twisted // michael clifford au

5.6

"So this is really it, huh?" Michael exhaled a puff of smoke into the warm air. This would be his last time smoking at the infamous smoking corner. Michael had just graduated high school. I graduated too, and this is where everything began to change. Michael and I sat side by side on the small bench, reflecting on the past few months. Memories of events and situations spun out of control when I tried to piece theme together. Not even a timeline could organize the whirlwind of things that took place.

One of the biggest events was witnessing my life at home slowly turn upside down. My dad and Marie got married in mid March, and I pretended I wasn't bothered as I watched him wed a woman who was not my mother. I accepted the fact that somehow she made him happy, and he would need happiness after I was gone. I learned this, too, when I visited my mother in December and met my stepfather and half brother. I secretly enjoyed all of it, and showed my mother my appreciation, but acceptance is struggle. With events like that you can't help but remember the heaviness and pain in your chest as you went through something you wished you hadn't.

In said events, things were discovered. The kind of things that have full potential to change your life if you want to do something about it. It was late February when I was digging through my closet, looking for old pictures to put in the senior slide show at graduation. Hidden deep inside a shoe box I discovered a journal I'd kept when I was approaching my sophomore year. Within the journal it explained a piece of the past I never knew existed: my previous friendship with Michael. I wrote that we were lab partners in biology for the year, and slowly, I began to fall for him. All at the same time, my popularity was growing and I had to choose between who I was and who I wanted to be. I made the mistake of telling my year long friend Kate that I liked Michael Clifford, someone who wasn't like us, which made him even more extraordinary. I had no idea that by doing this, Kate would convince Michael to ask me to the homecoming dance in front of everything, because "Girls like Violet like extraordinary things," completely twisting my words to manipulate him. Michael must have saw something in me too, because he agreed and did what Kate had told him to do. In the mix of this, Kate laid out my options, the ones where I had to choose between myself or someone I wasn't. Of course when I should've chosen right I chose left, in which I had to turn down Michael in front of everyone, in the rudest way possible. That event alone set up the future, and explained why Luke hated me for so long and why everyone was so shocked to see that Michael and I became friends after the accident. After rejecting Michael, I noted that he didn't come to school for two weeks, and when he returned he had dyed his dark blonde hair black and gotten a tattoo.

Our choices change us, and everything around us. In January I had received my acceptance letter to attend college with Luke and Bea. I waited for a long time to decide between my own future and my future with Michael. I chose the option to attend school in the fall and move four hours away. In doing this, I also chose compromise. Michael chose to decline my offer of coming to stay with me until he gets a steady job. And that's what choice changed everything, and led us to the decisions and contemplations that were happening now.

"Everything could've been so different," I replied to him, my eyes glued to the ground. While our classmates celebrated their freedom by going out, we stayed in one place that had kept us safe from the future. "Theres no turning back after today, you know that right?" "That's not true. We have all summer. Minds can change." "Nobodies mind is changing. You aren't throwing away an education, and I have no business trying to fit into your new college life. I belong here." "That's not true either. There's nothing here." "Baby, that's the whole point."

July

"I had so much hope for him." Bea sighed. "I fucking knew he would pull this shit. Violet, don't let him do this to you." Luke added. "It's fine, I didn't expect him to come anyway." I lied, laying back on the hood of my car. I actually believed Michael when he said he's come to see me off on my way to moving into my apartment. Bea and Luke would move into theirs next week, and our lives as college students would soon begin. Michael and I had the most beautiful summer; I wondered if it were too perfect to be normal or true. Michael promised he would spend the summer considering moving in with me. I knew he was uncertain because he didn't have a job or any kind of plan for life. He felt like he didn't belong in our new world. "Maybe you should call him," Levi suggested. I dialed his number repeatedly and continued to get no answer. "Hey. I'm leaving, and you're not here, so maybe you don't care that I'm going or you don't want to be apart of my life, but this is it. I've made my decision and you've made yours, at least halfway, so I can't wait forever for you to figure the rest of it out. You know how I feel about you. If you don't you've spent eight months with your head up your ass, because Michael, I fucking love you. But I can't put my life on hold for you to decide where yours is going. I can only wait on you so long, because you once told me I have to better myself. I'm trying to be better. This is really it." I ended the message and laid the phone down on my chest. I didn't want to cry in front of Luke, Bea, and Levi, Bea's boyfriend, but the tears were slipping out anyway. "I'm just going to hit the road now," I decided, standing up. I walked toward the driver side of the car and put my hand on the handle, letting out a sigh.

Luke followed me, placing his hand on the door. "I wish I could tell you something to make this suck less, but I can't. Everything I say is going to hurt to hear, so I might as well say what I think is right: he does this sometimes. He goes into this mode where he isolates himself and self loathes and expects everyone to put up with his shit. You don't have to. His friends definitely shouldn't have. Honestly, I don't know how long this is going to last. He thinks he's bettering everyone by doing this shit, he's a literal idiot. I'm sorry, but this could be awhile. You made the right decision, I think." I wrapped my arms around Luke's torso and sobbed into his chest, "I wish I could hate him," but I knew I couldn't. Even in time, after I've moved on and found someone else, I would still have tolerance for Michael Clifford.

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last chapter but the epilogue is next so hang on to ur socks bc it tells what rlly happens

i tried so hard to be explanatory and reflective and descriptive

love u guys bye