—Present life, year 2016—
It was one late Friday night when I joined Taehyung for a ride away from the campus vicinity.
I looked out through the taxi window to see us going further away from all the familiar streets and buildings and started to enter an entirely different area of the city. I had agreed to let Taehyung to take me away that night to celebrate the end of exam week, which was also about to be the last day before we started our lives as sophomores.
We arrived one hour later at one small pub on the far side of the city.
It looked so simple and the building seemed pretty old, a typical old pub that looked nothing like any regular hangout place we used to see around campus. But as I stepped inside, I immediately fell in love with it.
It was far from what I had imagined. It was not packed with as many crowds as I had expected. There was no loud music that required you to shout out just to have a conversation nor a dancing crowd grinding each other's hips. Instead, I was welcomed by a fancy looking bar, an empty stage at its corner which had a grand piano and a few strings instruments already set up, a few people dancing lightly at the center while they were being accompanied by the music playing from a jukebox nearby.
"Why did you take me here?" I asked Taehyung as I looked around, scanning the interior with an awe. "How did you find this place?"
I could feel Taehyung shrugging next to me. "You always avoid parties and you said it yourself how you can't enjoy being in clubs without feeling worried about what might happen. I found out about this place from a classmate and instantly thought of taking you here."
I turned to face him, partly nervous while excited at the same time. We were still standing at the pub's entrance, glancing around to enjoy the new vibe happening around us. "Well, this place certainly is refreshing and new. But, why—"
"We're here to celebrate." He cut me off, grinning right after he saw my face looking so lost.
"Celebrate, what?" I looked ahead once more, glancing around at the unfamiliar faces around us. I could only see a few younger faces among the adult ones, but I still didn't feel out of place at all. "We could've just celebrated by joining some college parties for after exams."
"No. Nope—" he shook his head. "We are not only here for that simple reason. Besides, you always say no for college parties."
"So?" I raised my eyebrows, questioning him. Yet he only wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in towards the bar.
"Let's have a drink first and chat, shall we?"
I let him find a seat for us and order my drinks for me since it would be the first time I had drinks outside of dorms. I took a sip of the liquor and sighed. "This is really nice," I said mostly to myself as I took in the sight of the pub, the people that were enjoying their time there without creating any ruckus. I could never understand how anyone was able to enjoy being in parties with extremely loud music when such a calm vibe was much more comfortable to be in.
My eyes landed at Taehyung, who had his eyes on me while he kept a smug smile on his face. "Mind telling me what's going on?" I asked him, and he only smacked his lips.
"Alright," he nodded. "So what do you think of this place?"
"It's really nice," I shrugged. "Thank you for finding this place, Taehyung. You were right, I feel like I can come back here anytime I want now to avoid loud parties and college crowds—,"
—and perhaps all the other possibilities that I wanted to avoid.
"Good," he said, lifting his glass on the air which I mirrored so we could have a simple toast. "Here's to finding a new place where you and I can hang out and get drunk without worrying too much—" he said as our glasses touched, "—and for you to finally find the man of your dreams—literally—and prove that he is somewhat real."
I nearly resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Oh yes, that one does need a celebration," I laughed with him before taking a sip of my drink and placed the glass on the table.
"So how was it? You know, meeting Jimin?" He asked, crossing his arms on the table so he could lean closer to speak to me.
I sighed. "We haven't been hanging out much. After the day I met him at the park he has been coming by to visit me after classes for a few times. We—uhm, had lunch together a few days ago—" I stopped myself to cover my face with one of my hand while Taehyung grinned widely at me. "Okay, but—do we really have to make this a big deal?"
He gave me a dramatic sigh, his lips formed into a tight line as if he was trying his best not to mock me.
"Yes, we do. Do you want to know why? Because we have been trying to figure out who this guy is and if he has anything to do with everything that's going on with you. And we weren't expecting to see him so soon since you told me he would only come to the campus for its annual events."
"Yeah—Who knew that he is also a student." I frowned. I couldn't stop but wonder, "Does that mean everything else is actually changing? Not only me?"
He shrugged. "Haven't you guys talked about it?"
I knitted my eyebrows and glared at him. "And how the hell am I supposed to do that? Should I just come up to him and say— Hi, you know, I believe we have met in our past lives and you weren't supposed to be here. What changed?"
He grinned. "Yeah, probably not that," he chuckled. "But has he made any move yet? Like, ask you out on a date, or something like that? Or at least give you a sign of interest? You might be able to find out whether he is the same Jimin you were supposed to meet in the future or if your leap had messed up other people's storyline and had also twisted his in the making."
"He asked me to meet him over coffee a few times, but—exams happened." I looked at him to see his reaction and I gnawed at my lower lip when he glared at me.
"Don't you dare use your exams as an excuse. Tell him you are going."
I bit my lip. "I think it can wait."
He exhaled a frustrated sigh. "You have been searching for him for so long. What else are you waiting for?"
"I—" I stopped myself when I couldn't find an answer. But he already knew why. I was afraid. I still couldn't figure out what it was that I was afraid of. I was probably afraid of knowing the truth about my circumstances, or afraid that I might have gone through this whole thing for nothing because my future might end up just the same. Or perhaps worse. "I don't know."
He nodded and reached out his hand across the table. "Give me your phone."
"Why?"
"I'm going to text him and give him an answer for that coffee date offer," he said with his hand still held out at me. "You do have his number, don't you? Now give me."
"No way," I yelped, leaning back in my seat to avoid him. "I can text him myself, thank you. And it's not a date offer, just some spare time to have some conversation over coffee."
"Then just do it, whatever it is called. Text him now and ask him to meet you. Stop running away before you regret it," he said as he pulled his hand away. Although he was still leaning forward. "He might not be the same person as the man you knew in your previous life or the one you've been seeing in your dreams. He might not know that you guys have ever met at all. But you need to know what happened, and why he is the one that you cried for when you sleep. Even if everything is different, the way you met him is just the same, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
He pursed his lips. "In both your previous life and this one, you met him because of your condition. Your illness. Is it not? You wouldn't even have met him yet if it wasn't because you got sick that day."
He was right. And that gave me enough reason to reach into my pocket and pull out my phone to contact him. I stared at the phone and contemplated for a brief while, trying to find the best way to ask him to meet up without making him feel intimidated, before I finally started typing the text.
[10.48 PM] To Jimin: Can I still take on your offer for grabbing that coffee with you?
I hovered my thumb right on the send button, only pressing it after taking a few quick deep breaths. "There. I texted him."
"Let me see," he said curiously, and I turned the phone in my hand so he could see the words. "Good," he said while reading the words. "That sounds pretty—innocent."
"Are you sure that's okay?" I pulled my hand back and placed the phone on the table. "He might not answer. It's pretty late anyway," I told him. Yet I still kept my eyes locked on the phone screen, expecting it to show some notification or sorts.
Taehyung smacked his lips and shrugged, picking his glass up to drink. "Yeah, he either be sleeping or in the middle of a party and having fun without you since it takes you so long to show him any interests."
I pouted at him, and was ready to throw him the most appropriate response to wipe his annoying grin away when the screen of my phone suddenly lighted up.
[10.50 PM] From Jimin: Finally :) Sadly, I'm at Busan right now
[10.51 PM] From Jimin: But I still want to take you to grab that coffee once I get back. Are you free two days from now?
I looked up at Taehyung and we exchanged mirroring grins as we read the message together. He gave out a light chuckle when I immediately take the phone away and replied.
[10.55 PM] To Jimin: Sounds good. See you in two days.
"Done." I nodded, proudly showing the phone at Taehyung before shoving it back in my pocket. "Are you happy?"
"Absolutely—" he said, and he continued chuckling when he later said, "—but I think you are much happier than I do now."
I scowled at him and turned my head to look away. Rather than happy, I was feeling more relieved. But I could not let him know that. He followed my gaze and his eyes fell on the jukebox across the room. The old device was playing some random tunes that had everyone dancing to.
"Wanna dance?" he offered. "I wonder if it has that old song we danced to back at our school prom."
I smiled at the mention of our school prom. We had decided to just stay at my home during prom night, deciding that it would be better for us to do an all-night movie marathon since neither of us had prom dates to go with. But then my parents caught us during preparations—as I was making popcorns while Taehyung came in with a whole box of DVDs—and forcefully dragged us to dress up and made us go to prom together.
The night had turned up amazingly delightful in the end. We both had fun together and had made a lot of good memories as we danced as partners—or, well, more like goofed around on the dance floor as we flailed around to the beat of the music.
I watched him as he walked across the dance floor and stood before the jukebox. He looked down on it before he tried to put in a coin and I watched as the machine lighted up—which he celebrated by throwing his arms up in the air. He took his time to find the song that he wanted. He had a huge grin on his face when he found it, taking no time at all to enter the song choice before it blasted through the speakers. I laughed aloud as he waved at me, asking me to join him for a dance as the song was playing.
I took both his hands in mine and he started moving around, guiding me to follow him dancing in clumsy steps, which I had no other choice but to follow along without being able to stop laughing. He seemed to be enjoying himself too, apparently, as he started to hum and sing along, "—and you will find me~ Time after time—"
We kept dancing to the music, until the song changed into another slower one which was chosen by another patron. He pulled me closer for a slow dance, and looked down to stare into my eyes, giving me the kind of look which I recognised as the one he would always give me before he would share his curiosity. Or to ask me something important. It turned out to be the latter.
"What is it?" I asked him.
He sunk his teeth in his bottom lips. Whatever it was that he wanted to know about must have been bothering him a lot, and I started wondering what it was. So I just gave him a smile to encourage him, letting him know that it would be alright to ask me if he really needed to. And he finally did.
"I have been wondering about one thing for so long. You told me about what you remembered from your past life, your struggles from that other life. But—Where was I? Why was I not there to protect you when your marriage fell apart? And where was I when you were fighting for your life?"
I fell silent. Images of myself crying, of Taehyung shouting in rage, and him standing at the corner of a room, wearing a suit and with an evident anger plastered all over his face. All the memory was followed by images of me watching his back as he walked away with his shoulders hanging low with a broken heart.
I took a deep breath, before I had to share him one part of my memory that I had not yet opened. Not to him, and not even to myself, for it was the one that had given me the most painful wound of all.