. Anytime. I'm here, just as you've always been here for me. I love you, Jennifer." Still resting her head on your shoulder, she took your hand again, in both of hers.

"I love you, Y/N."

You rocked with her again, and after a very long while, she wondered in a gentle tone, "Can we lay down? I love it when you hold me,"

"Of course, sweetheart. Come here," you said. You laid down in bed and put a lighter blanket over yourself and your girlfriend. You wrapped yourself around her, but you weren't sure just how much contact she wanted, so you asked, "How's this? You want more, love?"

In response, she snuggled in closer to you and shut her eyes. You started to rub her back. "Does this feel okay?" she asked you, referring to how close she was to you. JJ was so tired. It had been a painstaking conversation, and a long night in general.

"Mhm, perfect, Jay. I will always love you. You make me so happy, and I need you to know that I love you very, very much,"

"Hmm..." she hummed, "I love you, Y/N..."

It didn't take long for JJ to fall asleep. You kissed her head as she slept with you. The tension had released from her body when she fell asleep, which relieved you. Hopefully she could rest easily.

JJ was focusing on your steady breathing when you woke up. You looked down at her, and she looked up at you. You kissed her forehead, which ignited a soft blush on her cheeks. "Morning," she said.

"Morning," you groaned. She felt the vibrations of your deeper morning voice from her head being against your chest. It made her grin. "How's my sweet girl feeling today?"

"Okay...a little bit better. Still a little rough, but I'll be fine. Hopefully we'll get to go home today, right?"

"Yeah, I hope so,"

"I'll let you wake up, love. Thank you for taking care of me last night,"

"Hey, of course, sweetheart. Just give me a minute to wake up my brain." You kissed her, making her content. "Baby, I'm always here to care for you, just as you do for me. Everything is okay. We're gonna be okay, both of us, love,"

"I don't wanna get up," she whined, "I wanna lay here with my sweet girlfriend..."

You stroked her hair, moving it out of her face, and kissed her forehead. "Aw, baby, let me make you a promise: when we get home, and we have a day just to ourselves, I will hold you and kiss you and cuddle with you all day and all night. I promise you that, love. Do we have a deal?"

"Mhm. Deal. I love you, baby,"

"I love you, Jenny. We should get up now, hmm? Let's go get ready, honey."

You ended up putting on your own shirt, and checked yourself in the mirror. "You can't tell," JJ reassured you. She came up and held you from behind. You relaxed some.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it's not noticeable. You look fine, baby. It might feel a little tight, but it doesn't look it. Really,"

"Okay. Thank you, love."

The case was over that night, and the flight home wouldn't land until the wee hours of the morning. You let JJ sleep with her head in your lap, not ashamed to be with her. You didn't care who saw you; your girlfriend needed comfort in that moment, and you needed to care for her.

Her beautiful blonde hair was waiting to be played with. You did so, and ended up falling asleep yourself after a while.

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