—First life. St. Vincent's Hospital, year 2027—
"Oh, God," I winced in pain as I tried to step out of my car.
An excruciating pain surged through my whole spine the second my leg landed on the ground and I tried to balance my weight. I was grateful enough that I had decided to wear soft flats today instead of heels—although I have stopped wearing heels for quite some time already—that I was able to keep my balance pretty quickly and stop myself from falling to the ground. I still had to stop moving briefly, holding onto the side of my car as I took long deep breaths while trying to push the pain away.
"Why is it so goddamn painful?" I groaned, planting my face on my crossed arms to stop myself from crying. I recovered after a few minutes of leaning onto the car. And the moment the throbbing pain was starting to lessen, I pushed myself away to continue walking forward into the hospital.
It had been a while. And I was not here for treatments. During the end of the year, I had been enduring self-treatments at home. Which then became the reason why I had to come here today, since I have run out of medicines and I had decided to retrieve it myself just in case I could have a chance to see my doctor.
I spent almost one hour at the hospital, going back and forth to the pharmacy, almost falling asleep in the process when the calm atmosphere in the waiting lobby managed to lull me to sleep. "Is Dr. Kim available?" I asked the receptionist right after I left the pharmacy with the medications and medical files I needed all secured inside my handbag.
The lady behind the desk looked over at her computer before she reached for her desk phone. I let myself busy by glancing at the clock that was hung on the wall behind her.
Is he still on break? I wondered, impatiently tapping my fingers on the counter when I realised what time it was. I had expected to be able to see him before his break, if only I didn't have to waste too much time handling my medical prescriptions and all the hassle that followed.
The lady put her phone down after making a quick call to reach the doctor. Yet right before she managed to say anything, I heard his voice calling me from behind.
"Mrs. Jeon—Oh, I mean—_____, didn't expect to see you here today," he said as I turned to see him.
"Dr. Kim, I was just asking for you," I told him while offering a smile.
"Oh?" he raised his eyebrows. "You're here to see me? Do we have an appointment today?" he looked down to pull out his phone from his pocket, looking for his schedule to make sure before I stopped him—
"No, actually—I was here to retrieve new medications," I informed him, which had him instantly relaxing for a moment. "I was just wondering if I could see you while I'm here, that's all. I thought I had missed you since your hour has ended."
He chuckled. "No, I had some extra paperwork to finish so I'm just about to grab some lunch. Is there something I can do for you?"
"I have some questions, about my treatment—" I started. "You know, the radiation. You have advised me once before that it would be a good idea for me to have one at an early stage. I just wanted to know more about it if it's possible."
He pursed his lips and took a quick glance at his watch. "I do have some time before my next patients start coming in. Why don't you join me on my break so we can be more comfortable talking about it?"
"Will that be okay?"
He only nodded. "Of course, it would. It's not every day that I can have some company on my break," he said with a laugh.
I sighed in relieved. "Thank you, Doctor. As long as I'm not bothering you on your break."
He waved his hand before showing me the way. "Please, just call me Seokjin. I'm officially off-duty in the meantime anyway. It'll make things more at ease that way, wouldn't it?"
"Of course."
"On the scale of 1 to 10, how painful does it feel at the moment?"
I lowered the glass of tea in my hand and placed it on the table. We were sitting in the cafeteria downstairs, having the long conversation while he was having his lunch and I was enjoying my jasmine tea. He had been explaining to me about my treatments and about the procedures that I wanted to take for my cure. And the minute I started pushing him about the radiation process, he placed his fork on his plate and stared into my face more thoroughly to study my expression, already guessing the reason why I suddenly started wanting to speed up my treatment process.
The silence between us was dragged for a few seconds, as I tried to feel the pain that I have been pushing back since I had gotten here. "It has been reduced so much already, actually. It usually stays on level 4 on normal days, but this morning—well, especially just a few hours ago when I arrived here earlier, it suddenly escalated into 7 or 8."
He released a deep sigh while letting the frown on his face to deepen by each passing seconds. "What kind of activities have you been doing lately? How active have you been?"
I shrugged. "Not much. I'm still working at home, and I've been going through the personal physical therapies you assigned me on," I answered him, referring to the private therapy sessions which I had been enduring at Hoseok's apartment, with the assigned therapist the doctor has sent for me. "I've been taking my medications as well, and have been following the diet you suggested."
He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest—a little habit of his which I had noticed appearing once or twice whenever he took his time to process the situation in hand. "Do you drive on your own when you go to places?"
I shook my head to answer. Ever since the first day that my health condition was revealed to those around me, neither Hoseok nor Yoongi would let me drive on my own, always insisting that they would take me to wherever I need to go. "—Except for today," I told him. "I felt really well this morning, and I felt like I've been doing better for the past week. Since my brother was pretty busy and my friend is currently out of town, I decided to drive here on my own."
I have actually wanted to do just that for quite a while already, since I hated feeling so dependent on them. I had been so dependent to my soon-to-be ex-husband for such a long time, that finding myself relying too much on someone else was making me feel like a huge burden. That was partly why I had waited until I made sure neither of the men would be available to accompany me so I could go to the hospital on my own.
"So this is the first day you are back driving again after months?"
I nodded to answer. "Should I worry?"
The doctor tilted his head. "I think we should run some tests soon. When was your last follow-up test?"
"Before the holiday—?" I answered him, my voice trailing as I was completely unsure of the dates.
He tapped his fingers on the table. "Okay, let's schedule some tests and see if there's something else we need to do. We would also need to do them before the radiation anyway, so take it as killing two birds with one stone," he said to me with a chuckle.
"Of course," I smiled.
He gave me a nod, before continuing to finish his meal. But he stopped the moment he remembered something. "Do you have any family members with a history of cancer, or diabetes? Is there any history of terminal illness that runs in your family?"
I looked up to him, staring straight into his eyes. "Yes, I do. Why does it matter?"
His face turned into a more serious look once he took in the information I had given him. "It might not mean much, if your condition isn't something that is inherited through blood relations. But I might need to see any medical records that they still have to compare your condition to see if there is any predicament being inherited to you by your parents or other family members. This would help me figure out if there's a certain medicine you are immune to or if you have any certain condition that would hold your treatments back, just like it did on your first one." He briefly stopped, allowing me to recall the way I woke up with a high fever during the start of my treatment. "Either one could help me figure out if the medicine you have been taking does, in fact, will not do its maximum potential for your cure."
His words kept ringing in my head even when I arrived back at Hoseok's penthouse hours later. He was sitting in the living room with some paperwork in his hand when I came in, instantly throwing his work over the table in front of him to welcome me. "How did it go?" he asked me, as I walked closer to him.
I stood across the coffee table as I stared into his eyes, not even trying to move while my mind was filled with agitation over what I wanted to ask of him next. I had been avoiding this matter for quite a long time already. But I should have known that the time would come when I would have to eventually give in.
"Looks like you are finally getting your wish, big brother," I finally told him, after a long eerily silence came to us.
He frowned at me, not expecting to hear my request so suddenly the moment I returned. "What's wrong?"
I nibbled on my lips for a second, when I was still unsure if this was the right decision to make—
"It's time to go home."